Mabel Maney - The Case Of The Good-For-Nothing Girlfriend

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“The Funniest Damn titles in gay Fiction” – InstinctIf you travel with the Nurses' Guide to Snakes or can get a raisin pie stain out of a pink poplin frock, you’ll fit right in with Nancy Clue and her gay chums on a road trip from sleepy Pleasantville, Idaho, to sparkling River Depths, Illinois, where Hannah, Nancy’s beloved housekeeper, stands wrongfully accused of murder! Nurse Cherry Aimless, who fell head-over-penny-loafers for the world-famous girl detective in The Case of the Not-So-Nice Nurse, must help her new sweetheart clear Hannah’s name—and her own—and restore her sterling reputation. But does Nancy deserve her devotion? Troubling discoveries force Cherry to do some sleuthing of her own. Is Nancy really the sweet, upstanding girl she seems to be? Like her beloved camp classics The Case of the Not-So-Nice Nurse and A Ghost in the Closet, Mabel Maney’s The Case of the Good-For-Nothing Girlfriend brilliantly parodies 1950s boys’ and girls’ adventure series.From the author of The Case of the Not-So-Nice Nurse and A Ghost in the Closet.Praise for Mabel Maney“For those adults who are just big and twisted kids underneath” San Francisco Weekly“Tongue-in-cheek homoerotic hilarity that’s fun, nostalgic, and completely contemporary” Los Angeles Reader“Maney flawlessly lampoons the torpid style of both children’s books and lesbian mysteries where similarly nothing happens without at least three changes of clothing and a good, hot meal” SF Weekly“America’s two greatest girl detectives as lovers? Could anything in the history of pop culture be more irreverent?” Newsday“Maney has penned a mystery with tongue-in-cheek homoerotic hilarity that’s simultaneously fun, nostalgic and completely contemporary” Los Angeles Reader

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“Little good that evidence does me here, though,” Nancy groaned. “I may as well be a million miles away,” she thought glumly as she slid off the hood of the car, not even caring that her travel outfit was now wrinkled beyond repair. “At the rate we’re going, Hannah will have been tried and convicted already by the time we get there. Or worse! I’ll never forgive myself if Hannah dies a murderess!” Nancy wailed. “Never!”

She fumbled through her summer straw handbag for one of the starched, white monogrammed handkerchiefs she always kept on hand. She discovered, with dismay, that she had run out of clean hankies!

“Could things get any worse?” Nancy wailed as she threw up her hands in despair. She jumped up and ran screaming from the car.

She didn’t know where she was headed, and, frankly, she didn’t care!

CHAPTER 2

To the Rescue!

Cherry rushed after her distraught chum a fresh hankie in one hand and her - фото 8

Cherry rushed after her distraught chum, a fresh hankie in one hand and her stainless steel travel thermos in the other. Cherry had thoughtfully purchased the sturdy, practical thermos earlier that day.

“A cool cup of water is just the ticket when dealing with emotional flare-ups,” she thought cheerfully.

Cherry knew that water, along with the right amount of rest and plenty of tasty, nutritious food, was an essential component to good health. So, unfortunately, was peace of mind—something Nancy hadn’t had in a very long time.

“It’s not good to overexcite yourself in this warm weather,” Cherry murmured in a soothing voice, trying to calm her near-frantic friend.

If truth be known, Nancy and Cherry were more than just friends. Despite the warmth of the humid, July day, Cherry shivered when she recalled the evening she had first set eyes on the lovely, titian-haired girl. Little had she realized that night she would find love beyond her wildest dreams!

Just one week before meeting Nancy in San Francisco, Cherry Aimless, R.N., an attractive, dark-haired girl with a bubbly nature and a burning desire to help others, had been a happily overworked ward nurse at a big-city hospital in Seattle. A vacation to the city by the bay had changed her life forever—for not only had she been caught up in an exciting mystery, she had also fallen deeply and truly in love, and with her longtime idol, Nancy Clue!

Until that trip, Cherry had been content with reading about the young detective in newspapers and magazines. It was well known throughout the nurses’ dormitory at Seattle General Hospital that Cherry spent much of her free time filling scrapbooks with carefully clipped articles and photographs of her favorite detective. Cherry took the teasing about her enthusiasm for the girl sleuth with good grace. She knew hobbies were a relaxing way to spend one’s leisure time, and no one needed to relax more than a hard-working nurse!

