Carolyne Aarsen - The Cowboy's Christmas Baby

Then he smiled, his eyes lit up and his features were transformed.

The old curl of attraction that she had always fought when she was around him gripped her heart. Her mouth, if it was possible, became even drier.

He walked toward her, his smile growing. “Hey, there. What are you doing here?”

Erin stared at him, surprised at his casual question. But to her consternation, even after all these years and all that had happened to her, he could still lift her heart rate. “I’m headed home,” she managed.

“Vic said you were too busy to come to town. I thought you were getting ready for a visit from your uptight sister, if you’ll pardon the little joke.”

And then realization dawned.

He thought she was Lauren. Her twin sister. And she knew the exact moment he realized this himself.

His mouth shifted, his eyes narrowed and he visibly withdrew.

Crazy that this bothered her. Dean was so far in the past he may as well have been a character in the fairy stories she had once loved reading and drawing pictures of.

“My apologies. I thought you were—”

“Lauren,” she finished for him. “Sorry. I’m Erin. The uptight sister.”

He frowned as he assimilated this information, his hands slipping into the back pocket of his worn blue jeans. “Jodie and Lauren said you were coming this evening.” He didn’t even have the grace to look ashamed of himself.

“I’m early. Heavy foot.”

He was silent a beat, as if still absorbing the reality of her presence. “So. How’ve you been?”

She wanted to make some glib remark about what he’d said about her character but didn’t have the energy so she simply went with “Fine. I’m fine.”

“Right.” He gave her a tight smile, visibly retreating.

She shouldn’t be too surprised at his reaction or what he’d said about her. Every time he’d asked her out the summers she spent on her father’s ranch, she’d turned him down. He was a rough-living young man who rode hard, drank hard and played hard.

And yet, there had always been something about him that appealed. Some measure of self-confidence and brash self-awareness she knew she lacked.

In spite of the attraction she’d felt, her practical self had told her that Dean Moore was not the kind of man a good Christian girl wanted in her life.

And now?

She was hardly the sweet, innocent girl who’d left Saddlebank all those years back. Hardly walking with her Lord like she used to. She’d turned away from God nine months ago. When she’d found out she would be a single mother.

“So, you headed to the ranch?” Dean asked.

“Eventually. I thought I’d make a quick stop at the Grill and Chill.” Her mouth was even drier than before. Some soda or tea and a few moments to settle her nerves before seeing her sisters was just what she needed.

“Okay. Well, I’ll see you around.”

She held his gaze a beat longer, surprised at the twinge of attraction he still created. The usual battle of her head and heart, she thought. Drawn to the wrong kind of person.

Then a muffled cry from the car pulled her attention away from him and to her baby still tucked in her carrier in the backseat.

Erin opened the door and took a second to inhale the sweet scent of baby powder and Caitlin’s shampoo. With a gentle finger she stroked her baby’s tender cheek, still amazed at the rush of love this tiny infant could pull from her. Six weeks ago she’d come into Erin’s life and since then regardless of the exhaustion and confusion that dragged at her every day, Caitlin had been a bright spot in a life that had, of late, had some dark and hard valleys.

Erin grabbed the muslin blanket from beside her and laid it over top so her baby wouldn’t be exposed to the wind or the sun, then gently pulled the seat free, tucking her arm under the handle and straightening.

Dean still stood there, frowning as if still trying to absorb the reality of her situation. His puzzlement grew as he glanced from the car seat hanging on her arm to her ringless left hand.

Yes, I am a single mother, she wanted to say, and no, this was not in my long-term plan when I left here that summer. After turning you down yet again.

Their gazes locked for a few heartbeats more as if acknowledging a shared past.

As she closed the door of the car he touched the brim of his hat in a surprisingly courtly gesture, then turned and left, his steps uneven, his one leg hitching with every movement.

She guessed this was from his rodeo accident almost a year back. Lauren had alluded to it in the texts they had exchanged the past few months.

Sadness winged through her. How much had changed for both of them since that summer, all those years ago.

She took a few steps almost getting bowled over by a young woman.

“Hey, Dean, wait up,” the woman called and while Erin watched she ran up to him, tucking her arm in his. She was slender, tall, her brown hair shining in the sunlight, her trim figure enhanced by a snug tank top and denim pants. “You coming to the dance on Friday night? I was hoping you’d save a waltz for me.” She slid a red-painted fingernail down his arm. Her head tipped to one side as she obviously flirted with him.

Erin recognized Kelly Sands, a girl a few years younger than both of them, daughter of a local, wealthy rancher. She remembered Kelly as a somewhat spoiled girl who loved a good time more than she loved the consequences of it.

“I doubt I’ll be going to any dance,” Erin heard Dean say, his voice gruff.

“Oh, c’mon. It will be fun. We can hang out. Like old times.”

Then for some reason Dean glanced back at her and Erin saw herself through his eyes.

Hair pulled up in a sloppy bun. T-shirt with a ketchup stain from when she held Caitlin while trying to wolf down a hot dog. Yoga pants worn for comfort and ease of movement and flip-flops for the same reason.

Yeah. Not so much to compare to.

Then just as Erin was about to step into the café Kelly turned to see where Dean was looking. She frowned her puzzlement and then suddenly her smile grew brighter. “Hey, Erin. Wow. I haven’t seen you in ages.”

“It’s been a few years,” Erin admitted, her pride stung that while Kelly, who barely knew her, could see the difference between her and Lauren and Dean couldn’t.

“And look at you. With a baby.” Kelly let go of Dean’s arm and scurried over, lifting the cloth covering the car seat. “Oh, my goodness. She’s adorable.” Kelly looked up at her. “I’m guessing from the pink sleeper she’s a girl.”

“Yes. She is.”

“I didn’t know you were married,” Kelly continued, covering Caitlin again and, as Dean had, looking at her left hand.

Erin didn’t want to blush or feel a recurrence of the shame that she struggled to deal with.

So she looked Kelly straight in the eye. “I’m not.”

The girl released a surprised laugh, as if she didn’t believe her. “Really? You of all people?”

Erin wasn’t going to dignify that with a response so she simply kept her chin up, figuratively and literally, and held Kelly’s gaze, saying nothing.

“I guess people really do change,” Kelly said. Then with a dismissive shrug of her shoulder she walked back to Dean. “And I’ll see you on Saturday,” she told him, her hand lingering on his arm.

Erin pulled her gaze away, wondering why she cared who Dean hung out with. But as she looked over at the door of the Grill and Chill, Dean’s reaction lingered, as did Kelly’s comment.

If she went inside she would probably meet someone she knew. And face more of what she’d just dealt with.

She couldn’t handle more censure, puzzled glances and assumptions.

So in spite of the thirst parching her throat, she put Caitlin back in the car.