Beth Albright - The Sassy Belles

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Meet the Sassy Belles.They’re strong as a mint juleps, sweet as peach cobbler, and no matter what, they stick together. There are only two seasons in Tuscaloosa—football and waiting-for-football. When Lewis Heart, football announcer and voice of the Crimson Tide, vanishes after an impromptu romp with Vivi Anne McFadden at the Fountain Mist Motel, Vivi does what any Southern woman would do: calls her best friend, Blake O’Hara Heart, attorney-at-law.With the town gossip swirling around them, Vivi and Blake are determined to find out what happened to Lewis and clear Vivi’s reputation. Because after all, men may come and go, but the Sassy Belles are forever. Not since Steel Magnolias have we fallen in love with such sexy, strong and hilarious Southern women.So grab your best girlfriends and join these Belles on the first of many joyrides through the Deep South…. Sexy Southern fun…with a hint of magnolia!

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“Miss Vivi, please. That’ll be all for this part. Can we try to skip to the place where he stopped breathin’. Please?” Sonny tried to redirect her, but Vivi didn’t hear anything, she was lost in the story, unfortunately reliving it for all of us like it was a sick skin flick. With all that had happened to her today, none of us felt ready to be harsh with her. There was nothing to do but keep right on listening.

“Lewis kept licking—all the way up to my thighs, then I felt his mouth on my abdomen, sliding his tongue below my navel. Just as he was on arrival, he slipped the toy out of my hand and flipped me back over on top of him, and said, ‘How ’bout a ride on the real horse, Red? Let’s go for a trot.’ He was full of the devil! And I loved it. I positioned myself just right. He was primed and ready. He started buckin’ like a wild bronco. I was bouncin’ up and down when…when it happened.”

We all sat up, backs straight on our bar stools, bug-eyed, mouths dropped open. I was afraid to ask, but someone had to do it. “When what happened, honey?”

“When suddenly, I felt him stop,” Vivi continued. “No sounds. No movement. No nothin’.” Vivi stopped talking. Her face dropped. She took a minute and we were all sitting still in the hushed silence.

Then she added, “I looked down at him, and he looked a little purple. But his eyes were open. So I…dismounted.”

By this time we could tell she was feeling her alcohol.

“I called his name out. ‘Lewis, Lewis!’ I got louder and louder but he just turned bluer and bluer. I slapped his face and nothin’. So I jumped up, and buttoned my dress and kept shoutin’ and shoutin’ the entire time. I shook him and still he didn’t budge. So I reached across his chest to the chair, grabbed my purse and fumbled for my cell phone and called Blake while running out of the room to my car. I just started driving aimlessly. Not sure where I was headed—I just knew I needed to be doin’ something. When I couldn’t get a hold of Blake, I called Harry.”

“Vivi? You okay?” I said. She looked at me, her eyes drooping. She heaved a big sigh. We all sat quietly. We had been through all of the emotions. No one spoke. I could hear the noise of the bar, but the mood had dropped. We all stared at Vivi. Sadness was hanging in the air like a wet drape. It was a crushing heaviness suffocating us.

“Okay, Miss Vivi, is that your statement?” Sonny was trying to remain professional, but I could see even he was shaken. “Would you like to add anything else?”

I motioned to Vivi to say no, but she couldn’t focus anymore. With all the Jack Daniel’s she had, she felt she needed to jabber.

“Mr. Sonny,” Vivi said, her eyes brimming with tears, “I never meant to hurt Lewis. He is my dear friend. I love him. Please find him. He may be out there confused. Maybe he had a seizure and when he came to, I wasn’t there. Or he could have forgotten who he is. Please…” Tears now spilling down her cheeks, she was like a child that needed to be held through the night after a nightmare.

Harry shoved a hundred-dollar bill at the bartender, stood up and straightened his tie. “Okay,” he announced. “I think my client’s done all she can and, personally, I don’t think she’s physically able to do much more.” He stood up and touched my shoulder. “We need to get her home.”

