Carolyne Aarsen - The Cowboy's Christmas Baby

Then she headed home.

* * *

“Just drop me off at home,” Dean said as Vic turned off Main Street, heading toward the highway and the Rocking M. “I don’t feel like coming with you to Lauren’s place.”

“Home is twenty miles out of the way.” Vic shot his brother a questioning glance. “And I promised Lauren I’d get these groceries to her as soon as possible. I guess Erin is supposed to be arriving late this afternoon.”

Actually, she would be there sooner.

But Dean wasn’t going to mention that to Vic. He was still absorbing the shock seeing Erin had given him. He still didn’t know how he had mistaken her for Lauren.

Though they were twins, Lauren’s eyes were gray; Erin’s a soft blue. Lauren’s hair was blonder, Erin’s held a tinge of copper. And Erin had always had a quiet aloofness that he’d viewed as a constant challenge.

Seeing her again so easily erased the years since they were last together. One look into those blue eyes and once again he was the brash young man who was willing to take another chance at rejection from Erin McCauley. Once again he felt the sting of her steady refusals.

And then she’d pulled the car seat out of the back of the car and he felt as if his world had spun in another direction.

He hadn’t known she had a baby. Or that she was married, though she wasn’t wearing a ring. Neither Lauren nor Jodie mentioned a husband.

When he’d taken a closer look at her, he’d seen the hollowness of her cheeks, a dullness to her eyes. When she’d told Kelly she wasn’t married his world took another tumble.

Erin McCauley was always the unobtainable. Elusive. He had always known she was too good for him. And now, here she was. A single mother.

“I want to get working on that toolshed I promised Mom I’d finish,” he said, wishing he could forget about Erin, frustrated at the effect she had on him. “And I’m tired.”

He hoped his brother would accept his excuse and drive out of his way to bring Dean home but he doubted it. Vic was still in that glazed-eye stage of romance and would take advantage of any chance to see his fiancée.

“Tired and sullen from the sounds of things,” Vic said with a laugh. “I’m sure Mom won’t care if you’re a day late on the shed. Besides, you didn’t have to come to town with me today. I wouldn’t have minded if you checked the cows in the higher pasture.”

“They were okay when you rode up there last week. I doubt much has changed.”

“We’ve always checked them regularly,” Vic said but Dean ignored the comment. He had accepted Vic’s invitation to go to town precisely because he felt grumpy and guilty about not checking the cows. But he had hoped Vic wouldn’t nag him about not riding.

Dean hadn’t been on a horse since that bad toss off a saddle bronc that had shattered his leg and put his dreams of a rodeo career on hold. Vic had been at him to continue his therapy, to cowboy up and get back on the horse.

But Dean wasn’t about to admit to his brother why he didn’t do either.

“I know we do, but I was busy. That’s why I want to get working on that shed for Mom.” He knew he was wasting his argument but couldn’t give up without one last push. He really didn’t want to see Erin again. Especially not after he’d made that stupid joke about Lauren’s “uptight” sister.

“Then the shed is two days late instead of one.” Vic shrugged, turning onto the highway heading toward the Circle M ranch where Lauren and Jodie were waiting for their sister.

If they did a quick drop-off he and Vic could be on their way home before Erin arrived. When he’d met her it looked as if she was headed into the Grill and Chill so there was a possibility.

But Vic was whistling some vague country song, which meant his brother was happy about seeing his fiancée again. Which meant Dean would have to watch Lauren and Vic give each other those stupid, secret smiles. And the occasional kiss.

He was happy for his brother. Truly.

But ever since his girlfriend Tiffany broke up with him, less than twenty minutes before the ride he’d injured himself on, Dean had struggled with a combination of anger and betrayal.

Being dumped just before a ride that could have put him on the road to a major title was bad enough. Finding out that she was leaving him for his brother, whom she’d had a secret crush on the whole time they were dating only added insult to the actual injury he’d been dealt.

The fact that Vic and Tiffany hadn’t gotten together after the accident helped, but knowing his girlfriend preferred his brother over him still stung.

And now Erin was in back town. Erin who seemed to prefer anyone to him.

Every summer since their parents’ divorce, Erin had come from Knoxville to Saddlebank to stay with her father. And every summer, from the time they were both fifteen, he’d asked her out. And every time she’d turned him down. Thankfully his ego was more intact then. He kept thinking that his dogged persistence would do the trick, but when she told him the last time he asked her that she didn’t approve of his lifestyle and didn’t approve of him, he got the message.

He knew sweet Erin McCauley was above his pay-grade and that she frowned upon his ever-increasing rowdiness, but at that time in his life obstacles had just seemed like challenges he could overcome. And Erin, with her gentle smile and kind nature, was exactly that kind of challenge. One that he’d lost.

He’d had girlfriends since then but deep down he always compared them to her.

His gold standard.

And now?

Pain twinged through his leg and he shifted it, grimacing as he did. Now he had even less to offer her or any other woman. A crippled ex-bronc rider trying to figure out what he was going to do with his life.

“So what does Jan have you working on these days?” Vic asked, pulling him from the melancholy memories.

“We’re finishing up a hay shed for the Bannisters and there’s a big job coming up in Mercy I’m hoping to get in on.”

“You still enjoy the work?”

“It’s work,” Dean said carefully knowing that his brother was fishing. Again. Feeling him out about coming in as a partner on the ranch. That had always been the plan when Vic made a deal with Keith McCauley to lease his ranch. Then came the accident that changed so much for Dean. Now he wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore or where he fit. Rodeo was off the table and he didn’t know how much of an asset he could be to Vic.

If he couldn’t ride a horse.

“Once Erin comes back Lauren and Jodie can make a final decision about the Circle M. And I was hoping you would make one, too,” Vic returned.

“I thought their dad said in his will that only two of them had to stay two months.” When Keith McCauley died his will stipulated that two of the girls had to stay two months on the ranch in order for all three to inherit.

“Lauren and Jodie both fulfilled the conditions of their dad’s will, that’s true, but I think they just want to talk it over with Erin. Out of courtesy.” Vic waited a beat, then shot him a glance. “And once that’s done, we need to make a decision about you coming in with me as a partner.”

“I know. I need some time.” Dean shifted in his seat again, stifling his frustration as he watched the fields flowing past.

“You’ve had time. This was the plan,” Vic continued, his voice holding an edge of anger. “We talked about it before I approached Keith McCauley to lease the ranch from him, and now that it’s pretty much a go I want to expand the herd. But I can’t do that if I can’t get a commitment from you.”

Dean knew he was stalling and understood his brother’s exasperation. Ranching together had been their plan for the past ten years. When he’d dated Tiffany he’d imagined his life with her in the little house on one corner of the Circle M Ranch, tucked up against the river.