Tom Mitchell - How to Rob a Bank

First published in Great Britain by HarperCollins Children’s Books in 2019

Published in this ebook edition in 2019

HarperCollins Children’s Books is a division of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd,

HarperCollins Publishers

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF

The HarperCollins Children’s Books website address is

www.harpercollins.co.uk

Text copyright © Tom Mitchell 2019

Cover design copyright © HarperCollins Publishers Ltd 2019

Cover illustration copyright © Euan Cook

Tom Mitchell asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of the work.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this ebook onscreen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

Source ISBN: 9780008276508

Ebook Edition © March 2019 ISBN: 9780008276515

Version: 2019-05-24

To Jacob, Dylan and Nicky

Contents

Cover

Title Page

Copyright First published in Great Britain by HarperCollins Children’s Books in 2019 Published in this ebook edition in 2019 HarperCollins Children’s Books is a division of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd, HarperCollins Publishers 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF The HarperCollins Children’s Books website address is www.harpercollins.co.uk Text copyright © Tom Mitchell 2019 Cover design copyright © HarperCollins Publishers Ltd 2019 Cover illustration copyright © Euan Cook Tom Mitchell asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of the work. A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this ebook onscreen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins. Source ISBN: 9780008276508 Ebook Edition © March 2019 ISBN: 9780008276515 Version: 2019-05-24

Dedication To Jacob, Dylan and Nicky

Part 1

Chapter 1: Identify Your Justification: Why Bother?

Chapter 2: Exercise Caution Around Naked Flames

Chapter 3: Remember: There’s No ‘I’ in ‘Team’ But There is in ‘Win’

Chapter 4: Does Robbing a Bank Suit Your Needs?

Chapter 5: There’s Such a Thing as Being Over-prepared

Chapter 6: Ensure Your Target Ticks All the Boxes

Chapter 7: Anything That Can Go Wrong, Will Go Wrong

Chapter 8: Be Prepared to Use Your Imagination

Chapter 9: ‘Ever Tried. Ever Failed. No Matter. Try Again. Fail Again. Fail Better.’ Samuel Beckett

Chapter 10: Use Technology to Your Advantage

Chapter 11: Do Your Best to Avoid Violence

Chapter 12: Get Your Hands Dirty

Chapter 13: Robbing a Bank is Like Riding a Horse

Chapter 14: Trust Nobody

Part 2

Chapter 15: Remain Focused, No Matter What

Chapter 16: Do Your Homework (Scout the Location)

Chapter 17: Short-term Pain for Long-term Gain

Chapter 18: Nothing is Free, Not Even Stolen Money

Chapter 19: A Good Thief is a Good Actor

Chapter 20: Take Care of the Present and the Future Will Look After Itself

Chapter 21: Remember: Everybody Makes Mistakes

Chapter 22: Breaking the Law Isn’t Fun

Chapter 23: Avoid Mixing Business with Pleasure

Chapter 24: Don’t Cry Over Spilt Milk

Chapter 25: Nobody Said Robbing a Bank was Easy

Chapter 26: It’s Better to Fail Before, Rather Than During, a Crime

Chapter 27: You Don’t Want to End Up Locked Away

Chapter 28: Never Be Too Proud to Ask for Help

Chapter 29: Expect to Fail and You Won’t Be Disappointed

Chapter 30: The Darkest Point of the Night Comes Before Sunrise (or something like that)

Chapter 31: Take Advantage of Unexpected Opportunities

Chapter 32: Flexibility Can Be as Important as Detailed Planning

Chapter 33: A Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with a Single Step

Chapter 34: Don’t Let Your Ego Blind You to Your Plan’s Faults

Chapter 35: The Running Track of Life is Littered with Potholes

Part 3

Chapter 36: Operation RHC (Retrieve History Coursework)

Chapter 37: Fail to Prepare, Prepare to Fail

Chapter 38: Don’t Forget the Importance of Good Timing

Chapter 39: Never Underestimate your own Potential for Stupidity

Chapter 40: Don’t Try to Rob a Bank on Your Own

Chapter 41: Robbing a Bank is a Matter of Holding Your Nerve

Chapter 42: Take Inspiration from Everywhere and Everything

Chapter 43: There’s Nothing More Important Than Your Getaway Plan

Chapter 44: Don’t Forget to Eat

Chapter 45: The End

About the Author

About the Publisher

Ask yourself – do I need the money? Robbing a bank isn’t something to do to pass the time, like kicking footballs over the neighbour’s fence or reading. Some people rob banks because they’re greedy. Those people are usually caught after buying muscle cars or diamond-encrusted baseball caps. Others enjoy the adrenalin rush of thrusting sawn-off shotguns into the faces of middle-aged women. Those are typically twenty-somethings with troubled childhoods.

Me? I robbed a bank because of guilt. Specifically: guilt and a Nepalese scented candle.

Let me explain.

It was an endless summer and I was fifteen and fed up with playing Call of Duty and FIFA . There are only so many times you can get sniped in the chin or spanked five–nil before you start questioning the meaning of it all. Mum and Dad’s moaning meant I’d applied for part-time jobs. But even McDonald’s had turned me down. Dad said this was evidence of Broken Britain. Mum said I shouldn’t stop trying.

It was a Saturday afternoon, one of those boring summer Saturdays without Premier League football and with lasagne planned for dinner. Dad was on the sofa, Mum was on the wine, and Rita was on the phone. And all my friends, apart from Beth, were on exotic holidays with never-ending beaches and azure oceans.

‘What do you know about Watergate and Richard Nixon?’ asked Dad. His question, like most of his questions, was a run-up to convincing me to watch a film. This time, it was All the President’s Men , which he’d first shown me when I was in primary school and I’d thought boring and confusing.