Knowledge house - Oscar Wilde - The Complete Works

lord darlington

[ Rising from R. table, where he has been writing letters .] They always do find us bad!

dumby

I don’t think we are bad. I think we are all good, except Tuppy.

lord darlington

No, we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. [ Sits down at C. table .]

dumby

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars? Upon my word, you are very romantic to-night, Darlington.

cecil graham

Too romantic! You must be in love. Who is the girl?

·93· lord darlington

The woman I love is not free, or thinks she isn’t. [ Glances instinctively at Lord Windermere while he speaks .]

cecil graham

A married woman, then! Well, there’s nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It’s a thing no married man knows anything about.

lord darlington

Oh! she doesn’t love me. She is a good woman. She is the only good woman I have ever met in my life.

cecil graham

The only good woman you have ever met in your life?

lord darlington

Yes!

cecil graham

[ Lighting a cigarette .] Well, you are a lucky fellow! Why, I have met hundreds of good women. I never seem to meet any but good women. The world is perfectly packed with good women. To know them is a middle-class education.

·94· lord darlington

This woman has purity and innocence. She has everything we men have lost.

cecil graham

My dear fellow, what on earth should we men do going about with purity and innocence? A carefully thought-out buttonhole is much more effective.

dumby

She doesn’t really love you then?

lord darlington

No, she does not!

dumby

I congratulate you, my dear fellow. In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it. The last is much the worst, the last is a real tragedy! But I am interested to hear she does not love you. How long could you love a woman who didn’t love you, Cecil?

cecil graham

A woman who didn’t love me? Oh, all my life!

dumby

So could I. But it’s so difficult to meet one.

·95· lord darlington

How can you be so conceited, Dumby?

dumby

I didn’t say it as a matter of conceit. I said it as a matter of regret. I have been wildly, madly adored. I am sorry I have. It has been an immense nuisance. I should like to be allowed a little time to myself now and then.

lord augustus

[ Looking round .] Time to educate yourself, I suppose.

dumby

No, time to forget all I have learned. That is much more important, dear Tuppy. [ Lord Augustus moves uneasily in his chair .]

lord darlington

What cynics you fellows are!

cecil graham

What is a cynic? [ Sitting on the back of the sofa .]

lord darlington

A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

cecil graham

And a sentimentalist, my dear Darlington, is a ·96· man who sees an absurd value in everything, and doesn’t know the market price of any single thing.

lord darlington

You always amuse me, Cecil. You talk as if you were a man of experience.

cecil graham

I am. [ Moves up to front of fireplace .]

lord darlington

You are far too young!

cecil graham

That is a great error. Experience is a question of instinct about life. I have got it. Tuppy hasn’t. Experience is the name Tuppy gives to his mistakes. That is all. [ Lord Augustus looks round indignantly .]

dumby

Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes.

cecil graham

[ Standing with his back to the fireplace .] One shouldn’t commit any. [ Sees Lady Windermere’s fan on sofa .]

dumby

Life would be very dull without them.

·97· cecil graham

Of course you are quite faithful to this woman you are in love with, Darlington, to this good woman?

lord darlington

Cecil, if one really loves a woman, all other women in the world become absolutely meaningless to one. Love changes one— I am changed.

cecil graham

Dear me! How very interesting! Tuppy, I want to talk to you. [ Lord Augustus takes no notice .]

dumby

It’s no use talking to Tuppy. You might just as well talk to a brick wall.

cecil graham

But I like talking to a brick wall—it’s the only thing in the world that never contradicts me! Tuppy!

lord augustus

Well, what is it? What is it? [ Rising and going over to Cecil Graham .]

cecil graham

Come over here. I want you particularly. [ Aside .] Darlington has been moralising and ·98· talking about the purity of love, and that sort of thing, and he has got some woman in his rooms all the time.

lord augustus

No, really! really!

cecil graham

[ In a low voice .] Yes, here is her fan. [ Points to the fan .]

lord augustus

[ Chuckling .] By Jove! By Jove!

lord windermere

[ Up by door .] I am really off now, Lord Darlington. I am sorry you are leaving England so soon. Pray call on us when you come back! My wife and I will be charmed to see you!

lord darlington

[ Up stage with Lord Windermere .] I am afraid I shall be away for many years. Good-night!

cecil graham

Arthur!

lord windermere

What?

cecil graham

I want to speak to you for a moment. No, do come!

·99· lord windermere

[ Putting on his coat .] I can’t—I’m off!

cecil graham

It is something very particular. It will interest you enormously.

lord windermere

[ Smiling .] It is some of your nonsense, Cecil.

cecil graham

It isn’t! It isn’t really.

lord augustus

[ Going to him .] My dear fellow, you mustn’t go yet. I have a lot to talk to you about. And Cecil has something to show you.

lord windermere

[ Walking over .] Well, what is it?

cecil graham

Darlington has got a woman here in his rooms. Here is her fan. Amusing, isn’t it? [ A pause .]

lord windermere

Good God! [ Seizes the fan—Dumby rises .]

cecil graham

What is the matter?

·100· lord windermere

Lord Darlington!

lord darlington

[ Turning round .] Yes!

lord windermere

What is my wife’s fan doing here in your rooms? Hands off, Cecil. Don’t touch me.

lord darlington

Your wife’s fan?

lord windermere

Yes, here it is!

lord darlington

[ Walking towards him .] I don’t know!

lord windermere

You must know. I demand an explanation. Don’t hold me, you fool. [ To Cecil Graham .]

lord darlington

[ Aside .] She is here after all!

lord windermere

Speak, sir! Why is my wife’s fan here? Answer me! By God! I’ll search your rooms, and if my wife’s here, I’ll—— [ Moves .]

·101· lord darlington

You shall not search my rooms. You have no right to do so. I forbid you!

lord windermere

You scoundrel! I’ll not leave your room till I have searched every corner of it! What moves behind that curtain? [ Rushes towards the curtain C .]

mrs. erlynne

[ Enters behind R .] Lord Windermere!

lord windermere

Mrs. Erlynne!

[ Every one starts and turns round. Lady Windermere slips out from behind the curtain and glides from the room L .]

mrs. erlynne

I am afraid I took your wife’s fan in mistake for my own, when I was leaving your house to-night. I am so sorry. [ Takes fan from him. Lord Windermere looks at her in contempt. Lord Darlington in mingled astonishment and anger. Lord Augustus turns away. The other men smile at each other .]