Alison Roberts - Hot Docs On Call - Healing His Heart

It could be that Simon’s unease was in direct correlation to hers and he was picking up on the what-the-hell-am-I-doing? vibes. In which case his lack of confidence in her was understandable. Unfortunately, the fostering classes she’d attended hadn’t fully equipped her to do the job. Unlike star pupil Matt, who was deep in conversation sitting on the end of Simon’s bed.

‘What’s with all of the whispering going on over there?’ She dared break up the cosy scene in an attempt to wedge herself in the middle of it.

There was more whispering, followed by a childish giggle. A sound she thought she’d never hear coming from Simon and one which threatened to start her blubbing again. She was tempted to throw a blanket over Matt’s head and snatch him home with her to keep Simon entertained.

‘Can’t tell you. It’s a secret.’ Simon giggled again, his eyes bright in the midst of the dressings covering his face.

‘Magician’s code, I’m afraid. We can’t divulge our secrets to civilians outside our secret circle.’ Matt tapped the side of his nose and Simon slapped his hand over his mouth, clearly enjoying the game.

Quinn didn’t care as long as he was talking again and having fun.

‘Hmm. As long as we’re not suddenly overrun with rabbits pulled out of hats, then I’ll just have to put up with it. Tell me, what do you have to do to be part of this prestigious group anyway?’ She perched on the bed beside Matt, getting a boost from sitting so close to him as much as from the easy-going atmosphere which had been lacking between her and Simon.

‘We’re a pretty new club so we’ll have to look into the rules and regulations. What do you say, Simon? What would it cost Quinn to join?’ Matt’s teasing was light relief now her green-eyed, monstrous alter ego had left the building. This wasn’t about one-upmanship; he was gaining Simon’s confidence and trust and gradually easing her in with him.

‘Chocolate ice cream!’ he shouted without hesitation.

‘We can do that.’ She was partial to it herself and something they could easily pick up on the way home. A small price to pay for a quiet night.

‘That should cover her joining fee…anything else?’ Matt wasn’t going to let her off so easily.

‘Umm…’ Simon took his time, milking her sympathy for all it was worth with Matt’s encouragement.

He eventually came back with ‘The zoo!’ knowing he had her over a barrel.

There was no way she could say no when they were making solid progress. Not that she was against the idea; it simply hadn’t crossed her mind that he would want to go.

‘Nice one.’ Matt high-fived his mini-conspirator and Quinn got the impression she’d walked straight into a trap.

‘A day at the zoo? I’ve never been myself, but if that’s the price I have to pay to join your club I’m in.’ It was worth it. He hadn’t expressed a desire to leave the house since the fire, unwilling to leave the shadows and venture out into the public domain, so this was a major breakthrough.

It could also turn out to be an unmitigated disaster, depending on how he interacted with other visitors. He’d already endured much staring and pointing from the general public who didn’t understand how lucky he was just to survive the injuries, but it was a risk worth taking. If things went well it could bring them closer as well as give him a confidence boost.

‘You’ve never been to the zoo?’ Matt was still staring at her over that particular revelation.

‘We never got around to it. Mum was always working weekends and holidays to pay the bills and I tagged along with her.’ It wasn’t anyone’s fault; spending time together had simply been more important than expensive days out.

‘You don’t know what you’re missing. Lions, penguins, gorillas…they’re all amazing up close.’

She couldn’t tell who was more excited, both big kids bouncing at the idea. Although she was loath to admit it, there was a fizz in her veins about sharing the experience with Simon for the first time too. As if somehow she could recapture her childhood and help him reconnect with his at the same time.

‘Matt has to come too!’ Simon tried to wedge it into the terms and conditions of the deal but he was pushing his luck now.

‘I’ve been before. This is something for you and your mum to do together.’ Matt turned and mouthed an apology to her and the penny dropped that he’d been trying to broker this deal for her benefit alone.

‘Matt has lots of other patients to treat and he’d never get any work done if he had to keep taking them all to the zoo whenever they demanded it. We’ll go, just the two of us, and make a day of it.’ Quinn could already sense him shrinking back into his shell. Negotiating with an infant was a bit like trying to juggle jelly—impossible and very messy.

‘You can take loads of photos and show me the next time you’re here.’

Bless him, Matt was doing his best to keep his spirits up but the spark in Simon had definitely gone out now he knew his favourite surgeon wasn’t involved. She knew the feeling.

‘Right, mister, it’s getting late. We need to get you dressed and take you home.’ Any further arguments or tantrums could continue there, out of Matt’s earshot. She wouldn’t be surprised to find out he’d taken extended leave the next time they were due back to see him.

‘I don’t have a home!’ Simon yelled, and single-handedly pulled the sheet up over his head, his body shaking under the covers as he sobbed.

Quinn genuinely didn’t know what to do; her own heart shattered into a million pieces at his outburst. He didn’t count her as his mum, didn’t even think of her house as a place of safety, despite everything she’d tried to do for him.

She was too numb to cry and stood open-mouthed, staring at Matt, willing him to tell her what to do next. It wasn’t as if she could leave him here until he calmed down; he was her foster child, her responsibility, and it was down to her to provide a home he’d rather be in instead of here.

The foster authorities would certainly form that opinion and it was soul-crushing to learn he’d take a hospital bed on a noisy ward over the boy-friendly bedroom she’d painstakingly decorated in anticipation of his arrival.

She’d been happy to have one parent—why couldn’t he?

‘You’re being daft now. I know for a fact you and Quinn live in the same house. I bet you’ve even got a football-themed room.’ As usual Matt was the one to coax him back out of his cotton cocoon.

‘I’ve got space stuff.’ Simon sniffed.

‘Wow! You’re one lucky wee man. I had to share a room with my sisters so it was all flowers and pink mushy stuff when I was growing up.’

‘Yuck!’

‘Yuck indeed.’ Matt gave an exaggerated shudder at the memory but it gave Quinn a snapshot of his early life, outnumbered by girls.

‘Do you wanna come see?’ He peeked his head above the cover to witness the fallout of his latest demand.

This time Matt turned to her for answers.

They were stuffed.

If she said no, she hadn’t a hope of getting Simon home without a struggle and she was too exhausted to face it. A ‘yes’ meant inviting Matt further into their personal lives and they couldn’t keep relying on him to solve their problems. He’d made it clear he didn’t want to be part of any family apart from the one he’d already raised. In her head she knew it was asking for trouble but her heart said, ‘Yes, yes, yes!’ So far, he’d been the one blazing ember of hope in the dark ashes of the fire.

She gave a noncommittal shrug, leaving the final decision with him. It was a cop out on her behalf, but if he wanted out, now was the time to do it. She was putting her faith in him but his hesitation was more comforting than it should’ve been. At least she wasn’t the only one being put on the spot and it proved some things were beyond even his control. His mind wasn’t made up one way or the other about getting further entangled in this mess and that had to be more promising than a firm no.