Alison Roberts - Hot Docs On Call - Healing His Heart

Telling her about his family was an eejit move. That was personal and this wasn’t supposed to be about him. He listened, he diagnosed and he operated but he never, ever got personally involved. Not only had he given something of himself by revealing his family circumstances, now he knew her background too. The fact she’d been through the foster system only made her strength all the more remarkable to him.

She was a true survivor and yet she was still willing to give so much of herself to others. He needed to direct her somewhere those qualities weren’t a personal threat to his equilibrium.

‘You know, if you’re at a loss for company, I can introduce you to members of the hospital committee. I’m sure you’ve heard the board is trying to close the place down and we’d be only too glad to have someone else fighting in our corner.’ It would give her something to focus on other than Simon’s treatment and, in turn, might create a bit of distance between them too. She might make a few more friends into the bargain. Friends who weren’t afraid to get too close to her in case it compromised their position or freedom.

‘I did do a spot of picketing today. It would be such a shame to see the place close. Especially after everything you’ve done for Simon there. What happens to you if they do close? What happens to us?’

He could see the absolute terror in her eyes, that brilliant blue darkening to the colour of storm-filled skies, at the thought of more disruption in their lives. It was also an indication that she was relying on him being present in her life for the foreseeable future and that wasn’t an expectation he could live up to.

‘I’d hate to see the place get phased out. Hopefully the campaigning and fundraising will make a difference. As for me, I’m on a temporary contract. I’ll move on soon enough anyway. Like I said, I prefer to be footloose and fancy free these days.’

‘Simon will miss you terribly.’ She broke eye contact and diligently tidied the empty plates into a pile for the server to collect.

A dagger jabbed Matt in the heart at the idea that he’d be the one to cause either of them any further distress.

‘Don’t worry, I’ll be around for a while yet and if I stay local there’s always a chance he’d get referred to me anyway.’ At least by then he would’ve had a cooling off period from this particular case.

Quinn nodded, although the lip-chewing continued.

This was the first time his casual new lifestyle had given him cause to rethink his idea of moving from one place to another whenever the mood took him. Whilst the notion of experiencing new people and places was more attractive than remaining stagnant in Dublin, he hadn’t given any thought to patients who might get too attached, or vice versa.

It would be tough to leave his patients here when the time came, but better for him. He’d spent a huge chunk of his life on hold, waiting until others were ready to let go of him. This was supposed to be his time to spread his wings and not get dragged back into any more family dramas.

Despite the hustle and bustle of the pub around them, he and Quinn fell into an uneasy silence. His attraction to her was in direct competition with his longing for a quiet, uncomplicated life. The two weren’t compatible, and whichever won through, it would undoubtedly leave the bitter taste of loss behind.

The vibration in his pocket shocked him back into the present, his pager becoming a cattle prod to make sure he was back on the right path. Although the message informing him Simon was awake had come too late to save him from himself or from straying onto forbidden territory.

‘Simon’s awake. We should head back.’ And put a stop to whatever this is right now.

Quinn’s face lit up at the news, which really wasn’t helping with the whole neutral, platonic, not-thinking-of-her-as-anything-other-than-a-parent stance he was going to have to take.

‘Oh, good! What are we waiting for?’

There was genuine joy moving in to chase the clouds of despair away in those eyes again. Whether Quinn knew it, or wanted it, Matt could see Simon was the most important thing in her life. He knew fostering was only supposed to be a temporary arrangement until a permanent home for the child was secured and if she wasn’t careful with her heart she’d end up getting hurt. If he’d had to, Matt would’ve fought to the death with the authorities to gain custody over his siblings and he knew he’d have been heartbroken to see them shipped out to strangers after everything he’d done for them.

He didn’t know what Quinn’s long-term plans were, but it was important she didn’t lose sight of her own needs or identity in the midst of it all. At least he’d had his career to focus on when his family had flown the nest and stripped him of his parent role.

Quinn was the sort of woman who needed to be cared for as well as being the nurturer of others.

He didn’t know why he felt the need to be part of that.

The good news that Simon was awake was a welcome interruption for Quinn. She wasn’t proud of the display she’d put on today and it would be best if she and Simon could just disappear back to the house and take her shame with her. At least she could unleash her emotions there without sucking innocent bystanders into the eye of the storm along with her.

Poor Matt, whose only job was to operate on Simon and send them on their way, had run the gauntlet with her today. Irrational jealousy, fear, rage, self-pity and physical attraction—she’d failed to hide any of them in his presence. That last one in particular gave her the shame shudders. He’d been antsy with her ever since that sofa comment.

That sudden urge to crumple into a melting puddle of embarrassment hit again and she wrapped her cardigan around her body, wishing it had a hood to hide her altogether.

She wasn’t stupid. That suggestion she should join the hospital committee was his subtle way of getting her to back off and go bother someone else. He’d made his position very clear—he was done with other people’s kids unless it was in the operating theatre.

‘Are you cold?’ Matt broke through her woolly invisibility shield with another blast of concern. He was such a nice guy, it was easy to misinterpret his good manners for romantic interest and that’s exactly what she’d done.

If she asked around she’d probably find a long line of lonely, frightened women who were holding a candle for him because of his bedside manner. One thing was sure, when he did move on he’d leave a trail of broken hearts behind him.

‘Yeah.’ She shivered more at the thought of Matt leaving than the sudden dip in temperature as they ventured outside. He’d become a very big part of their lives here and she couldn’t imagine going through all of this without him.

Warmth returned to her chilled bones in a flash as perfect gentleman Matt draped his jacket around her shoulders. In another world this would have been a romantic end to their evening and not a doctor’s instinct to prevent her from adding hypothermia to her list of problems. She should have declined the gesture, insisted it wasn’t necessary when they’d soon be back indoors, to prevent her from appearing any more pathetic than she already did. Except the enveloping cocoon of his sports coat was a comfort she needed right now. It held that spicy scent she associated with his usually calming presence in its very fabric.

She supposed it would be weird if she accidentally on purpose forgot to return it and started wearing it as a second skin, like some sort of obsessed fan.

When they reached the hospital lobby she had no option but to extricate herself from the pseudo-Matt-hug. If she didn’t make the break now there was every likelihood she’d end up curled up in bed tonight using it as a security blanket.