Patricia Davids - An Amish Family Christmas - Heart of Christmas / A Plain Holiday

And what would she find in having Toby in her classroom, seeing him often, trying to manage her rebellious heart?

But Toby’s face had already brightened at her suggestion. “That’s a fine idea, Susannah. If you’re sure you can stand having me around so much, that is.”

She couldn’t force a smile no matter how hard she tried, but she nodded. “ Gut. That’s settled, then. We’ll start work on the program on Monday afternoon.”

“I’ll be here,” he said. He started to turn toward the classroom and his kinder, and then stopped, looking into her face. “You’re a kind person, Susannah. I won’t forget this.”

His fingers brushed her hand, and awareness shimmered across her skin. No. She wouldn’t forget, either.

* * *

Susannah sat beside Becky in the buggy on Saturday, struggling to find the best way of telling her friend she was going to be working with Toby. There didn’t seem to be any.

Becky was bound to disapprove, and Susannah could hardly blame her. After all, it was Becky who’d seen her through that terrible time after Toby left.

Back then, Susannah had managed to keep her calm facade in place with other people. That had been prideful, most likely, but it had seemed necessary. She hadn’t wanted to burden her parents or Toby’s with her hurt. It was only with Becky that she’d felt free to expose her inner grief and pain.

They were pulling into the parking area at Byler’s Book Shop, and she still hadn’t managed to bring up the subject. Byler’s, like most Amish businesses, was located right on the family farm—a square, cement-block building to house the store, run by Etta Byler, with the help of various sisters and cousins.

Becky parked the buggy at the hitching rail, and they both slid down. “I love having a reason to visit the book shop.” Becky was smiling in anticipation. “I think I’ll get a book for each of the twins for Christmas. After I help find the materials for the program, of course.”

“You can do all the browsing you want,” Susannah said, leading the way to the door. “That’s the best part of coming to the book shop, ain’t so?”

Susannah paused inside the door, taking in the sections devoted to children’s books, history and the ever-popular Amish romance novels. Several women were already browsing through books by their favorite authors. Becky cast a longing look in that direction, but she followed Susannah to the area devoted to aids for teachers.

Susannah paused in front of a display of bulletin-board materials. “I was thinking that we might work the whole program around the idea of light. Jesus came to be the light for the world, and then there’s the Christmas star and the idea of letting your light shine....”

“But not blinding your neighbor with it,” Becky finished the familiar Amish phrase, grinning. “That’s a great idea, if we can find enough things that relate to it.”

“I can write some of the pieces myself, if I need to.” The youngest scholars were usually the most difficult to find parts for. They needed roles that didn’t require too much reading and would allow them to move around, if possible. They’d be fidgeting, anyway, unused to being the center of attention for all the parents and grandparents and siblings who would pack the schoolhouse for the event.

“Stars, candles,” Becky said, musing. “Or even lanterns. We have some in the barn.”

“I’ve been thinking of having two or three large cardboard candles on each side of the area where the scholars will perform. They’d enjoy that, I think.”

Becky nodded, quick to jump on the idea. “We can get some of the fathers to make them, ain’t so? Who do you want to ask?”

Susannah couldn’t put it off any longer. At least no one was close enough to hear Becky’s inevitable reaction.

“I already have a volunteer.” She kept her voice casual and her eyes on the shiny cutouts she was leafing through. “Toby is willing to help.”

It took so long for Becky to respond that Susannah thought she hadn’t heard. She grabbed Susannah’s hands and pulled her around to face her.

“Toby? What is wrong with you, Susannah? Why would you let Toby anywhere near you after what he’s done?”

“Shh. Becky, his children are my students. I can’t keep him away from the school.” She had no hope that Becky would accept that as a reason.

“I know what he’s doing.” Becky’s eyes narrowed. “He’s volunteered to help because he wants to get close to you again.”

Her voice had risen, and Susannah shot a quick look around. “Hush. Do you want someone to hear?” At least in a public place, she had a reason for trying to mute Becky’s protests. Unfortunately she knew she’d have to listen to them all the way home.

Becky dismissed her words with a quick gesture. “Why didn’t you tell him no? Say you already had enough help?”

“It wasn’t that way.” She found she was trying to avoid her friend’s eyes. “Toby didn’t suggest it. I did.”

Becky was silent for a moment, clasping her hands tightly. “ Ach, Susannah, what were you thinking? You’re surely not falling for him again.”

“It’s nothing like that,” she protested. “William is troubled, and he needs attention from his father. I thought if they worked together on the project, it might help him.”

Becky pressed her lips together in disapproval. “Let him do that outside of school—far away from you.”

“You don’t have to worry about me. My only interest in Toby is as his children’s teacher. I’m not going to get involved with him again.”

Becky studied Susannah’s face for a moment and shook her head. “I’m not sure if you actually believe what you’re saying or not. But I am sure of one thing. If you let Toby get close to you, he’ll only hurt you again.”

Susannah felt her throat tighten as she considered the words. Becky was only saying what she herself knew was true. But her commitment to her students came before her own feelings. Somehow, she’d have to get through working with Toby without exposing her heart.

Chapter Four

Toby felt more than a little out of place when he arrived at the school Monday afternoon for his first stint helping with the Christmas program. Susannah had seemed confident that this would be good for his children, but he couldn’t deny it made him self-conscious to think of trying to build bridges with his children under her gaze.

Well, Susannah wouldn’t be critical of him. That wasn’t in her nature. He’d turned his kinder over to her with complete confidence in her abilities, so the least he could do was follow her advice.

The schoolroom was already humming with activity when he stepped inside, and Toby paused for a moment, hefting his toolbox in one hand, while he tried to make sense of what was going on. One group of children seemed to be reading their parts out loud, while in another corner, some older girls were working on poster-size sheets of paper.

Becky was there, directing a group that was decorating a bulletin board. She gave him a cool nod, making him wonder what she’d said when she’d learned he’d be helping. Nothing complimentary, he imagined.

Susannah greeted him, wearing her usual composed smile. “You’re right on time. I have the materials over here for the big candles, and I thought you and some of the boys might start on those first.”

He nodded, following her to one side of the room where some desks had been pushed out of the way. She’d described what she wanted, and it seemed simple enough, although time-consuming, especially since Susannah expected him to be working with the children instead of doing it himself. Still, that was a typically Amish way of learning—doing a task alongside someone who had already mastered it.