Kimberley Chambers - The Feud

‘You coming with us, Ray?’ Eddie asked.

‘No, Uncle Raymond. We want you to see Milky the Cow,’ Frankie said, with her hands on her hips.

‘Please don’t go, Uncle Raymond,’ Joey begged.

With two pairs of pleading eyes desperate for his company, Raymond decided to stay put.

‘We’ll have that chat when I get back,’ Eddie told him.

Stanley followed Eddie out of the front door. ‘What were the kids on about? Have you got a cow out the back?’

Eddie started to laugh. Stan didn’t have a clue, bless his cotton socks. ‘No, course not. They’re talking about their new toys – Milky, the Marvellous Milking Cow. Drove me mad for ’em, they did. All the toy shops had sold out and I spent a whole day driving around looking for ’em. I got two in the end, had to drive all the way to Southend to pick the bastard things up. The things you do for kids, eh?’

Stanley said nothing. Eddie was a good dad, a good husband, but there was still something very sinister about him that Stan couldn’t put his finger on.

Hearing the front door slam, Joyce and Jessica grinned at one another. No words were needed, but both of them were absolutely thrilled that Stanley and Eddie had got over their little differences and become friends.

‘Is it OK if me and Ricky go out the back and play football? We won’t go near the swimming pool, I promise.’

Jessica ruffled Gary’s hair. ‘Of course you can. Mind the flowerbeds, though.’

Joyce helped Jessica take the dirty dishes into the kitchen. ‘I’ll wash up for you, love,’ Joyce insisted.

Jessica giggled. ‘There’s no need, Mum, I’ve got a dishwasher.’

Joyce looked at the metal machine with interest. She’d heard about dishwashers, but had never seen one up close before. ‘You sure it cleans them properly, Jess? I mean, it ain’t like human hands, is it?’

‘Of course it cleans them properly. Now, if you wanna make yourself useful, Mum, pour us both another drink.’

Frankie poked her head around the kitchen door. ‘Grandma, where’s our presents? It’s after dinner now.’

Topping up her glass with sherry, Joyce followed Frankie into the living room. She delved into her big black shopping bag. ‘Here we go. You’ve got a jamboree bag each and me and Grandad clubbed together and bought you both a new toy.’

‘What is it? Can we have it now?’ the twins asked excitedly.

‘Have the jamboree bag now and as soon as Grandad gets back, you can have your toys.’

‘Oh, I want mine now,’ Frankie said, sulking.

‘Do as Nanny says,’ Jessica shouted sternly.

Joey was a polite kid, but her daughter could be a stroppy little cow at times.

Ten minutes later, an ashen-faced Stanley walked back into the house, alone. ‘Jesus Christ, drove like a lunatic, he did. Nearly killed us on that bend down the road there. I think I’m gonna bring me dinner up,’ he moaned.

Raymond got himself a lager and poured his shell-shocked father a large Scotch. ‘Eddie always drives fast. Get that down your neck, you’ll be fine,’ he told his dad.

As Stanley ran to the toilet and retched, Eddie was still sat in the car, laughing. Watching Stanley leap out looking like death warmed up and then stagger up the drive was one of the funniest things he’d ever seen. He knew deep down that Stanley only suffered him for the sake of the kids and driving like a maniac was payback time. Picturing Stan’s face when he’d hit that bend, Eddie had to hold his bollocks to stop himself pissing on the seat. With his hand still clutched around his privates, Eddie walked towards the house. Unable to keep a straight face, he tried to think of something else.

‘Dad feels ill – did you have to drive like a nutcase? He’s just brought all his dinner up,’ Jessica said angrily.

‘Gotta go a loo,’ Eddie said, running upstairs.

Locking the bathroom door, Eddie put his hand over his mouth. Stanley spewing his guts up had tipped him over the edge and, instead of just having the giggles, he was now on the verge of hysterics.

‘Can we have our toys now?’ Frankie asked impatiently.

‘Grandad will give them to you,’ Joyce said, handing them to her husband as he walked back into the room. Poor Stanley looked so ill, she wanted to lighten him up a bit. Remembering that he’d earlier jolted the car and nearly broken her neck, she quickly snatched them back from him.

‘Nanny chose them so,on second thoughts, Nanny should give them to you,’ she told the twins.

Having managed finally to compose himself, Eddie nodded to Raymond to follow him outside. ‘Do you wanna cigar?’ he asked him.

Raymond shook his head. ‘No thanks, I’ll have a fag.’

Staring at Raymond, Eddie put both hands on his shoulders and spoke in earnest. ‘When I first gave you a job, Ray, I sort of did it for Jessica’s sake. You were just a kid, her little brother, and I must admit, although I liked you, I had me doubts. Over the years you’ve proved me wrong. You’ve been honest, loyal, a real top-class employee. The thing is, Raymond, you’re not a boy any more, you’re now a man and that is why I want to offer you a handshake, a proper in.’

Raymond nodded. He’d learned to understand Eddie’s lingo over the years and he knew exactly where the conversation was going.

Eddie smiled at him. ‘My Uncle Reg is on the verge of retiring. We need another pair of hands and I want you to join the family properly. You’re gonna be working with me, Paulie and Ronny. You’re no fool, you know the set-up. What’s your opinion on that?’

Unbeknown to Eddie, Raymond had been waiting for this moment for a long time. Unable to control his emotions, he grabbed the big man and hugged him.

‘I’m honoured, Eddie, and I promise you faithfully that I will do you proud.’

Laughing, Eddie pushed him away and squared up to him. ‘You’d better do me proud,’ he said, as he lunged into a bit of play-fighting.

Gently pushing Raymond away, Eddie put his serious head on, once more. ‘You won’t be a gofer. You’ll have a three-month trial, then you’ll be on virtually the same cut as Paulie and Ronny are.’

Raymond could scarcely believe his luck. He’d prayed for this day to happen and now it finally had. He could move out of his parents’, buy his own property. If he played his cards right, the world could be his oyster. ‘Thanks, Eddie. I’ll do whatever you ask of me and I truly mean that.’

Eddie nodded. ‘Good lad. Now, a few ground rules. You don’t say a word to anyone about anything we do. Birds, mates, family – not a soul. If anyone asks, you’re a debt collector.’

Raymond nodded. He understood perfectly.

Deep in thought, Eddie tilted his head. ‘I think it’s probably for the best that I lend you some dough and you get your own place. If any shit hits the fan, you don’t want your parents involved, do you?’

‘I’ve been wanting to leave home for ages anyway. I think the world of me mum and dad, but they do me head in,’ Raymond said frankly.

‘First thing on Monday, Ray, I’m gonna take you out, rent you somewhere and get you kitted out as well. Remember one golden rule: a man is always judged on what he wears. You’ve always got to look the part, wear good clobber. We’ll go up Savile Row and get you a couple of suits from there.’

‘Daddy, what are you doing out here? I want you to see my new toy.’

Eddie picked up Frankie and held her in his left arm. He held his right out to Raymond. ‘Welcome to the family, son.’

After a couple more Scotches, Stanley’s stomach had settled and he was now on the floor playing with the twins.

‘What you got, then? What’s Nanny and Grandad brought you?’ Eddie said, kneeling down.