Helen Cox - Sunrise in New York

‘There we are.’ Jack laid my guitar and suitcase down on the sheepskin rug, which stretched out just in front of the fireplace. ‘I’ve never used it myself, but I think this settee actually doubles up as a bed.’ He started yanking cushions off the sofa, pulled at the base and unfolded a mattress. ‘Not sure how comfortable it’ll be.’

‘Oh, trust me, it’s a big step up from where I’ve been sleeping the last few nights,’ I said, and smiled. He did a sort of awkward half-smile that told me he understood. He couldn’t, of course. He had no idea what I’d been through. But I got the impression that he was the kind of guy who wanted to understand, even if that was beyond him. Esther was lucky, having a fella like that to take care of her. Not that she showed any outward sign of appreciation in front of other people, though I got the feeling things might be different when the two of them were alone.

‘Jack,’ she called, a touchy note in her voice. She’d scurried straight into the kitchen to make me something to eat, even though I’d just had a grilled cheese at the diner and had told her there was no need. Jack sauntered towards the kitchen and leaned on the inside of the doorway. ‘Why are the cupboards bare?’

‘Because we were going away over Christmas and you said we had to empty the cupboards. Don’t you remember that unforgettable dessert you made the night before the flight? The one that masterfully blended what was left of the breakfast cereal with those satsumas that were about to go off?’

‘Don’t get funny, Faber,’ came Esther’s sharp response. Sitting down on the edge of the sofa bed, I put my hand over my mouth, giggling at their little routine. ‘We’re not at all in a fit state to receive guests. You’ll have to go to the shop,’ Esther added.

‘Alright.’ Though I couldn’t see his expression I could hear a rich amusement flooding through Jack’s voice over the fuss Esther was kicking up. ‘I’ll go to the shop, but I don’t think you’re ever allowed to get at your mother again for her overzealous hospitality.’

‘Jack!’ Esther almost shrieked but her next words were muffled.

He’d moved towards her.

He was kissing her.

From my vantage point in the living room, on account of the fact the kitchen didn’t have a door to it, I saw him stooping over her. Her hands, clenched into fists at first, relaxed and ran up and down the length of his arms. I lowered my eyes and turned away. Peeling off my leather jacket, I pulled my suitcase up onto the bed and rifled through it for the notebook Jimmy had returned to me. Opening it up to the last page I’d written on, I read:

There’s no other thought or sight or sound.

The moment you kiss and you’re lost and you’re found.

I re-read the words and sighed down at them.

Jimmy.

Why couldn’t I get him out of my head? He’d done all those things to Esther and Jack and Ryan. But he’d also helped me even though he didn’t know me at all. Even though he knew I was a friend of Esther’s and she had no time for him.

And, that kiss…

I couldn’t forget the power of it, the desperation not just from me but from him too. I’d never been kissed like that before, that was for sure. I’d dated a few guys over the years, naturally, and pretty much all of them were guys I’d met at the bars and clubs I’d sung in. When you sing like an angel, people think you might be one for real and ask you out to dinner. Things roll along well enough until one day, often quite unexpectedly, they turn around and tell you it’s over. Nothing personal, they always say, it’s just that the relationship has run its course, that’s all. In every case, within eighteen months of me hearing it was ‘nothing personal’ the guy was engaged to some level-headed lawyer type or worse, an over-limber gym instructor who never stopped giggling. Like being happy all the time made you more attractive or something.

In either case, I always got to wondering what the hell they were dating me for if that’s who they were looking to wind up with. I was strong, sure, but I wasn’t going to win any awards for my athleticism, and as for being level-headed… Right, musicians are so well known for that.

‘It seems I’m going to the shop.’ Jack was back in the sitting room now and Esther was standing just behind him in the kitchen doorway with a vague, dreamy smile on her face. ‘I’ve been given a fairly comprehensive list of what to buy…’ Jack trailed off and grinned at Esther, and she used both hands to give him a playful shove. He responded to this by wrapping a big arm around her and pulling her close to him. She didn’t resist. ‘But is there anything in particular you want?’ he finished.

‘I’m good thanks, Esther already picked up the essentials on the walk here,’ I smiled, referring to the pack of Double Stuf Oreos she’d bought for me at a small shop on the corner run by an Armenian family. I was amazed she remembered they were my favourite cookie, but she was always really thoughtful like that. Shame I hadn’t shown her the same courtesy; things could’ve been very different if I had.

‘Right, back in a bit.’ Jack, with a touch of reluctance, unhooked his arm from Esther’s shoulder, pulled on a long navy parka jacket hanging by the front door and set off on his mission into the building blizzard outside.

Esther watched after Jack for a moment and then looked back at me. Still leaning in the doorway of the kitchen, she folded her arms across her chest.

‘So, you didn’t want to say anything in front of the whole diner crowd, I understand that more than most. But don’t I deserve to know what’s going on here?’

I sighed. She was almost as difficult to dodge on this subject as Jimmy had been. But it was for her own good. It was for everybody’s good.

‘You know that if I could tell you, I would. You know better than anyone what a terrible liar I am. But it’s not safe. I’m frightened to tell you. It might put you in danger,’ I said. From my position on the sofa bed, I pulled my knees up into my chest one at a time, rested my chin on them and looked up at her.

‘In that case, isn’t it dangerous even having you here in the house?’ she said, doing that pouty thing with her mouth that meant she wasn’t happy about something.

‘I… Well, to be honest, I guess it might put you in danger. But I don’t think so. If I thought there was a real risk of that, I wouldn’t be here. It’s me they…’ I paused just long enough to think about what they would do to me when they found me, before correcting myself. ‘So long as you don’t know anything, everything will be fine. All I need to do is get my head together and busk for some money and then I’ll figure out where I go from here.’

‘You still not talking to your family then?’ Esther said, pressing her lips hard against one another.

‘Nope.’ I looked down at my knees, wondering if my parents had even called my old apartment back in Atlantic City on Christmas Day. ‘I don’t understand why they can’t just accept what I want to do with my life. Alright, so playing a casino isn’t the most prestigious of jobs but it’s a way of playing music and paying bills.’

Esther shrugged. ‘Parents can be funny about stuff like that. I was a teacher once upon a time and saw it a lot with the kids I taught.’