Anna Snoekstra - Only Daughter

“Fuck, do you think that’s your long-lost twin or what?”

“Yeah, you wish!”

We’d started joking about Peter’s gross twin fantasies and he forgot about it pretty soon. Nothing stuck around long in Peter’s mind.

I try to remember every detail I can from the show. She was from Canberra, a teenager, maybe fifteen or sixteen at the time she went missing. In some ways, I was lucky the side of my face was bruised and swollen. It masked the subtle differences that distinguished us. I’ll be well and truly gone by the time the bruising fades. I only need to buy myself enough time to get me out of the station, to the airport maybe. For a moment my mind wanders to what I would do after that. Call Dad? I hadn’t spoken to him since I left. I had picked up a pay phone a few times, even punched in his mobile number. But then the sickening sound of soft weight crashing against metal would fill my head and I’d hang up with shaking hands. He wouldn’t want to talk to me.

The door opens and the female cop peeks in and smiles at me.

“This won’t take too much longer. Can I get you something to eat?”

“Yes, please.”

The slight embarrassment in her voice, the way she looks at me and then quickly averts her eyes.

I had them.

* * *

She brings me a box of piping-hot noodles from the takeaway next door. They’re oily and a bit slimy, but I’ve never enjoyed a meal so much. Eventually, a detective comes into the room. He puts a file on the table and pulls out a chair. He looks brutish, with a thick neck and small eyes. I can tell by the way he sits down that my best chance with him is ego. He seems to be trying to take up as much space as possible, his arm resting on the chair next to him, his legs wide open. He smiles across the table.

“I’m sorry this is taking so long.”

“That’s okay,” I say, wide eyes, small voice. I turn my face slightly, to make sure he’s looking at the bruised side.

“We’re going to bring you to the hospital soon, okay?”

“I’m not hurt. I just want to go home.”

“It’s procedure. We’ve been calling your parents, but so far there’s been no answer.”

I imagine the phone ringing in Rebecca Winter’s empty house. That was probably for the best; her parents would just complicate things. The detective takes my silence as disappointment.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll get a hold of them soon. They’ll need to come here to make the identification. Then you can go home together.”

That’s the last thing I need, to be called out as a fraud in front of a room full of cops. My confidence starts to slip. I need to turn this around.

I speak into my lap. “I want to go home more than anything.”

“I know. It won’t be too much longer.” His voice is like a pat on the head. “Did you enjoy those?” He looks at the empty noodle box.

“They were really nice. Everyone has been so amazing,” I say, keeping with the timid-victim act.

He opens the manila folder. It’s Rebecca Winter’s file. Interview time. My eyes scan the first page.

“Can you tell me your name?”

“Rebecca.” I keep my eyes down.

“And where have you been all this time, Rebecca?” he says, leaning in to hear me.

“I don’t know,” I whisper. “I was so scared.”

“Was there anyone else there? Anyone else held with you?”

“No. Only me.”

He leans in closer, until his face is only inches from mine.

“You saved me,” I say, looking him right in the eyes. “Thank you.”

I can see his chest swell. Canberra is only three hours from here. I just need to push a little harder. Now that he’s feeling like the big man, he won’t be able to say no. It’s my only chance to get out of here.

“Please, will you let me go home?”

“We really need to interview you and take you to the hospital to be examined. It’s important.”

“Can we do that in Canberra?”

I let the tears start falling then. Men hate seeing girls cry. It makes them uncomfortable for some reason.

“You’ll be transported back to Canberra soon, but there is a procedure we need to follow first, okay?”

“But you’re the boss here, aren’t you? If you say I can go they have to do what you say. I just want to see my mom.”

“Okay,” he says, jumping out of his seat. “Don’t cry. Let me see what I can do.”

He comes back to say he’s worked it all out for me. I will be driven to Canberra by the cops who picked me up, and then the missing persons detective who worked on Rebecca Winter’s case will take it from there. I nod and smile at him, looking up at him like he’s my new hero.

I’ll never reach Canberra. An airport would be easier, but I’m sure I can still get away from them somehow. Now that they see me as a victim, it won’t be too hard.

As we walk out of the interview room, everyone turns to look at me. One woman has a receiver pressed to her ear.

“She’s here now. Just let me ask.” She puts the receiver against her chest and looks up at the detective. “It’s Mrs. Winter—we finally got a hold of her. She wants to talk to Rebecca. Is that okay?”

“Of course,” the detective says, smiling at me.

The woman holds out the receiver. I look around. Everyone has their heads bent but I can tell they are listening. I take the phone and hold it to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Becky, is that you?”

I open my mouth, needing to say something, but I don’t know what. She keeps going.

“Oh, honey, thank God. I can’t believe it. Are you okay? They keep saying you aren’t hurt, but I can’t believe it. I love you so much. Are you all right?”

“I’m okay.”

“Stay where you are. Your father and I are coming to get you.”

Damn.

“We’re just about to leave,” I say, in almost a whisper. I don’t want her noticing my voice is all wrong.

“No, please, don’t go anywhere. Stay where you’re safe.”

“It’ll be quicker this way. It’s all sorted out.”

I can hear her swallowing, heavy and thick.

“We can be there really soon.” Her voice sounds strangled.

“I’ve got to go,” I say. Then, looking around at all those pricked-up ears, I add, “’Bye, Mom.”

I hear her sobbing as I hand the phone back.

The last glow of sunlight has disappeared and the sky is a pale grey. We’ve been driving for about an hour and the conversation has dried up. I can tell the cops are itching to ask me where I’ve been all this time, but they restrain themselves.

This is lucky really, because they would most likely have a better idea than I do where Rebecca Winter has spent the past decade.

Paul Kelly croons softly on the radio. Raindrops patter on the roof of the car and slide down the windows. I could fall asleep.

“Do you need me to turn the heater up?” Thompson asks, eyeing my coat.

“I’m okay,” I say.

The truth is I couldn’t take my coat off, no matter that I was starting to feel a bit hot. I have a birthmark just below the crook of my elbow. A coffee-coloured stain about the size of a twenty-cent piece. I’d hated it as a kid. My mother always told me it was the mark left by an angel’s kiss. It was one of the few memories I have of her. As I grew up I sort of started to like it, maybe because it made me think of her, or maybe just because it was so much a part of me. But it wasn’t a part of Bec. I doubted that either of these idiots had looked closely enough at the missing persons file to see the word nil under birthmarks , but it wasn’t worth the risk.

I try to force myself to plan my escape. Instead all I can think about was Rebecca’s mom. The way she had said “I love you” to me. It wasn’t like when my dad used to say it, when someone was watching or when he was trying to get me to be good. The way she had said it was so raw, so guttural, like it was coming from her core. This woman that we are zooming toward really does love me. Or she loves who she thinks I am. I wonder what she is doing right now. Calling her friends to tell them, washing sheets for me, dashing to the supermarket for extra food, worrying that she wouldn’t sleep because she was so excited? I imagine what will happen when they call her to tell her that they lost me on the way. These two cops would probably get into a lot of trouble. I wouldn’t mind that, but what about her? What about the cleanly made-up bed waiting for me? The food in the fridge. All that love. It will just go to waste.