Cathy Sharp - A Daughter’s Sorrow

‘As long as we have Christmas. I need a little time to prepare him …’

‘Yes, of course. I understand perfectly,’ the doctor said. ‘I don’t like this any more than you do, Miss O’Rourke, but I don’t have a choice. If neglected, Tommy is just going to get worse.’

‘Yes, I know,’ I said. ‘I know what I have to do, doctor, but not until after Christmas.’

Mam was sitting in her chair by the stove when I went in. She hadn’t done a thing all day and there was a pile of ironing waiting for me to start. ‘So you’re back then,’ she said sourly. ‘You can go up—’

There was a knock at the door before she could finish and I went to answer it. Ernie Cole was standing on the doorstep, cap in hand. He looked at me awkwardly, as if unsure of my reaction.

‘Ma sent this,’ he said and held out a parcel wrapped in greaseproof paper. ‘She made too much cake mixture and this was left over …’

I glared at him, tempted to thrust his gift back in his face, but then I remembered Tommy. A cake was a cake and I had little enough to spend on my brother as it was.

‘Thank Mrs Cole for me,’ I said stiffly. ‘It was kind of her to think of us. Tommy will enjoy it.’

‘It’s nuthin’ much,’ he said, seeming relieved that I hadn’t yelled at him. ‘Is there anythin’ I can do fer yer, Bridget? Chop wood or—’

‘Thanks but I did that this morning.’ He nodded and turned away. ‘If I don’t see you before – Happy Christmas, Ernie, to you and your ma.’

He looked back at me and grinned. ‘You’ll see me, lass. Don’t forget Mr Dawson has promised us a bit of a do at the brewery Christmas Eve. He’s closin’ at two so we can all ’ave a mince tart and a glass of ale before we go home.’

‘Bridget!’ Mam’s voice called from the kitchen. ‘Stop gossiping and come here.’

‘I have to go,’ I said. ‘Thank your ma for the cake.’

Mam glared at me as I returned to the kitchen. ‘What have you got there?’ she demanded. ‘We don’t want charity.’

‘It’s a piece of cake for Tommy. He’s entitled and he’s having it.’

She sniffed and drew the whisky jar to her, pouring what was left into the glass. Finding there was no more than a mouthful she pulled a face and took some coins from the shelf.

‘Go and fetch me a jar.’

‘It’s dark out, Mam. I’ll get it in the morning.’

‘You’ll get it now!’ She sprang up and lunged at me, catching my head with the flat of her hand. ‘You’ll do as you’re told or I’ll make you sorry.’ She lifted the hot iron from the fire and threatened me with it. ‘You’ll get a taste of this in a minute.’

I went out without looking at her.

It was cold and dark in the lane and I hugged my shawl tightly about me. I hated having to go to the pub after dark because I was always afraid that Harry Wright might be hanging around, although I hadn’t seen him since the night he attacked me.

I ran all the way to the Feathers. As I came out, I shivered in the cold wind, catching the stink of the river, and then I began to walk very fast in the direction of my home. When I heard the echo of footsteps behind me my heart took a leap of fear, but I refused to look back. I couldn’t go on fearing an attack from Harry Wright for the rest of my life.

Besides, it wasn’t Harry. Why should it be? I hadn’t seen him in the lane since that night. He probably believed I had told Jamie what he’d done and would stay well clear.

‘Bridget!’ I heard the voice call to me. ‘Bridget, wait for me!’

It was Jamie’s voice. I stopped walking and turned as he came striding up to me.

‘Oh, Jamie … Is it really you?’ If it were not for the whisky jar I would have flung myself into his arms and hugged him.

‘Sure and it’s the very same,’ he said, his eyes bright with devilment. ‘Who else would it be?’

‘I thought …’ I stopped, remembering why I’d never told him about the attempted rape. ‘It’s dark and I was nervous.’

‘You shouldn’t be out on your own at this hour.’ Jamie frowned as he saw what I was carrying. ‘So, she’s still up to her old tricks then? I might have known. She must be losing her mind, sending you out on a night like this for that.’

‘I don’t mind. It’s so good to see you, Jamie. Where have you been? Did you find regular work?’

‘That I did and more of it to come. What do you think these are, me darlin’?’

He was carrying several parcels and I smiled as I sensed his pleasure. ‘Presents for Tommy I hope.’

‘And for you, Bridget,’ he said. ‘I’ve money in my pocket for Mam and some to spare.’

‘You sound as if you’ve done well, Jamie?’

‘I have that, Bridget. It was good advice you were after givin’ me. I’ve been workin’ up Canning Town way.’

‘Canning Town?’ I looked at him in surprise. ‘What were you doing there, Jamie?’

‘A bit of building,’ he said and grinned. ‘Takin’ the inside of a shop to pieces and puttin’ in new counters.’

‘That must have been a good job. You were lucky to find it.’

‘That I was, me darlin’.’ Jamie was cock-a-hoop at his success and it made me feel good. ‘Joe Robinson leased the shop and he’s going to open it after Christmas – or his sister is. It’s to be a flower shop.’

‘A flower shop like Maisie’s stall on the market? I didn’t know people sold flowers in a shop.’

‘Nor did I until I met Mary Robinson,’ he said. ‘They’re nice people, Bridget – Mrs Robinson, too. She’s a widow but pleasant and cheerful … Mary’s like her mother, but she’s not very strong. She had rheumatic fever a few years ago and it left her with a weak chest. Not that she complains. She’s always wanted a flower shop and Joe rented it for next to nothing, so he hired me to do it up for her.’

Jamie was full of himself and his new friends. I wondered if the Joe Robinson who had hired my brother was the same one who had been there the night I was attacked in the lane. It seemed unlikely and I hoped the name was just a coincidence.

The sparkle faded from Jamie’s eyes as we went into the house and he heard Mam yell from the kitchen. ‘Where’s that jar? You’ve taken your time, you little …’ She broke off as she saw Jamie, her face screwing up in temper. ‘Come home at last, have you? And I suppose you expect me to feed you over Christmas?’

‘No, Mam. I’m not stopping. I’ve friends to visit and then I’m back off where I came from for Christmas.’ He took four gold sovereigns from his pocket and laid them on the table in front of her. ‘That’s for you and these parcels are for Bridget and Tommy.’

‘Trust you to waste good money …’ She stopped as she saw the look on Jamie’s face. ‘It’s about time you gave me something … Weeks with nothing it’s been.’

‘The money is for food and coke,’ Jamie said. ‘Not whisky, Mam. By the looks of it you’ve had far too much of it recently. You’ll kill yourself if you’re not careful.’

‘And who asked your opinion?’

‘No one, but that’s never stopped me giving it yet. I’m telling you, that stuff will do you in if you don’t give it a rest.’

‘You keep your mouth shut. Go back where you came from and leave me alone.’ She gave him a surly look and grabbed the jar from me, holding it to her protectively as though she thought he might snatch it from her. ‘Go on, clear off.’

‘I’m going. I only came for Bridget’s sake. If it wasn’t for her and Tommy you wouldn’t get another penny from me.’

‘It’s little enough I get now! That slut of a sister of yours can go scrubbin’ floors after Christmas. It’s about time she earned her keep, sittin’ around in that office all day while I slave me fingers to the bone.’