Matt Le Tissier - Taking le Tiss

First published in 2009 by

HarperSport

an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF www.harpercollins.co.uk

© Matt Le Tissier 2009

Matt Le Tissier asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this ebook on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins ebooks

Source ISBN: 9780007310913

Ebook Edition © AUGUST 2009 ISBN: 9780007341085

Version: 2018-06-18

All photographs provided courtesy of the author or the Southern Daily Echo with the exception of: Guernsey Press 2t, 2br; Brian J. Green 3t; Press Association 5t, 7b, 8m; Solent News 11t

To my wife,

my children and my parents

Cover Page

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Foreword

Introduction

Preface

1 - HOD’S LAW

2 - SOUTHAMPTON HERE I COME

3 - KNOCKED INTO SHAPE BY THE HAIRDRIER

4 - IT’S STUART PEARCE—‘OH…MY…GOD!’

5 - I GET RON ATKINSON FIRED AND FERGIE HIRED

6 - PUNCH UPS, HANGOVERS AND LADY BOYS

7 - DODGY REFS AND HAT TRICKS

8 - WHY I TOLD SOUNESS, HODDLE AND VENABLES TO GET LOST

9 - IAN WHO?

10 - HOW TO GET A MANAGER SACKED

11 - GET THE BALL TO TISS

12 - ONE DRUNK GAFFER AND A MATCHFIXING SCANDAL

13 - FINAL DAY COCK-UP

14 - SUBBED BY A FISH UP A TREE or PEOPLE CALLED RUPERT SHOULD NOT RUN FOOTBALL CLUBS

15 - LAWRIE OUT, DAVE JONES IN

16 - LAST-DAY ESCAPE

17 - SAINT AND SINNER

18 - GLENN, CHIPS AND FRY-UPS

19 - MATT OUT OF DELL

20 - END OF THE ROAD

21 - FROM FINAL TO FARCE

22 - LOWE DOWN

23 - THEY THINK IT’S ALL OVER

24 - FAIRWAY TO HEAVEN

25 - REACH FOR THE SKY

26 - LIFE BEGINS AT 40

27 - WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT MATT

Alan Ball

Matt Stats

What the Fans Say

Index

About the Publisher

I wasn’t surprised when Matt asked me to write the foreword to his autobiography. After all, I did all his work for him when we were teammates so it is only fitting I should help him now. The big surprise is that he hasn’t asked me to write the whole thing—with him adding the one brilliant punchline which people will remember and talk about for ever.

Matt might not have been noted for his work-rate, but he is one of the most naturally gifted players it has been my privilege to play with. He could do things with a ball which left you, literally, speechless. His skill and technique were sublime and the really annoying thing is that it all came so naturally to him. The rest of us would be working our backsides off, chasing, closing down, taking knocks and tackling, while he would amble around like he didn’t have a care in the world. Then, suddenly, he’d explode into life and win the game with a piece of pure genius. And he got almost as much pleasure creating goals for others. If you made a run, you knew he had the ability to find you with an exquisite pass or cross.

I had to do all the running for him. Well, we all did. We were told to get the ball and give it to Matt because he had the ability to create something special. People thought he was lazy but what they don’t appreciate is that he concentrated on doing his running in all the right areas. We, his teammates, knew that if we lost possession he was never going to chase back and help. You accepted that because when the ball was played forward and there was just a sniff of goal, he’d be on it in a flash.

Once you got to know him, you realized he cared passionately about winning and scoring—and about Southampton Football Club. That’s why he stayed there his whole career when he could have had his pick of teams. He had several opportunities to leave but he didn’t see why he should, and he was single-minded enough to dig his heels in when others were saying he should go. You have to applaud him because that sort of loyalty is very rare.

I can identify with that because that’s just how I felt about Newcastle—it was always my dream to play for them. But I have a lot of affection for the Saints. They were my first club and I am very sad to see what has happened to them in recent years. I know it has hurt Matt, who gave so much to keep them in the Premier League against the odds for so many years. And he provided the fans with wonderful entertainment along the way.

He was capable of scoring from virtually anywhere. Some of his goals were absolutely breathtaking. Even when I was playing against him, there were times I almost found myself applauding his goals. But Matt was not just a great goal-scorer—he was a scorer of great goals. Some of them left you puzzling, ‘How the heck did he do that ?’

I’ll never forget the one he put past his big mate Tim Flowers for Southampton, at Blackburn. He beat a couple of men as though they weren’t there and then fired into the top left corner from 35 yards. There was no luck about it, he knew exactly where he wanted to put the ball. It was a really special goal, and the fact he beat Tim all ends up gave him even more satisfaction. Tim has never lived it down even though we won the game. It always seemed to be Newcastle or Blackburn he scored against. He really seemed to enjoy scoring against my teams.

Being a similar age, we always had a bit of friendly rivalry going right from our days together in the Southampton youth team. And we are still good friends now—even though we are the exact opposite in terms of lifestyle and looks.

He has never been your stereotypical footballer, either on the field or off. The club’s nutritionists must have wondered how he was still alive, let alone playing at the top level. His idea of a diet was picking the lettuce out of his burger. And he hasn’t changed now that he has retired. Even as a TV pundit he looks like a sack of spuds—or as though he has eaten one. He’s never bothered what people think of him. He openly admits, ‘This is the way I am, take me or leave me.’ And everyone respects that. They are quick to poke fun at his failings—but always in a good-natured way. He takes it well—with his body size and dress sense he hasn’t got any choice—and he can certainly dish it back. In spades.

I have to say he is perfect for Sky’s Soccer Saturday show because he is so laid back, but his wit is as sharp as his shooting. He can laugh at himself and has the perfect sense of humour for that show, coupled with the fact he knows the game inside out and isn’t afraid to speak his mind.

This autobiography has been written very much in that vein—self-deprecating with a great sense of his own worth and a lot of jokes. And obviously it has been written by someone else because it is far too much like hard work for Tiss. But I bet he takes all the credit.