Tara Quinn - Fortune's Christmas Baby

Her phone buzzed a text and she took a quick look.

Okay and good luck. Love you.

She wasn’t telling him about Stella. Her mind was made up and Carmela’s pressure couldn’t change that. A decision like whether or not to tell the father of her baby that he had a child had to come from her.

“Look, I—I’m not planning to stalk you or anything,” Nolan said, looking so... Nolan as he stood there on the small cement landing that served as their excuse for a porch. For a second there she could feel him again. Feel the warmth. The sense that, with him, she was complete.

Which was ludicrous. She’d known it back then, and she knew it now. They hardly knew each other. It had been the holidays and her being alone that had played with her head. Made her vulnerable to fall hard for the man who’d offered her a romantic fling in place of spending Christmas alone.

Carmela had offered to take her home to her family with her, but Lizzie hadn’t wanted to go. Sometimes being a third wheel was worse than being alone.

Then she’d met Nolan. And had a two-week fairy tale. One she was remembering with too much intensity for her current well-being.

Her eyes lit on his mouth and her thoughts betrayed her as she felt an overwhelming desire to touch those lips with her own. But she was rational enough to know that kissing him would be the worst mistake she could make.

But to taste him one last time...

To be held in his arms...

No.

“I just... I needed to... Can we talk for a second?” he said when she got lost in her thoughts rather than responding. His hesitancy, so unlike the Nolan she’d known, had her curious.

“I kind of thought you’d be back,” she told him. Maybe she shouldn’t have. She didn’t know. The then and now crashing into each other like they were was confusing her. “Neither one of us really got closure. So let’s go ahead and get it and be done.”

If only she could be certain her inner self would agree as readily as she wanted Nolan to do.

Watching her, he squinted, as though taking her mettle. When he nodded, she started to breathe a little easier.

“Can we go inside?”

“No!” She took a quick breath and tempered her response. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she added more gently. “To be honest, I don’t want you in my personal space. Whatever we have to say can be said right out here.”

She glanced toward the parking lot, thinking maybe there’d be a car she didn’t recognize out there, but didn’t see one. The band traveled in a van. Last year he’d walked everywhere. Or she drove them.

“I’m sorry.” He looked her in the eye when he offered the apology.

She believed he meant it. “Accepted,” she said. And then, with an eye to getting rid of him for good this time, before she could be tempted to prolong the inevitable, she said, “Seriously, Nolan. I was upset when I tried to call you and the number was disconnected, but that was months ago. I’m really not harboring any hard feelings toward you, in spite of whatever Carmela might have insinuated.”

“I lied to you.”

She hadn’t expected the outright admission but she said, “Okay.”

“My real name isn’t Nolan Forte.”

Wow. The man was really unloading himself. Carmela must have done some number on him. When she was done chewing her roommate out for butting in someplace that wasn’t her place to butt, she’d tell her how successful she’d been. Where Nolan was concerned only.

“But then, you already knew that, didn’t you?”

If he was waiting for her to ask who he really was, he was going to be disappointed. She didn’t want to care about that.

“Look, Nolan, or whoever you are, I’ve told you, it’s fine. You’re making much more of a big deal of this than necessary. I appreciate you stopping by. I don’t feel as much like an inconsequential fling, and it’s really fine. I moved on months ago.”

He nodded, pivoted like he was about to leave and then turned back.

She would have liked to have been disappointed that it wasn’t over yet. So why did she have that one-second shot of relief?

Because maybe she did need to know the truth?

To tell her daughter someday.

Or just to find that last bit of peace within herself. Who was this man who’d managed to get past her defenses, the carefully constructed walls and rules that kept her safe out in the big bad world all alone? How had he done so? And how could she be certain that it never happened again, with anyone else?

“The real me isn’t someone you would like.”

“I’m not all that fond of the you I know.” Because he’d been a lie. But what was wrong with her? She didn’t spit mean words at people, no matter how deserving. It just wasn’t her way.

He acknowledged the hit with a bow of his head. It didn’t make her feel good.

“Look, Nolan. It’s not like you owed me anything. I just thought it was rude that you gave me a bogus number. The decent thing would have been to just let it end. Not drag it out with the illusion of possibility.” She turned to go back in. This was done.

“When I left here I was open to the possibility.”

Turning back, she stared at him. Her heart started to pound, constricting her breathing.

But it didn’t matter. “Our entire time together was a lie, based on you being someone you weren’t.”

She’d known. But until he’d acknowledged that truth, there’d been hope that she was wrong. It wasn’t until that moment that she realized she’d held on to that hope all these months in some small private recess of her heart.

“I am Nolan Forte,” he said, still meeting her gaze head-on. “On as many weekends as I can manage and for two weeks over the Christmas holiday.”

Confused, she reached behind her for the doorknob, not sure she was going in, but sure that she needed something to hold on to.

“Forte is my stage name.”

She hadn’t been important enough to be privy to anything other than that. So what did that make her, a common groupie? She felt stupid. She’d thought they were so much more than that.

He went on. “My family doesn’t know.”

About her? Or...

“They don’t know you’re Nolan Forte?”

He shook his head. “My oldest brother might suspect, but no, no one knows.”

“You just disappear and they have no idea where you are?”

“Pretty much.”

She had no idea what to do with that. So she focused elsewhere. He’d said “oldest brother.” “How many brothers do you have?”

Her curiosity wasn’t healthy. Still, she waited for his answer. Wondering if he’d answer.

“Three.”

Wow. Four boys. For a second there, she was imagining a nice brick two-story somewhere with trampled grass and a basketball hoop hooked to the garage. Nolan was out there with his brothers, topping a couple of them, showing them how the game was played.

“I’m the youngest of the boys.”

The imaginary video in her mind skidded to a halt and gave an instant replay. A little kid stood there now, watching the big guys play, wanting to play with them, but they wouldn’t let him.

“I also have three sisters.”

The mental video player disappeared. She stared at him. She’d thought they were both virtually alone in the world. Who, with a huge family, would be spending Christmas alone on the road, playing saxophone in a bar?

And then something else horrifying occurred to her. Maybe it should have before. Maybe in the darkest alleys in her mind it had.

“Are you married?”

“What?” His mouth dropped open and he frowned. “Are you kidding? Of course not! I wouldn’t have...” He shook his head.

She felt like smiling. The sensation passed almost immediately.