Patricia Davids - An Amish Family Christmas - Heart of Christmas / A Plain Holiday

“You loved her.” Susannah willed her voice to be steady.

“I fell in love.” His lips twisted in a wry smile. “That’s how it felt. I had grown into love with you, but with Emma it was more like falling from the barn roof and landing with a thud. So we got married, and then I realized that we hardly knew each other at all.”

“You were married.” That was the important thing. The Amish married for life, not like the English world, where people seemed to change mates as often as they changed clothes.

“We tried. I think Emma was happy. But then she got sick. It should have brought us closer together, but it didn’t.”

She knew, without his putting it into words, what he felt. Guilt. He accused himself of not loving Emma enough, and her dying made his guilt all the heavier.

“Toby—”

He cut her off with a sharp movement of his hand. “William was devoted to his mammi. Nothing has been right between us since she died.”

“I’m sorry, Toby.” Focus on the child, she ordered herself. “Have you talked to William about his mother?”

“I’ve tried.” Anger flashed in his face, and she suspected he was glad to feel it after opening his soul to her. “I’ve tried so many times. But William won’t talk about it. He’s slipping away, and I can’t seem to hold on to him.”

She couldn’t be angry with him when she knew the depth of his pain. “I understand. We’ll keep trying, ain’t so? It will get better.” The words sounded as hollow to her as they must to him.

“ Ach, Susannah, you sound as if I’m one of the kinder, coming to you with a scraped knee.” His tone was harsh. “This is big and real, and you tell me it will get better.”

Her own anger spurted up. “What else can I say, Toby? You have to have hope. There’s no magic answer. Just keep loving William, that’s all.”

He swung toward her, grasping her wrists. “You...” Whatever he was going to say seemed to get lost as his eyes met hers. She could feel her pulse pounding against his palms.

“Susannah,” his voice deepened. “I’m such a fool, spilling all this to you. You ought to tell me to go away and solve my own problems.”

“I couldn’t do that.” She tried to smile but failed.

“No.” Everything changed in an instant. His gaze was so intense it seemed to heat her skin, and the very air around them was heavy with emotion. “You couldn’t.” He focused on her lips, and her breath caught in her throat.

She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t speak. She could only wait for his lips to find hers.

His kiss was tentative at first. Gentle, then growing more intense as her lips softened under his. His hands slid up her arms, and he drew her closer. She was sinking into him, unable to feel anything but his strong arms, his warm lips—

Then the schoolroom door flew open, letting in a blast of cold air. Toby let go of her so abruptly she nearly staggered. She turned toward the door.

Mary stood there, her face scarlet. Her mouth worked, but no words came out. She took a backward step and pulled the door shut with a bang.

Susannah could only stand there, aghast. Of all the things that could happen...

“I’ve done it again.” Toby’s mouth twisted as if the words had a bitter taste. “I’ve messed up your life again, haven’t I?”

“Don’t,” she said quickly. “It’s no more your fault than mine. I’ll talk to Mary. I’ll explain.”

But how exactly was she going to explain being caught in an embrace in her own schoolroom? She was afraid she’d just handed James Keim all the ammunition he’d need to get rid of her.

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