Beth Morrey - Saving Missy

‘That there’s Badger, and that there’s Barker,’ he pointed, though as with Sylvie’s dogs, I had no idea how he could tell the difference. ‘Bob’s a boy’s name,’ he continued, tapping his ash on the lid of a nearby bin.

‘It’s from Blackadder ,’ I hazarded, hoping there would be no need to elaborate.

He frowned for a second, then chuckled. ‘Aye. Good name for a dog.’ I felt briefly gratified, as though it were my own achievement.

The dogs paused for breath and seizing this as my cue, I moved forwards to put Bob back on her lead, saying ‘well, it’s been nice to meet you …’ But the words died on my lips as Bob chose that moment to lift herself inelegantly onto her haunches and answer the call of nature. This was the moment I’d been dreading, and now I was going to have to deal with it with him there, watching me scrabbling in the mud.

Fumbling for the poo bags, I fished out of my pocket, took a deep breath and bent to do the deed. The smell was asphyxiating, steaming slightly in the spring chill. How did one use the bag? Could I slide it along the ground and flick in the mess with a stick? Dithering, I accidentally inhaled and immediately retched. This was horrifying. I would have to take Bob back to Angela’s; she’d have to go to the dog’s home. I would go back to checking the cupboards. Maybe I could save up for the alarm system. The bag fell from my shaking hands to the ground.

‘Want some help?’ He crouched down beside me, picking up the flimsy sack and putting it over his hand like a plastic puppet. He leant forward and deftly scooped up the excrement in one fluid movement, causing me to retch again. Tying a knot in the top, he presented it to me with a courtly flourish, like a little gift. I took it with the tips of my fingers, revolted and horribly embarrassed.

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