Mara Fox - Letting Go!

EMMA DANIELS sat in the break room looking gloomily at her sprouts-and-avocado sandwich. Beside the sandwich sat a supersize bar of white chocolate which she determinedly ignored.

I deserve this candy bar for holding my head up, but if I eat candy then I won’t be able to get into my skinny clothes so I can start the whole dating thing again.

Dating.

She sank lower in her seat, sighing at the dismal thought.

Since it was after two o’clock in the afternoon, she had the break room to herself, until her friend Tina Henderson breezed in looking like a million bucks in her green Gucci suit. Emma sat up straighter in her chair.

“Are you still mooning over that chocolate bar?”

“It’s a different one. I’m eating a new kind everyday.”

“You’re lying through those pearly whites. Have you been using whitening stripes again?”

Emma looked up. “I’m preparing for the most grueling ritual of our time—dating. That thing you do so effortlessly, like managing to look fresh in this humidity. My stupid hair’s frizzing all over the place.” She tugged self-consciously on her braid; it had been raining in Jacksonville, Florida, all month long.

“How can your hair curl? You’re wearing that French braid so tight my head aches in sympathy.”

Emma grimaced. “I’m thinking of getting it professionally straightened. How’d the case go?”

“Great. Easy. We won. When are you going to quit fooling around as a paper pusher and go back to school? I need someone sharp to be my paralegal. I need you.” Tina opened the fridge.

“I missed the deadline for night school again.”

“Why? I thought you were serious this time.”

“I am. But Melissa needed me. We’re getting everyone ready for the installation of the new computer program. It’s supposed to save all kinds of time and money and she begged me and then she bribed me with heavy overtime and used her I-know-what’s-best-for-you voice. The upside is I managed to pay off my credit cards. The downside is I was so busy I didn’t realize the deadline had come and gone.” Emma stuck out one foot, clad in a Jimmy Choo shoe. “I ended up shopping just to console myself. But next semester’s deadline is on my calendar in red ink and I’m not going to miss it no matter who needs me. This time I’m going to make sure I do something for myself.”

Thinking about her future security made her thoughts stray to her father’s midlife crisis. “You can only rely on yourself, and I’m not going to allow anyone else to sidetrack me this time,” she said hesitantly.

“That’s an excellent observation but I’m still afraid I’ll be retiring before you get around to it.”

Emma grimaced. “Part of the problem is that I like being secretary to a partner. It’s interesting and challenging. I just wish there was a little more respect and money to go along with the title.”

“Everyone in the office respects you.”

Emma shook her head. “Not everyone. School is definitely the way to go. Speaking of paralegals, did you hire Lee Matheson?”

“I should. He’s hot.” Tina shot her a look. “Did you know he’s engaged?”

Emma swung her foot in frustration; at least it looked good in her new shoes. “I know. While I was thinking about calling him, someone else snagged him. It’s like I’m the queen of hesitation. While I’m burning time calculating the pros and cons of a situation, I miss out. But I’m working on it.”

Tina made a sympathetic noise and then poked around inside the fridge. “What’s in here that belongs to you? I’m starving and I’m ready to mooch. Why are you eating so late anyway? Is Melissa looking down her nose at you over those granny glasses, guilting you into working harder? And they call me The Shark,” Tina said with obvious satisfaction.

“No, she’s in court today. I just didn’t feel very hungry.” Emma pushed her sandwich towards the other side of the table. “Here, you can eat the avocado and sprouts. I’ve got three rice bowls in the freezer for emergencies.”

“You’re a lifesaver,” Tina said reverently.

Emma got up to look in the freezer. She certainly was no shark, just a wuss, but she planned to work on it.

Tina pounced on the sandwich. “I sure could have used you today in court when the defendant got so nervous she spilled water all over my notes. You would have had the notes copied in triplicate.”

I’m definitely the queen of triplicate.

Emma examined the generic chicken-and-rice picture on one of the rice bowls. Being cautious was supposed to keep her life from becoming chaotic, but it had become mind-numbing.

“Hey, Emma, what’s wrong? You’re scowling at a rice bowl.”

Emma shoved the rice bowl back into the freezer and turned to face her successful friend. “I just feel left behind. I passed on Lee that day he flirted with me because I was waffling, and then I ended up with Brad.”

“I thought you might be hiding out here because of Brad.”

Emma refused to shed the tears clogging her throat. “He embarrassed the hell out of me.”

“Yes, I know he did.” Tina put the sandwich down again. “He got fired. That should make you feel a little better.”

“He got caught in the copy room with Angela. How could he care so little about me that he’d grope a woman’s breasts at the place where we both work? And that’s after he gave me the lecture about how I’m settling for a job that’s beneath me. Obviously, nothing’s beneath him—though I suppose Angela was.” She sighed.

“Everyone knows who gets things done around here. Brad’s just an idiot. He didn’t really care about your job title or he wouldn’t have gone after a clerk.”

Emma looked down at her chest. “A double-D clerk.”

Tina smiled. “On your frame, double-D’s would look ridiculous. Besides, Angela’s are fake.”

Emma leaned forward. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, she almost got fired for taking such a long leave after the surgery. Essentially, Brad was groping silicone.”

Emma almost chuckled. “Did he have to do it here? I can’t even come in here during the lunch hour for all of the sympathetic glances. It drives me crazy. The only good thing is that I don’t have to see them for a few days. They’re getting trained on the new system this week. I’m just following up, making sure everyone’s completed the course and I can do most of it by e-mail.”

“What happened to the personal touch? Everyone’s concerned because you’re hiding in your office.”

Emma shrugged.

“You’re making too big a deal out of this.”

“Am I?” She shook her head. “Why didn’t Brad just insist we have sex? I wanted sex, just not right away. I thought we should have a few dates to get to know each other before we jumped into a physical relationship.”

Tina humphed. “You didn’t have sex with Brad because there wasn’t any chemistry. A part of you recognized he was a loser.”

“Maybe.” Emma shrugged. “So I’m back to dating. And it sucks big-time. Either I hesitate and the guy turns out to be a great guy, or I jump in and the guy’s a loser. I always seem to get my heart broken or my pride stepped on. Why do we do this? It’s like a series of bad job interviews with sex.” She jiggled her leg again, “Maybe I should get my belly button pierced or a tattoo.”

Tina smirked. “You’re too practical for a navel ring. A little tattoo might be okay but you should get something like that to make a statement. It should mean something. I hate it when some guy just gets one because he’s under the influence of alcohol and a bunch of idiots convinced him to put his girlfriend’s name on his neck.”

Emma couldn’t help but grin. “Only you would think a tattoo was a rite of passage. And why do we bother with men anyway?”