Portia MacIntosh - How Not To Be Starstruck

I am distracted from my thoughts by a noise from my phone. Taking it out of my bag I realise it is the low battery alert and guess what? I packed my charger in the bag I left at home. Now I’m feeling seriously out of my comfort zone. I’m horribly hungover, I look a complete state, I’m going to have to face both Mark and Luke today and to top it all off my only form of contact with the ‘real world’ will be cut off when my phone dies, which I’m guessing is going to be sooner rather than later.

As I leave the bathroom and make my way past the bunks, I can hear girls giggling, but I don’t remember seeing any girls last night when we left the club. Maybe they found their way on to the bus while Mark and I made our detour.

As I pass Eddie’s bunk, a girl climbs out and, looking at the state of her, I start to feel slightly better about the way I look this morning. She is definitely still drunk, her clothes are hanging off and she’s looking at me like I’ve just fallen out of a tree. She actually looks like she has just fallen out of a tree.

‘Becky,’ she calls, looking at me but failing to acknowledge the fact that I am standing there and that she is blocking my path. Becky sticks her head out of the bottom bunk which, as far as I remember, is Ben’s bunk, but he must be in one of the spares because, as we all know, Ben has a girlfriend and he doesn’t stop texting her for long enough to even talk to another girl. Becky looks equally as rough as her friend so I’m quite happy to walk off the bus after them, they can only make me look better. Neither girl speaks to me until we get to the bus door, which neither of them can work out how to open.

‘How the fuck does this open?’ Becky asks me politely. I don’t say anything, I just reach forward and open the door. Becky and her friend fall about laughing and hop off the bus. As they walk past Luke, they both say ‘Bye, Luke’ in unison, laughing hysterically as they stagger off.

‘Bye, girls,’ he says and then turns towards me. ‘They weren’t with me you know.’

‘No judgement from me,’ I tell him, holding up my hands. I’m hardly in a position to say anything, am I? Feeling self-conscious, I let my hair down. Knots or no knots, my long hair is like my safety blanket. You don’t find many girls with real long hair these days, just cheap-looking hair extensions. It’s got to a point where people come up to me to ask me where I purchased such realistic fake hair, and I always tell them my little-known but very simple hair tip: if you don’t get your hair cut, it will grow. Magic, isn’t it?

‘You know I care what you think,’ he says, throwing the end of his cigarette on the floor and stamping it out. ‘Shall we go get that coffee?’

I nod and follow his lead. I love Manchester, but with my rubbish sense of direction I find it impossible to find my way around, and it doesn’t matter how many times I visit.

‘Cold, isn’t it?’ I say in an attempt to break the silence with small talk.

‘It is. You should have put something warmer on.’

I look down at my dress. Not only is it totally inappropriate for strolling around town at this time of morning, but it isn’t doing much to fight off the chilly October wind. Oh, and there’s a rather unattractive booze stain down the side that must have happened last night.

‘I would have, but I forgot the bag with my clothes in. Don’t laugh!’ I warn him.

He does laugh, and it’s adorable. His eyes light up when he laughs and he’s got the most gorgeous smile.

‘What are we going to do with you?’ he sighs, putting his arm around me and I wonder if he’s doing it to keep me warm, or just to touch me.

‘I’ll be fine.’

‘You’ll freeze! Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ve got something you can wear,’ he says as he ushers me into Starbucks.

I don’t think I have ever been so happy to be in Starbucks. I haven’t been inside this particular branch before, but it all feels so familiar and I instantly feel more relaxed. I may have been feeling out of my comfort zone before but this feels just like home.

We grab our drinks and take a seat on the sofa in the only dark corner of the room, something my hangover and I are very thankful for.

‘So last night was a bit mad,’ Luke starts. ‘I’m sorry we didn’t see very much of each other, did you sleep on the sofa all night?’

‘I did. I was tipsy, I must have fallen asleep there,’ I lie.

‘I’m sorry you had to walk back with Torpedo.’

What I’m thinking is that I’m sorry I had to as well, but what I say out loud is, ‘Don’t worry about it.’

The conversation feels forced and awkward, and it worries me that I still have to spend a few more days with these people, living in such a small space. Yes, it’s a big bus, but not when you’re trying to avoid people.

‘Well you must have had a horrible night’s sleep, but don’t worry, we’re booked in a hotel tonight.’

Thank God! After one night of not sleeping in a bed I am absolutely desperate to climb into one, even if I don’t get to sleep, even if it’s just for a minute.

‘We’ve got three rooms booked, that’s all the hotel in Birmingham had. Management wanted to put us somewhere really nice though. They’re kissing our arses because the album is doing so well.’

‘Yeah, that’s great. I’m missing sleeping in a proper bed already.’

‘We’ve got three double rooms. Mick is going in with Ben, and Mark and Eddie usually share,’ he tells me, waiting for a few seconds before he finishes his sentence. ‘We could share if you wanted to?’

I hesitate and before I get chance to reply, Luke starts talking again.

‘Unless you don’t want to. I mean, I can go in with Mark and Ed, no problem.’

‘No, it’s fine. We can’t have the celebrities squashed in the same bed,’ I tease, secretly delighted.

‘Good,’ he replies, leaning closer to me and resting his hand gently on my leg. ‘Maybe we’ll finally get some time alone together,’ he lowers his voice to a whisper. ‘I can’t wait to get you on your own.’

I smile and sip my coffee. So I haven’t scared him off after all. There’s nothing like a bit of jealousy to keep them keen.

Chapter Ten

The Road

Back at the bus, I wait patiently as Luke searches around in the luggage compartment for something warm for me to wear. The dress I am currently wearing was perfect for keeping cool at the venue last night, but in the harsh light of day the alcohol stain stands out a mile and my pretty little dress does not go with the big, clumsy Uggs I am stuck wearing – but hey, at least my feet are warm.

‘No clean clothes,’ Luke calls out, still waist deep in the luggage compartment. ‘Unless you want something butch-looking that stinks of sweat.’

I laugh, although to be honest I’m a bit distracted staring at his bum.

‘Don’t worry, I’ll be fine,’ I eventually call back.

‘There is this though,’ he says, holding up the biggest Two For The Road T-shirt I have ever seen.

‘We’ve sold a lot of merchandise this tour, which is lucky for us. Sucks for you though, only extra-large T-shirts left – but it’s got to be warmer than what you’re wearing now, right? It will certainly cover more skin...unfortunately,’ he adds with a wink.

Taking the huge T-shirt from him, I hold it up against my body, you could fit at least two of me in this, but I think I can make it work. Sadly I don’t think I can do anything about the fact that it is bright orange, though.

‘This will be perfect, don’t worry.’

I head into the living area. No one is around so I can get changed here if I’m fast. Mark and Eddie have gone to get something to eat and, as far as I know, Ben is still sleeping. I check that I am totally alone one last time before slipping off my beautiful dress and slipping on my huge, bright-orange replacement. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to wear one of these T-shirts, even if they are a fan of the band, and surely if a person needed a shirt this big, they wouldn’t want it to be bright orange?