Bella Mackie - Jog on Journal

Pepys might not have made the link between his obsessive record keeping and his own mental health but modern research has. Brain scans have shown a change in the amygdala – the part of the brain responsible for processing our emotions – when we put pen to paper about our worries.[3] Studies have even shown us that writing down our negative thoughts and emotions might help our physical health – prompting fewer trips to the GP and leading to less time off work.[4]

Think of it like a Pensieve (if you’ve not read Harry Potter then firstly, wow, and also, a Pensieve is a stone dish you can put your memories in when you feel like your mind is overflowing with them) – somewhere to offload the stuff that’s worrying you and look at it from a place slightly removed.[5] A thought whirring around your mind gets gloopy and collects detritus as it goes round and round, making it hard to rationalise. But by looking at the thought summed up on paper, we’re able to see it more clearly and – hopefully – let go of the anxiety around it.

I received so many questions from readers when Jog On came out, questions about running, about panic attacks, about how to motivate yourself when it feels impossible, about the best running trainers and even about what ice cream I eat after a jog. So many of these queries will be addressed in the coming chapters – because there’s nothing better than a gaggle of avid readers to tell you what’s important and what you’ve missed. It’s been like free market research and I’m so glad of it. Lastly, I am not in the business of motivational quotes or cheery platitudes. I still struggle from time to time – I don’t live amongst glitter and rainbows.

So this might be a touch more cynical than some journals – but if that’s your thing, then welcome to your running and mental health journal.

One last note – since I’ve tried to tie together advice on running and discussion of mental health, I’ve decided that this journal will alternate between the two. Obviously the sections will merge in lots of places, but I think it’s helpful to concentrate solely on mental health in some places – after all, what’s more important? And equally, when we’re talking about running shoes or how to prevent injury, I’d like you to be focusing on that without getting bogged down in symptoms about anxiety. But you can’t understand why running helps boost mood unless we also look at the times when your mental health is suffering. Also, feel free to read just the running parts or just the mental stuff if that’s what you want to do. My mum read only the peace bits of War and Peace . She is excellent.

This journal talks a lot about mental health – which covers a HUGE range of issues. I’m going to mainly talk about anxiety because that’s my wheelhouse (I would smash Mastermind if excessive worry was my specialist subject), but that itself is an umbrella term. And mental-health issues often overlap, so I think that you’ll recognise much of this stuff whether you suffer from OCD, social anxiety or panic attacks. All of us afflicted with anxiety speak the same language. And that’s true of runners too. And anxious runners are even more in sync with each other. When I do talks, there’s usually a book signing at the end, and I usually ask people whether they’re anxious, a runner or an anxious runner. Because those are my people. They’re not coming to see me because they love poetry and fine dining. I assume you’re here because you’re also in one of those three tribes (you can like poetry and food too, of course).

First things first. If you’re struggling with your brain and haven’t sought help – go and speak to your GP. This book – NO book – can do more for you than talking to a professional who can help you with diagnosis, therapy, medication and support. It’s hard. A 2004 study by the World Health Organization (WHO) found that between 30 and 80 per cent of people with a mental-health issue don’t seek treatment – and the reasons why vary.[1] If you’ve not sought any help, circle the explanation(s) that fit this best:

Shame

A feeling that you’re not worth help

A sense that nothing can make you feel better

Not knowing where to go

Not feeling confident that your story will be confidential

A worry that you can’t access or afford treatment

A feeling that you won’t be taken seriously

A bad experience with a GP or other medical professional

You want to handle it alone

If your reason isn’t listed, write it in the space below.

I understand all of these concerns, by the way – I’ve felt nearly all of them myself. But here’s the thing: mental illness will not go away on its own, and the longer it continues, the harder it can be to treat. We know that many mental-health conditions manifest in adolescence, and calcify over time. If you seek help you could:

• Lower your risk of further incidents down the road.

• Reduce career and life disruption.

• Remove the need for longer treatment or hospitalisation.

• Gain the tools to help you cope with future stressful periods.

• Learn how to talk to loved ones about how you’re feeling.

If that all seems a bit clinical, what if I told you that getting help might make you feel BETTER, see glimmers of hope and no longer have to shoulder the burden of worry and panic and sadness?

Write down what you’d most like to achieve with some help – for me it was reducing panic attacks and loosening the grip that intrusive ‘what if’ thoughts had on my brain. Yours might be feeling happier, or reducing obsessions, or being able to go on planes.

Seeking professional help for the first time can feel daunting and as though you’re not in control. So it might be helpful to keep one or two things in mind. If you’re nervous about going to your GP, consider taking a friend to hold your hand and, most importantly, remember that doctors see people who are struggling mentally EVERY DAY. One in four people are said to experience some mental-health problems in their lifetime, and your doctor is on the frontline of initial treatment. The other thing to say is that if you don’t feel satisfied with the help you’re offered then ask for a different doctor or enquire about other services on offer. Look, it happens, some doctors aren’t fully au fait with mental-health problems, just like some employers aren’t and some mothers. But their numbers are shrinking and you have every right to sensitive and humane treatment. So if it’s not working for you, don’t lose heart, just try a different tack.