Harry said he would drive both me and Vivi in my car. We’d leave his vehicle at the Tutwiler. He shook Sonny’s hand and helped Vivi down from the stool.

“Thank you, Miss Vivi, you’ve been very helpful. We’ll be in touch,” Sonny said.

I balanced Vivi on my left side and Sonny leaned down and kissed my cheek. “Good seein’ you, Blake. Take care of yourself. I’ll be in touch.” He turned to walk away and his cell phone began ringing. He kept walking as he answered.

“Officer Bartholomew.”

Silence. Then, “Okay. I’m there in ten.”

He hung up and abruptly turned and looked at all three of us in the twilight of the Tutwiler lobby.

Sonny cleared his throat and looked Vivi in the eyes as he announced, “We’ve got a body.”

4

The chandelier in the Tutwiler lobby could have dropped and none of us would have moved. We were frozen. I looked immediately at Harry. This was possibly his baby brother. And though he and Lewis had not spoken in years, I could see he was visibly shaken.

“Where is it?” Harry said.

“Washed up at the Cypress Inn out at the river,” Sonny answered. “Some girl discovered it while taking a walk at the restaurant.”

The Cypress Inn was a longtime Tuscaloosa mainstay. It was built up high on the banks of the Warrior River, and it had a beautiful walking path that led down from the restaurant to the water.

Vivi started to cry at Sonny’s announcement. I held her still with my arm tightly around her shoulder.

“No, no, no… It isn’t true, is it? It’s not Lewis, is it? I don’t know what could have happened to him. Oh, I think I’m gonna throw up. Am I gonna be charged with murder now, Blake?”

She was breaking down now and crying hard. I held her a little closer and told her we weren’t even sure who the body was. She was shaking and going into shock.

“Vivi.” Harry was trying to help her get hold of herself. “The body has to be identified and the cause of death has to be determined, too. Nothing is gonna happen until we do the ID. Let’s get over to the Cypress Inn and see if we can get some answers. I’ll drive.”

Harry had a way of doing that. Taking charge. He was good at it, especially in a crisis. He could turn off the feelings and purely think—quite easily, actually. Sometimes I hated that.

We rode back over the bridge, back to the river for the third time that day and headed to the restaurant. The drive was a total blur, but ten minutes later we were all in the parking lot of the Cypress Inn.

Dusk is beautiful at the river. The reflection of the sun shimmering on the water can take your breath away. Flaming pinks and soothing turquoise draw blurry patterns across the indigo water. A liquid sunset. The expanse of the river is wide and the bank is thick with trees and snaky roots and kudzu vines that creep and crawl all the way down to the muddy water.

It’s a fast-flowing river, full of waves and ripples. It’s thick with underbrush and debris, making it notoriously one of the hardest areas for police divers to find anything. Or anyone. The Warrior is used for transportation. Time here is marked by the occasional slow-moving barge pushing coal up and down the river. Every so often, a speedboat races past, causing heavy waves to lap against the banks. A beautiful old riverboat called the Bama Belle would paddle down past the restaurant till sunset, when service would stop on the old vessel.

The Bama Belle was a sweet part of the fabric of the river. It was just for show. Tourists and out-of-town family loved it and kept it in business. But it was one of the main reasons I loved to eat at the Cypress Inn, especially at dusk. It was beautiful to see the boat in all her original glory just meandering along the curve of the river, on her way home, straight toward the setting sun, with her paddle wheel churning the muddy, ink-colored water below.

The Cypress Inn is built hanging off the hillside. All glass and old driftwood, it looks like it has been there forever. Two stories and facing the river, it’s built in a triangle shape so everyone can watch the river while they eat their catfish and hush puppies.

Hanging baskets of azalea and begonias drip blossoms over the outdoor porch. And the trees are thick with magnolia blooms big enough to hold the spoonfuls of occasional afternoon rainwater that was a daily, almost unnoticeable part of Southern springtime.

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