D. E. White - Remember Me

As Pete shrugged and shambled off in search of food, Ava’s phone pinged again. She dragged it out, stared at the screen, and instinctively found her hand on her gun holster.

No name in the sender box, and just two words:

Cofiwch fi?

Remember me?

* * *

Coming back from the farm last night, she’d taken a long time to get to sleep. In the end, she’d downed a couple of glasses of duty-free whisky. There was no ice at the B&B unless you counted the frozen trough outside the front door, so she drank it straight, with a dash of water from the tap. The comforting smoothness of the alcohol had knocked her out for a good eight hours. So now what? She had three weeks’ leave to hang around Aberdyth, to get to know her son, and she supposed, to say goodbye to her ex-husband. To talk to Ellen’s parents… and what could she really do but offer comfort again? She could never tell the truth about Ellen’s death, but now she was an adult, it would be good to offer something more. Perhaps elaborate on Ellen’s reasons for going, and make it sound like she was definitely heading off on a big adventure. That would give them hope that their daughter was somewhere, living her best life. But it would also be cruel to give them false hope. How did you make something right, when it was all wrong?

From this height she could see all the way to Big Water. Her gaze sharpened as she spotted figures scurrying like ants at the water’s edge. The early sunlight caught flashes of metal or mirrors, and a few more trucks were pulling up next to a copse. Of course, that must be Leo’s film crew. He’d mentioned they were filming for Tough Love up there.

After a few more calf stretches, she jogged slowly back down to the Birtleys’, dodging a couple of flocks of sheep, seeing nobody else but a pair of hikers in the distance. She already missed the beach and her surfboard, the sweaty little gym where she did kickboxing a couple of times a week, and even her job. It was hell having to leave an open case, but her boss had been very understanding, and promised to keep her updated. Exercise always helped in times of stress. So here, with no gym, no sparring partners, and no icy waves, she would need to run off her emotions.

She had just jumped in the shower back at the B&B when her phone rang. Swearing, she leant out, across to the pink bath top and grabbed her mobile.

‘Hallo, Ava. I hope you slept well. It’s Penny… I just wondered if you’d like to come down to the pub later for some dinner?’ Her voice was eager and girlish, but that hint of sharpness still played at the edges of her lilt.

Shit. It was not what she wanted to do but – ‘Yes, Penny, that would be great. I… is Stephen around today?’

‘Okay. If you get there for about five, we can have a few glasses of wine, and a good chat before the boys arrive. Stephen and Bethan are staying at Kai’s house tonight, but they have promised to join us for a meal.’

‘Kai?’ queried Ava, trying unsuccessfully to reach the pink fluffy towel on the wash basin, whilst continuing her conversation.

‘Oh, I forgot you probably wouldn’t remember. He’s Jesse’s son. Of course, Jesse went off to stay with relations in Yorkshire after we left school, didn’t he, and stayed up there when his girlfriend got pregnant, so you probably never met Kelly. They came back here eventually though – after you’d left. Did you hear Jesse was killed in a motorbike accident a few years ago? So it’s just Kelly and the boy now. Kai is a nice lad, and he works bloody hard. I think he wants to go to university, or take a year out travelling in Asia. Sounds great, I wish I’d gone travelling at his age, and got out of Aberdyth.’

‘Oh, I’m sorry about Jesse… I didn’t know,’ Ava wondered if Penny was aware of the coolness of her words. Just another baby, just another friend gone. There were other ways out of Aberdyth. And Jesse was dead. Why had her aunt not told her? Why had Paul never mentioned it? ‘When exactly did Jesse die, Pen?’

‘I told you, about two years ago. It was in June, I think,’ Penny chattered on, and Ava could hear sounds of washing up in the background. ‘We did think of telling you, but Paul said you wouldn’t want to be bothered with things from your old life, you know? Your aunt had moved away by then, and we hadn’t heard from you in ages. Jesse, well, he always did ride crazy fast, didn’t he? They said he lost control on the bend. You know that sharp corner before the speed limit sign – right before you come to the Aberdyth bridge?’

‘Yes… yes, I remember it. Poor Jesse.’

‘Yes, it was terrible for his parents. I’ve got some really exciting news about Stephen and Bethan though! We’ve known for a while now, but we wanted you to get settled in a bit before we told you.’

‘Tell me she isn’t pregnant,’ Ava said warily.

There was a pause before Penny giggled. ‘Of course not you dafty, something far better.’

‘Are you going to tell me, then?’

‘No, this is one I’m saving for when we’re all together. See you later.’

‘Okay, Pen, I’ll see you later,’ Ava said. Penny had always loved to be ahead on the gossip, and surely this must be something good, or she would have sounded worried. Maybe a surprise party or something, or one of the kids getting a new job. With a jolt she realised that very soon her son would be moving on, and she had no idea where he would be going. All her stalking on social media told her simply that he had a talent for photography, and a lot of friends. He would have dreams that she hadn’t shared in, hopes and worries that she wasn’t part of.

‘You still there, Ava? See you in the pub, lovely.’

Ending her call, she finished her shower, ignored a load of messages from her friends in LA, and sat on her bed, wrapped in a towel. Fair-haired Jesse, with his rosy cheeks and snub nose, had been part of Leo’s band of friends. Like Rhodri, he’d been a bit of an outsider. Also like Rhodri, he’d been part of the gang who were in East Wood the night her best friend died.

Forcing herself to breathe deeply, Ava knew what she had to do next. Ellen’s house. It was still hers, even though she lay in the cold woodland down the hill.

The mirror on her wall caught her as she turned to chuck the phone back onto the table. The pink towel slid downwards, exposing the intricate ink work across her lower back. Although the flowers and sun (so innocent and pretty), stretched down to the curves at the top of her butt, she knew that underneath were two words. Leo had done it himself, and when she screamed with pain, he’d given her more pills. She remembered frantically shaking, scrabbling with sweaty fingers for the drugs he held out. The words on her back weren’t inked either – they were twisted white scars etched into her skin with a sharp knife. At the time she had wanted the pain, wanted to be indelibly marked, scarred in a way she would never forget. It felt like the least she could do for Ellen. Leo had offered to do the job, and the others had watched.

It was a miracle she had managed to get out of Aberdyth at all. Horrified by her pregnancy and impending hasty marriage, her parents had moved back to Florida before Stephen was even born. Their bleak hilltop caravan park had finally gone bust, and they offered to take Ava with them. There was no need for her to marry Paul, they said, when she could return to America and have their help in raising the baby. When she refused, to her surprise, they went anyway. It left her with no ties, apart from those she subsequently created for herself. Ava often wondered what life would have been like if she had gone then, but she had been carried away by the idea of marrying Paul, raising her child, trying to prove she was an independent adult. To an outsider, it was laughable, the mistakes she had made. Except it wasn’t funny at all. She had made so many wrong turns, and that, perhaps, was one of the reasons she was so good at dealing with the victims and perpetrators at work. Often the dealers were just kids who’d made bad choices, who were desperate to escape poverty, and who had been promised wealth and freedom. The real evil players were those who traded on those dreams.