M.J. Hollows - Goodbye for Now

He set the newspaper down and took a sip of water from a glass on his desk. His throat had gone dry.

‘Are you all right, lad? You look pale as a ghost.’

Concern and confusion was etched across Frank’s face, and he could clearly sense Joe’s discomfort. He took the newspaper back when Joe didn’t reply.

‘I just keep thinking of our George going out there.’

‘I didn’t think he’d shipped out yet?’

‘No, he’s not gone yet, but soon they say. With heavy losses like this, they will be sending them all over as soon as possible. See how many they’ve lost, and the war has only just started.’

‘Well, wait, look here,’ Frank said, prodding the newspaper and waving it in his face. ‘It also says that the Germans suffered many more casualties, expected to be in the thousands.’

‘Oh, and that means it’s going to be all right, does it?’ Joe felt ashamed at his outburst, but Frank was unconcerned.

‘It’s war, lad. There’re bound to be casualties. But if we’re inflicting more than them, then we will win. It’s a simple matter of numbers. We’ve suffered defeats before and still won the war, and still looked good in uniform.’ He smiled emphatically, but it had no effect on Joe.

‘It also says here,’ Joe said, grabbing the newspaper, ‘that we’re on the retreat.’ He paused for a second, waiting for it to settle in. He had never thought of the British Army as ‘we’ before. The idea of nationalism was disconcerting. Perhaps the national pride was working its way into his psyche too. ‘The British Army are almost as far back as Paris. That’s something like… like a hundred and thirty miles from where they started. They’re no longer helping Belgium, not anymore. The Germans far, far outnumber the British Army, even if they keep inflicting casualties, it’s unsustainable.’

‘Then they’re gonna need our help, lad. You know it makes sense.’

Joe sighed.

‘Come on, lad. I keep saying you’d look good in a uniform. There may be lots of them Germans, but they’ll take one look at you and run away with their tails between their legs.’

He made a sound like a dog whimpering and ran around the desk. Some of the other men looked up, wondering what was going on, and Joe laughed.

‘Carry on like that, and you’ll get yourself shot,’ he said as Frank sat down again, lazily draping his arm over the back of the chair. ‘They’ll shoot you just to shut you up.’

‘Steady on, lad,’ Frank said, all mock innocence. ‘I have the very vocal cords of a tenor, me.’ He burst into song, singing a couple of lines then stopping. ‘Even the Germans will be rushing over to hear me. Hah.’

‘I’d like to see that.’

He was being honest. It would be quite a sight, and perhaps show some semblance of peace. ‘But, no, not for me. It’s bad enough that our George is heading out there. I’ll not be joining the army, no matter what they say.’

‘Oh well, I didn’t think I’d ever convince you, lad. You knows what you wants. Far more than I ever did.’ He patted Joe on the arm, but this time it was as a sign of friendship, not in a playful manner. ‘This is something I want. I reckon this is my last day, lad.’

‘I was wondering how long you would last,’ Joe said, not knowing what else to say.

‘Then I’m off in the morning to take the shilling and sign an oath.’

He put his hand on Joe’s arm again and turned his body gently so that he was looking into Frank’s eyes. He was serious for a change.

‘Will you do something for me, Joe?’ he said.

‘What?’

‘While I’m gone… will you… will you look after all the girls for me?’

Frank burst out laughing again and pushed back on his chair, whilst wiping a tear from his eye with the back of his hand. ‘You’re a softie you, lad. Had you going for a minute.’

Joe tried not to get angry at Frank’s ridiculing, he knew he was only joking. ‘Oh, are you still here, Frank?’

‘Hah! At least you have a sense of humour though. I’d be worried I might upset you otherwise.’

Joe didn’t think that Frank would ever be worried about upsetting anyone, he was too free and easy. He acted like he didn’t have a care in the world. Everything was a joke to him.

‘You know you’ll have to do all the boring work while I’m gone, don’t you, Joe? Can’t say that I’m sorry. I’d rather get away before it all piles up on my desk.’

‘Yes, well your spelling is atrocious anyway.’

‘Hah!’

Joe would miss Frank’s laughter around the office, that was for sure, and he wasn’t looking forward to the amount of work he would have to do. But that didn’t matter. He felt like he was losing a friend, and who knew if Frank would come back? The office would be a lot quieter, and a lot duller without him. He would only have Mr Harlow’s soft wheezing to keep him company on the long nights of overseeing casualty lists and reports from the front.

‘Listen, Frank. It’s my turn to be soppy now.’

‘Oh, ’ere we go. I thought you were already being soppy. Is that not a normal state of affairs for you? You actually mean you’re going to get worse? I’m not sure if I can take it. It’s completely against my martial pride.’

‘Shut up, Frank, and listen for once.’

Frank leant an arm on his desk and lay the side of his head at an angle on his upturned palm, to show that he was listening, then smiled at Joe. ‘Go on,’ he said.

Joe tutted, wound up by Frank’s levity.

‘Just when you’re out there. If you see my brother, you look after him. All right?’

‘Ah, I was only joking. Of course I will. I’ll take George under my arm and show him how a man in uniform behaves. Show him how to charm the ladies, since I seem to have failed with you. Hah!’

‘If you ever find him somewhere he shouldn’t be—’ Joe ignored Frank ‘—you do me a favour and make sure you get him out of there. Get him to safety. All right? Do that for me?’

‘All right, all right. You’re so serious sometimes, I worry about you. You’re going to end up very lonely sometime if you keep it up, you know? I won’t always be there to cheer you up.’

Joe grumbled. He didn’t need Frank to tell him that. Besides, it wasn’t the point, he was asking about his brother.

‘I can’t promise anything, Joe,’ Frank said. ‘Who knows what’s going to happen out there? I may never see him. He could be in a completely different regiment to me. But, I promise you I’ll try to find him, and if I ever see him in danger then I will do what I can.’

‘Good, that’s all I ask.’

‘You know, if you’re so worried about him, you could enlist yourself and keep an eye on him? It would be the best way, you could do more than I could.’

‘I don’t think he would appreciate his older brother mothering him in the army. Besides, you know I’m not going to enlist, no matter how much you try and convince me.’

‘Oh, go on. It’ll be fun. You won’t have a foil for your seriousness if you stay here on your own.’

‘No, Frank.’

‘Not even if I forced you?’ He balled up Joe’s sleeve in his fist, but it was gentle, and threatened to pull him off his chair. All the time he was smiling, the gesture lighting up his blue eyes. Joe tried not to resist, knowing that it would upset his friend.

‘No, not even if I’m forced, Frank. You can’t drag me round with you everywhere to keep you out of trouble.’

‘Hah.’

A wheezing sound passed down the rows of desks, accompanied by the clop of heavy footsteps. Joe looked up just in time to see a puff of smoke and then Mr Harlow’s round face peered out of the cloud.

‘What on earth are you two up to now?’ he said, shaking his head, glancing at where Frank still held Joe’s sleeve. Frank let go quickly.