Owen O’Kane - Ten Times Happier

An imprint of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF

First published in Great Britain by HQ in 2020

Copyright © Owen O’Kane 2020

Owen O’Kane asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

Source ISBN: 9780008378233

Ebook Edition © 2020 ISBN: 9780008378240

Version: 2020-04-16

This is dedicated to every client who has shared their story with me and allowed me the privilege of journeying with them on the road to a happier life.

CONTENTS

Cover

Title Page TEN TIMES HAPPIER Owen O’Kane

Copyright

Dedication

Introduction

1. Stop Looking Back, You’re Not Going That Way

2. Get Out of Your Head

3. No Regrets

4. The Worry Trap

5. Hell is Other People

6. Kick the Habit

7. Stop Blaming and Take Responsibility

8. Comparison is the Thief of Joy

9. High-Drama Living

10. Living in the Now

Epilogue: It Takes Work But It’s Worth It

Resources

Acknowledgements

About the Author

Also by Owen O’Kane

About the Publisher

Do you ever feel disappointed with your life and have a sense that you could be happier than you currently are? If so, I believe that this is fully achievable on the condition that you are willing to let go of some of the stuff in life that’s holding you back.

This belief, based on my twenty-five years’ experience working in frontline physical and mental health services, motivated me to write Ten Times Happier. Whatever your story, I believe you can be happier than you are now, whether that’s twice as happy or ten times happier!

Working as a therapist I see people suffering every day. It’s possible life may have dealt you some very harsh cards. But have you ever considered that you, unwittingly, might be adding to your suffering more than you realize? I truly believe this is one of the key reasons people struggle in life. You have a powerful role in turning this around.

I want to be honest from the start: if you are expecting a quick-fix, hoping-and-wishing, affirmation-based approach to finding happiness, you won’t find it here. I’m not that type of person or therapist. What I am is passionate about helping people lead happier, more fulfilled lives by teaching them to understand why they struggle, and how they can move forward.

Reading this book in itself will not change your life but acting on the solutions will. I can promise you that.

If I’m offering solutions for a happier life, then I owe it to you to tell you some of my story.

I am a psychotherapist trained in several types of therapy that can help with managing ‘everyday life’ problems, emotions and the mind. I have a dual medical and psychotherapy background with over twenty-five years’ experience of working in healthcare, some of which I spent caring for the terminally ill, and some working as a clinical lead for an NHS mental health service in London.

I am also a writer. My first book Ten to Zen tackled finding calm in life. I wanted this new book to look at happiness because, let’s be honest, who doesn’t want to be happier?

Outside of my professional life, I know what it’s like to struggle. It’s what drew me to my job. I think it’s important to tell you this. I am not a person who lives in a constant bubble of smiling joy and platitudes. That would be painful to inflict on anyone.

I grew up in Belfast, Northern Ireland, during The Troubles, within an ordinary working-class family. It was a very traumatic time for me living in what can be best described as a war zone for most of my formative years.

I was also badly bullied in my youth, with a sense of not fitting in – which I later discovered was the result of my sexuality making me feel different – playing a huge part in my early story. Trust me when I say that being Irish, Catholic and gay back in the Seventies, Eighties and Nineties was not a walk in the park. I guess it was a ‘triple threat’ of sorts. That said, there was also a lot of love around which kept me sane.

I left Ireland in my early twenties for London, where I met my partner Mark, and we now live together with our dog, Kate. Over the years, I have developed my career, travelled the world and worked hard at turning a difficult past into a learning experience. I had to unlearn and let go of many things. I believe in making the best of my life. I also believe happiness is important.

In summary, happiness didn’t come easy for me, so everything I’m talking about in this book, I say as a professional and as a person who has walked the walk!

When I talk about happiness, I don’t want to offer a definition of what happiness will look like for you. I don’t think anyone can do that. You will know what a happier life will look like, whether that’s feeling more content, free, relaxed, unburdened, or authentic. It could be one thing; it may be many.

For me, I am happiest when I am at ease with myself and the people in my life. It’s not always a natural state. Sometimes it can go away, of course, but thankfully I know the way back. This is ultimately what I want to share with you. Getting you back on track to your happiness, whatever that means. But it involves effort, commitment and willingness to start letting go of the things that get in your way. I’ll explain.