Kerry Barrett - The Hidden Women

‘What’s incredible,’ Miranda said, shaking her head, ‘is that I’ve never even heard of these women.’

‘I’ve not heard much about them either,’ I admitted. ‘And it’s literally my job.’

‘If it was our Lil, I can’t believe she’s never talked about it,’ said Miranda. ‘It strikes me as something you’d want to talk about. It sounds wonderful.’

‘She’s always been vague when I’ve asked her about the war. Never really told me what she did.’

‘She’d have only been about to turn sixteen when the war started,’ Miranda said. I was impressed; I’d been sneakily counting on my fingers trying to add it up. ‘And only twenty-one at the end.’

‘Old enough to be doing something,’ I pointed out. ‘I had an idea she did office work.’

Miranda screwed up her nose. ‘I can’t believe we’ve never been interested enough to ask her for the details,’ she said. ‘That’s terrible of us. You’re a historian, Nell. You should be ashamed of yourself.’

I stuck my tongue out at her. ‘I’ve asked her lots of times,’ I said. ‘She’s always told me how boring it was and how she couldn’t wait for the war to finish so she could travel.’

‘Sounds like she was trying to make it sound dull enough so you wouldn’t keep asking,’ Miranda said.

I blinked at her. ‘Oh God, it actually does sound like that,’ I said. ‘Do you think she saw some awful stuff? Or did some really brave things?’

‘Lil?’ Miranda said with a glint in her eye. ‘Brave? I’d say so, wouldn’t you?’

I thought about our great-aunt, who’d been the only person to step in when things were really tough for us back in the Nineties. Lil, who hated being in one place for long, but who’d stayed in London until she knew Miranda and I were okay and that our family wasn’t about to fall apart. Lil, who regularly phoned Dad throughout our childhood and reminded him about parents’ evenings, and exams, and even birthdays. I smiled.

‘Definitely,’ I said.

I perched on the table next to where Miranda was sitting on the bench, and put my feet up next to her. She frowned at me and I ignored her.

‘The ATA girls flew every kind of aircraft,’ I said. ‘Massive bombers, and tiny fighter planes, and everything in between.’

‘Do you think they got a hard time from people who didn’t think they were capable?’ Miranda asked, well aware of what it was like to be a woman in a man’s world. ‘I have lost count of the times someone’s asked me to take minutes in a meeting, or fetch coffee.’

‘Because you’re the only woman?’ I said, shocked but not entirely surprised. ‘What do you say when that happens? Do you go?’

‘It doesn’t happen now because I’m in charge.’ Miranda allowed herself a small, self-satisfied smile. ‘But when I was starting out, I used to just do it – go and get the drinks, or hand round the biscuits.’

I winced. ‘And when you weren’t just starting out?’

‘Once,’ said Miranda coolly, ‘I asked if I was expected to take the minutes with my vagina.’

‘No, you didn’t.’

‘I did,’ she said, laughing. ‘That was one chief exec who never asked me to do that again.’

I was amazed by her bolshiness and said so. ‘You definitely share that with Lil,’ I pointed out. ‘I expect she had to be bolshie if she was flying planes all over the place, just like you had to be a bit gobby to make it in your job.’

‘She’s definitely bolshie, our Lil. But I suppose we don’t even know for sure the Lilian Miles on this list of yours is her,’ Miranda said. ‘It actually could be a coincidence, like you said.’

We both stayed quiet for a second, then Miranda spoke again.

‘We should ask her,’ she said.

‘Ask her?’

Miranda nodded. ‘Ask her.’

It was late when I finally landed back at base. The sunny skies that had made flying such a joy were now chilly and as I slid out of the back of the Anson, I scanned the horizon. It was a clear night, which meant a good view for German bombers, and I wondered if there would be a raid later.

Once I’d signed the plane in and reported to the officer on duty, I picked up my bag and headed off towards the entrance of the airfield. I was tired and I wanted to get back to the digs that I shared with Annie and Flora. We needed to go over all the details of April’s case, and I wanted to check if anything else had come up today.

‘What’s in your bag?’

The voice made me jump. I squinted into the lengthening shadows round the side of the mess hut.

‘Who’s there?’

‘It’s me.’ The shadows changed into the shape of a man and out from the side of the building came Will Bates – one of the RAF mechanics who worked on the base. He was funny and charming and I knew Rose was quite sweet on him.

‘Hello, Will,’ I said, gripping my bag slightly tighter. There was nothing incriminating in it; I’d given everything to April, but his level stare was making me nervous.

‘You’re always carrying a load of stuff,’ he said. ‘I just wondered what you were lugging around the whole time.’

We all carried overnight bags whenever we went on a trip because sometimes we couldn’t get back to HQ. But the way he said it made me feel uncomfortable. I raised my chin.

‘Been watching me, have you?’

To my surprise, Will looked a bit sheepish. ‘I have as it happens,’ he said.

I narrowed my eyes and stared at him. ‘Why?’

He coughed in a sort of nervous way and I relaxed my grip on the straps of my bag, just a bit.

‘Because you’re pretty,’ he muttered. ‘And you look fun. I thought you might like to go dancing one evening, when we’ve both got the same day off.’

I closed my eyes briefly, feeling relief flood my senses.

Will smiled at me. He was a good-looking chap, with dark red hair and deep brown eyes. When he smiled, I got a glimpse of the little boy he’d once been – probably thanks to the sprinkling of freckles across his nose. I couldn’t help but smile back.

‘Dancing?’ I said.

‘Dancing.’

I leaned against the rough wall of the mess hut and took a breath.

‘Will,’ I began. Oh, how to even start explaining the mess my head was in, and the difficult feelings I had about men and women and the relationships between them.

‘I’d like that,’ I said. ‘But maybe we could go as part of a group?’

Will studied me closely. ‘A group,’ he said.

‘At first, at least.’

He grinned again. ‘You’re on,’ he said. ‘See you later.’

He pulled a packet of cigarettes out of his pocket and lit one, the flare from the match shining on the curl of his lip and the twinkle in his eye.

‘Bye, Lil,’ he said, sauntering away across the airfield.

I watched him go. ‘Bye,’ I said.

But as I turned towards the barracks, he stopped.

‘Oh, Lil,’ he said, with that boyish grin again. ‘I know you’re up to something.’

Unease gripped me, but I pretended I hadn’t heard. I shifted my bag up my shoulder and carried on walking away from him. I didn’t look back.

* * *

‘He said what?’ Annie said, when I told her about the conversation.

‘That I was up to something,’ I said. I was lying on my bed in my nightgown, even though it was still early. Missions like tonight’s always exhausted me, and Will’s appearance hadn’t helped.

‘You are up to something,’ Flora pointed out. She was on my bed too, sitting by my feet. She had a sheaf of paper on her lap.

‘That’s why I’m so nervous,’ I said. ‘Between Rose sniffing around and Will Bates lurking in the shadows, I’m worried people are starting to suspect.’