Cathy Sharp - A Daughter’s Sorrow

‘I can’t afford to, Bridget. I’ve no money for Mam …’

‘You’ll likely earn some another day.’

‘And when’s that likely to be? I can’t stand it, Bridget. Sometimes I think I’ll run away – go to America like Da did.’

‘Do you think that’s where he is? Mam said he was drowned, but Lainie said she was lyin’.’

‘Well, it was what we told the coppers,’ Jamie said. ‘Maybe Mam believes it now, but I reckon he got away. He’d spoken of going back to the old country and from there to America. Ah, it’s a grand life there so they say – the streets are paved with gold, so they are.’

‘You don’t really believe that?’

Jamie grinned, his arrogant manner back in place. ‘No, but there’s more opportunity for a man to get on. I’m sick of bowing and scraping just to get a day’s work …’

‘Why don’t you try something else, Jamie? Something better than casual work on the docks. Why let them humiliate you? Show them you’re better than that!’

‘There’s nothing else on offer round here, Bridget. I’ve been everywhere and none of them would give me a chance, even if they wanted a man—’

‘Then go further afield … don’t just give up, Jamie. Try to make some sort of a life for yourself.’

‘It might mean me being away for weeks – even months. There would be no money until I got a chance to come back for a visit.’

‘We could manage. And if you went to America we might never see you again. At least this way you could come home now and again.’

‘Would you miss me, darlin’?’

‘You know I would, Jamie, but you’re wasting your time around here. I’d like to see you settled …’

‘I’ll think about it,’ he said and then frowned. ‘Why don’t you get back to work, Bridget? Mr Dawson won’t be too pleased as it is, I’ll wager?’

‘No, he wasn’t,’ I admitted and studied his face. ‘Are you sure you’re all right? Sergeant Jones said I should make sure you got home safely.’

‘I’ll see Mam, then I’ll be off. Make inquiries about work elsewhere. No doubt they’ll be fallin’ over themselves for me services …’ He grinned at me, his old confidence coming through. ‘If you don’t see me for a while you’ll know I’ve taken your advice.’

‘You won’t go to America?’

Jamie hesitated, then shook his head. ‘No – not yet, anyway. I promise I’ll tell you if I decide to go and I’ll see you’ve got a bit o’ money in your pocket. Get off then before Mr Dawson gives you up for lost.’

I ran all the way back to the brewery, terrified that I would lose my job. It was going to be hard enough without Lainie’s money, and if Jamie didn’t bring anything in either Mam would create, but I was glad I’d told him he ought to move on. Being out of work so often was making him bitter and I wanted the old, carefree Jamie back – even if it meant that I had to bear the brunt of Ma’s temper.

Mr Dawson didn’t dismiss me that day. Instead, he gave me a rise of two shillings and sixpence. It was more than he’d promised and I thought he wanted to make up for being sharp with me earlier.

I decided not to give this first rise to Mam and I bought some eggs at the shop on the way home and a tiny corner of butter for Tommy. I hesitated over some raspberry drops, then bought a small twist for him as a treat.

‘Put these in your pocket and don’t let Mam find them,’ I told him as I gave him the sweets. ‘It’s our secret.’

‘If she finds them I’ll tell her I won them off a lad at school.’

Mam was in a bad temper when she came in from gossiping with Maggie Ryan. She looked at the eggs I’d cooked for our tea and then glared at me.

‘I suppose I know where they came from!’ she muttered and banged the pots on the stove. ‘You just watch yourself with that Fred Pearce, my girl. He’s up to no good – giving you things …’

‘It’s only a few eggs, Mam. I gave Tommy two because he’s growing, but I saved one for you. Shall I boil it or fry it for you?’

‘Neither. I’ll put it in the pudding for Mr Phillips’ dinner.’ Her gaze narrowed menacingly as she looked me over. ‘If I find out you’ve been up to something …’

‘I wouldn’t, Mam. You know I wouldn’t do anything to shame you.’

‘You’ll rue the day you were born if I catch you hanging about with men.’ She cuffed my ear in passing as I rose to gather the tea things. ‘Did you speak to Mr Dawson about putting you on the ales?’

‘No, Mam …’ I ducked as she came at me again. ‘Don’t hit me! Mr Dawson is going to give me a rise next week – and Mrs Dawson is going to teach me to be a secretary.’

‘You watch your language, my girl!’ She stared at me suspiciously. ‘What’s that supposed to mean then? I know his sort, all hands. If you’re lettin’ him do things to you …’

‘No, Mam! It means I’m going to keep the accounts and learn to use one of those typing machines. Mrs Dawson says I’ll earn a lot more once I’ve learned than I will on the ales.’

‘How much more?’

‘Perhaps as much as fifteen shillings a week when I’m trained.’

Her mouth twisted in disbelief. ‘She’s having you on, Bridget. They’ll never pay you that! Unless he’s interfering with you? Bloody men, they never know when to keep their hands to themselves.’

‘Of course he isn’t doing anything – Mr Dawson isn’t like that, you know he isn’t. And I wouldn’t let him if he tried. I shan’t get that sort of money for a long time, but the more I learn the more they will pay me. Please don’t make me leave, Mam. I like it there and Mr Dawson said he wouldn’t put me on the ales yet anyway. I should have to go scrubbin’ and then there would be no chance of anything better.’

‘We’ll be needing more money with that whore of a sister of yours leaving us in the lurch, and Jamie bringing home next to nothing.’

‘Jamie hasn’t been able to find regular work. It isn’t his fault … the bosses won’t give him a proper job.’

‘And whose fault is that? He’s a troublemaker like Sam. Always fighting! It was the worst day of my life when I met Sam O’Rourke. I had a good place in service until he …’ She broke off and scowled. ‘If you’re lying to me about the money I’ll make you sorry.’

‘You’ll see, Mam. I’ll bring you extra money next week.’

‘See you do,’ she muttered, clipping my ear again. ‘That’s nothing to what you’ll get if I catch you out, miss. Now you can go up the Feathers and get me a jar of whisky.’ She took half a crown from the shelf and slapped it down on the table in front of me. ‘Come straight back and don’t lose the change.’

I was resentful as I made my way towards the pub at the end of the lane. It was still early in the evening and there were plenty of people about. Mr Ryan from next door was on his way home from work.

Tilly Cullen waved as she scurried home to get her husband’s tea. She was the laziest woman in the street, spending most of her time gossiping with her friend. Maggie Ryan had told me that Tilly’s house was a tip most of the time.

‘I don’t know how she gets away with it,’ Maggie had said. ‘My Mick would take his belt to me if I let things go the way she does.’

When I came out of the Feathers, I glanced round uneasily, half fearing that Harry Wright might be hanging around waiting to grab me again, but there was no sign of him. I breathed a sigh of relief and did my best to put the incident out of my mind; it wasn’t likely that I would see Harry for a while. He couldn’t be sure that I hadn’t told Jamie, and he would be aware of my brother’s reputation.

Even so, I walked home quickly. Ernie Cole and a group of other young men and women were walking up the lane towards me, obviously heading for the pub and a night out. Ernie waved to me but I ignored him as always, hurrying inside the house.