Anne Herries - The Regency Season - Hidden Desires

‘No, how could he?’ Jenny was caught by her strange expression. ‘I thought you blamed him for it?’

Lucy’s voice caught on a sob. ‘Paul would never...but now he will not speak to me or look at me. If he catches me looking at him, he scowls as if he hated me.’

‘I am certain he does not,’ Jenny said and put an arm about her waist. ‘I think he is in so much pain that he scarcely knows what to think.’

‘Even when he was thrown from his horse he would not look at me,’ Lucy said. ‘We all heard the shot. We know that someone tried to hurt, perhaps to kill him—but yesterday he accused me of thinking he’d arranged the accident to deflect suspicion from him. As if I would think such a thing.’

‘Did you tell him so?’

Lucy’s cheeks flushed red. ‘He made me cross. I said that the idea was only in his mind and that only he knew what had put it there.’

‘Oh, Lucy—that does sound as if you blame him,’ Jenny said, her gaze narrowed. ‘Why did you say such a thing to him?’

‘I do not know,’ Lucy confessed tearfully. ‘It is just that everything is so horrid and my mind is in turmoil. I feel guilty because I was not in love with Mark, as everyone believed.’

‘Yes, I know, but you must not let it affect your relationships with others,’ Jenny said. ‘You like Paul. Why do you not show him that you still value his friendship?’

‘I...cannot,’ Lucy said. ‘If he would be as he was at the ball, charming and sweet...but he has changed. He is cold and bitter and angry—angry with me. I do not know what I’ve done to make him so.’

‘I think his anger is as much frustration as anything,’ Jenny said. ‘He loved his brother and at the moment he can do nothing to avenge him. That is why it is so important to them all to find the rogue. Besides, if he attempted to kill Paul, he is a dangerous man. He needs to be on his guard.’

‘Yes, I know.’ Lucy shuddered. ‘If anything happened to Paul I could not stand it—I really could not, Jenny.’

‘I am sure it will not,’ Jenny comforted, though she knew that it was possible unless Paul took more care of his safety. ‘I dare say the rogue has left the area. He must know that he is being searched for.’

‘Yes, word will have spread and people will be watching for a stranger who has no business in the area,’ Lucy agreed. ‘Now, please may we forget it and talk of something else?’

‘I am determined to read Miss Austen’s latest novel as soon as I can take it from the library,’ Jenny said. ‘Though there is no reason why I should not subscribe to my own copy. Your mama subscribes to parcels of the latest novels, does she not?’ Lucy nodded and Jenny smiled. ‘Then perhaps she will furnish me with the address of her supplier. Books are a luxury my aunt thought unnecessary. She said why buy them when it was possible to borrow—and my uncle thought both novels and poetry a waste of time. Now I can please myself and I think I shall purchase a set of Lord Byron’s works as well as Miss Austen’s—and Fanny Burney’s, too.’

‘I always borrow Mama’s and I’m sure you could too,’ Lucy said. ‘But if you wish to set up a library of your own it would be the greatest fun. We could draw up lists and discover what bindings they come in. When you have a house of your own your books might look very smart set out on the shelves if you have them covered in red or green leather.’

‘I know it is possible to buy such sets,’ Jenny said, warming to the subject, because it pleased Lucy. ‘I must enquire the price. I’ve been used to economy these past months, but there is no reason why I should not treat myself to a few pleasures.’

‘There is little more satisfying than a new book,’ Lucy said. ‘When one looks at the cover there is so much to discover, so much to explore. One never knows where the author will take one or what kind of adventures the poor heroine must endure.’ She laughed. ‘I think I should not like to be the heroine in Udolpho, though I loved reading it.’

‘Yes, so did I,’ Jenny said. ‘I had to smuggle it into my bedroom so that my aunt should not see it—but I do have my own copy of that book. It is bound in cloth, not leather, but the story is just as wonderful.’

‘Oh, yes,’ Lucy agreed. ‘Nothing is worse than row after row of boring books in leather. They look well, but one cannot read them—but how delightful it must be to have one’s favourite books bound so. It is an indulgence, of course...’

Jenny could do nothing but agree. Lucy’s spirits had lifted and, in helping to cheer her friend, she had found some ease from her own distress.

She was looking forward to the trip to Bath, and, if Adam had gone to Cornwall, she had nothing to stay here for—but she felt the loss of his company keenly. She had seen him almost every day since that fatal day when he’d taken her up from the side of the road and she was going to miss him. Her heart raced every time she saw him approaching her and she was very much afraid that she might have fallen in love. It was ridiculous of her, of course, but she feared it might have happened that first night at Ravenscar.

If only Adam felt the same. Had his grandfather not been in sore need, she was sure her fortune would have been enough to help him improve his own estate for the benefit of their children, giving them a comfortable life together. Unfortunately, she was not sure it amounted to enough to pay the earl’s debts.

Jenny would not have grudged the money had it enabled Adam to do what was needed. She had no desire to wear ostentatious jewels and one simple carriage would be sufficient. A short stay in London in a house hired for the Season would content her and if Adam’s fortune were modest it would be enough—but he was determined to settle the earl’s debts and she was not sure it could be done.

No, she would not dwell on such things. Adam had told her he intended to visit his grandfather’s estate in the hope of improving the situation and perhaps he would. Sometimes when a mine ran out of copper it was possible to find a vein of some other precious metal, like tin or silver.

How wonderful that would be!

Jenny smiled at her own thoughts. Such things only occurred in novels. It was far more likely that the land was worthless and could not even be sold.

* * *

‘I was never more glad of someone’s company,’ Lady Dawlish said to Jenny some days later. ‘Indeed, I do not know what we should have done had you not been kind enough to come here and stay. I have never seen my poor Lucy so down and I do not know how to lift her. I am afraid that she will sink into a decline.’

‘I do not think it, ma’am,’ Jenny told her with a smile. ‘It is true that she soars from the depths to the heights and back again, but she is stronger than you may imagine. I am certain she will recover once we are in Bath. Here, everything reminds her of Mark.’

‘They were always together, even when they were little. Indeed, she and Paul were of an age and they tagged after Mark. He was always the leader, the golden god they all wanted to notice them. Until Lucy went away to finishing school I thought nothing would come of it. Then both Mark and Paul joined the army. It was when Mark was home on leave and Lucy had just returned from her school that they first became attracted to each other in that way.’

‘Yet they were not engaged immediately?’

‘I was determined that Lucy must have at least one Season. Dawlish and Ravenscar had always promoted the marriage, but I was not certain until Lucy told me that he had asked her to wait for him until that last campaign was over. Mark did not wish her to be a widow before she was hardly a wife and I agreed. I think her papa and Ravenscar would have liked a wedding sooner, but I wanted Lucy to be certain.’