And no nurse worked harder than Cherry, whose cheerful presence and attention to duty made her a favorite among patients and colleagues alike. Cherry loved nursing, especially in her trim white uniform, dashing royal blue cape, and perky cap with its dark blue stripe that proclaimed she was a proud graduate of Stencer Nursing School, class of 1957!

So what if Cherry spent a tidy sum of her weekly salary on special leather-bound scrapbooks for her ever growing archive of Nancy Clue stories?

“At least it keeps me off the streets,” she joked to her nurse neighbors before shutting the door to her room for an evening of clipping and pasting. No one was a more eager hobbyist than Nurse Cherry Aimless!

The kidding had stopped the day the attractive nurse solved The Case of the Vanishing Valium and exposed the dastardly deeds of young Dr. Kildare, who was pilfering dangerous drugs from the hospital supply room. After that, the nurses were frank to admit that Cherry, with her dancing green eyes, shiny black curls, and curvy figure, was proof that beauty and brains could walk hand in hand.

But never in her wildest fantasies could Cherry have imagined that one day she’d actually come face to face with Nancy Clue!

Although Cherry sorely missed the hustle and bustle of the overcrowded, understaffed hospital, where the patients seemed to really need her, she knew her place was by Nancy’s side. For although she had taken a vow to be a big-city nurse—a soldier, really, in the fight against ignorance, filth, and disease—Cherry knew that there was one person who needed her most right now. And although she was dressed as a civilian, she was as much a nurse in her pretty pink taffeta party frock and dressy gold sandals as she was in her trim, starched white uniform, perky cap, and cunning cape.

It was Cherry Aimless, Registered Nurse, who put her own wants and needs aside in order to keep a cool head during Nancy’s outburst. Cherry knew that Nancy’s temper tantrum could send her blood pressure soaring! Why, Cherry might be called upon to perform a medical procedure right there by the side of the dusty road, where their automobile had rolled to a stop. She was somewhat reassured, knowing that her first-aid kit was securely stowed in the back seat of the car.

“If you just relax, we can put our heads together and find a way out of this spot,” Cherry said in a soothing tone. “A cool head always prevails.” She handed Nancy a clean handkerchief. Cherry always kept plenty on hand for times just like these.

“But I want to go now !” Nancy cried, crumpling Cherry’s white cotton hankie and throwing it to the ground.

Cherry picked up the now germ-laden handkerchief and put it in her pocket. She took a fresh one from her white patent-leather purse and held it ready in her hand. In a calm voice that she hoped would stop her excitable friend from working herself into an even more heightened nervous state, Cherry explained that car trouble was not unusual during a long auto trip. “Especially if one is trying very hard to get someplace in a hurry. Accidents are bound to happen,” she said in a firm yet soothing tone. “And you have to admit this wasn’t the most carefully planned trip,” she added.

“ ‘Many a trip is spoiled by poor planning,’ ” Cherry quoted her mother, Mrs. Doris Aimless of Pleasantville, Idaho, a sensible woman with lots of helpful advice. She felt a flash of guilt when she thought of her mother, who was no doubt worried sick about the whereabouts of her only daughter. Cherry had raced out the door earlier that day, and right in the middle of the mid-day meal!

Cherry vowed that she would call home as soon as she could, and assure her mother she was safe and planning on eating well-balanced meals. But until she could find a public telephone, she had another, more urgent, matter to contend with. Nancy was becoming dangerously overwrought, and it was Cherry’s job to see she didn’t make herself sick with worry.

“You told me yourself you’ve been involved in a lot of scrapes,” she said, adding, “and, eventually, you’ve found a way out of each of them.”

“But I’ve never been in such a precarious predicament before,” Nancy wailed. “I should have flown home,” she added anxiously. “What was I thinking when I suggested we drive cross-country in a little over a day’s time? At the rate we’re going, we’ll never make it to Illinois in time to stop that trial!

“If I had flown, I’d be home by now, and Hannah would be free,” she said, a gleam of steely determination in her blue eyes. She checked her slender, diamond-faced watch. “Let’s see—it’s almost six o’clock now. I could hop a bus back to Boise and catch a late flight to Chicago. I could be home first thing in the morning,” Nancy schemed.

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