Lana Kortchik - Sisters of War

The clock in the corridor chimed midnight. Natasha, who was sleeping on a small folding bed in her grandparents’ room, could hear Lisa tossing and turning in her bed in the room next door. Natasha got up and crossed the small space that separated the two rooms, peering in. Her eyes were used to the dark and she could make out Lisa’s shape as she curled up in bed. Instantly she felt less lonely, and her heart felt lighter. The weight she was carrying wasn’t hers alone. She had her sister to share it with.

‘Lisa, are you awake?’ she whispered, and her voice came out eerie and unfamiliar. She perched on the edge of her sister’s bed.

‘I am now.’ Lisa didn’t sound scared or uncertain. Just annoyed at being disturbed. ‘What is it, Natasha? It’s late.’

‘What do you think is going to happen to us?’

‘I guess the same thing that’s been happening to us since June.’

‘But now they’re here.’

‘There’s nothing we can do about it. We’ll just have to learn to live with it.’

‘How do we do that, Lisa? How do we learn to live with it?’

‘You heard Papa. It won’t be for long,’ said Lisa. ‘Before we know it, our army will come back and boot the Nazis out.’

‘Yes, but what if they don’t? What if it takes months or even years?’ Natasha shuddered. Years under German occupation? She couldn’t imagine living like this for another day. Although she didn’t know what to expect, her whole being rejected the idea.

‘Let’s take it one day at a time. Don’t think about it now. Think about it tomorrow. Try to get some sleep. Goodnight, Natasha.’

‘Goodnight, Scarlett O’Hara.’

It had always been like this. Natasha would be upset about something, and Lisa would tell her not to worry. Although a year younger, she never showed weakness, never opened up. But this wasn’t another teenage drama. It wasn’t a fight with her best friend Olga or a failed geometry test. It was the end of their life as they knew it.

Back in her own bed, Natasha dozed off, a troubled sleep with dreams of being pursued and lost. When she woke up, it was still dark. She wondered what time it was. What was it that had woken her? Footsteps! There they were again, soft and careful. Petrified, Natasha curled into a ball, trying to make herself smaller, less noticeable. She wished she was invisible, so that no one could find her and nothing could hurt her. And then she thought, Is this it? Is this what my life has become? Is this what I have become, afraid of my own shadow?

Through the paper-thin wall, she heard an urgent whisper. ‘Lisa, wake up!’

‘Alexei! What are you doing here?’ Lisa seemed happier to be woken up by Alexei than she was by Natasha. She sounded honey-sweet. Natasha wondered if their voices would wake their grandparents but no, they continued sleeping, their breathing regular.

‘I can’t sleep,’ said Alexei.

‘I can’t sleep, either.’

‘That folding bed is so uncomfortable. And it’s cold in the kitchen. The window is open.’

‘Have you tried closing it?’

‘No, I thought I’d come here instead.’

‘So sleep here with me. I’ll keep you warm.’

‘Are you sure? What if your father finds out? He’ll kill us both.’ Lisa’s bed creaked once, and then again, as Alexei climbed in.

‘Who’s going to tell him?’ asked Lisa.

‘He’ll come into the kitchen in the morning and find my bed empty. What is he going to think?’

‘You’ll just have to wake up before him, won’t you?’

‘What about Natasha?’

‘She’s a sound sleeper. Besides, she’d never tell on me. She’s my sister.’

There was a moment of silence that lasted far too long. Were they kissing? Natasha felt her cheeks flush in embarrassment. Maybe she could go and sleep in the kitchen on Alexei’s folding bed. But that would mean admitting she had been awake all this time, listening in. And what would Father say if he found Natasha in the kitchen? Alexei and Lisa wouldn’t be the only ones he would kill.

A pitiful sound reached her, like a kitten meowing. Lisa was whimpering softly and blowing her nose. It had been years since Natasha had heard her sister cry.

‘Are you okay?’ asked Alexei. ‘Why are you crying? Do you want anything? What’s wrong?’

‘Everything,’ said Lisa. ‘Everything is wrong. What are we going to do?’

Natasha felt a wave of affection for her sister, who tried to comfort her and give her strength, even though she herself felt weak. Lisa was being so brave, and only now, in front of Alexei, did she show how she really felt. Natasha wanted to hug her sister, hold her in her arms and tell her everything was going to be alright. But Alexei was already doing that.

‘Please, don’t cry,’ he was whispering. ‘The most important thing is that we have each other.’

‘That’s all that matters to me, you know. That we are together. Nothing bad can happen to me while I’m with you. You’ll protect me, won’t you? From everything?’

‘Of course I will.’

His voice cracked, and Natasha knew instantly something was wrong. But Lisa didn’t seem to notice. ‘We’ll get married,’ she was saying, ‘and we’ll start a family. We’ll be so happy.’

‘I have to tell you something,’ said Alexei. All of a sudden, he sounded short of breath, as if he were walking fast up a steep mountain.

‘What?’ she prodded.

‘I’ve been thinking and thinking about it.’ He paused.

‘Tell me.’

‘I might have to go away for a little while.’

He waited for Lisa to reply but she was silent. The clock chimed three in the morning.

‘I can’t stay here and do nothing, Lisa. It’s war. I need to do my bit for our country. I keep hearing rumours about the partisans. I’m going to find them, make my way east, join the Red Army. Before you and I can be together, we need to beat the Nazis. You do understand, don’t you?’

‘No, I don’t understand,’ Lisa sobbed. ‘I don’t understand why you’d want to leave me.’

‘I don’t want to leave you. It’s the last thing I want. But how can we be happy while Hitler is in the Soviet Union? First we fight and then we build a life together. A happy, married life with children and grandchildren.’

‘Grandchildren? Really?’

‘I’m just thinking ahead. I love you, Lisa. I want to grow old with you. I want everything with you. But first, we fight. We can’t take this lying down. We can’t turn the other cheek.’ Alexei’s voice grew louder in the dark. ‘Before we can start our lives together, we fight and we beat this,’ he repeated.

‘If you leave, you’ll never come back. I can feel it! I’ll never see you again.’

‘Of course I’ll come back. How could I stay away?’ said Alexei. ‘How could I stay away from you ?’ he added.

‘Don’t go!’ Lisa pleaded. ‘I don’t want you to go. I can’t imagine living without you.’

‘It’s only for a little while.’

‘I can’t imagine living without you even for a little while.’

‘And I couldn’t live with myself if I stayed here and did nothing. Even you wouldn’t respect me if I did.’

‘I just want you here with me. I want you safe. I love you.’

‘And I want to be with you. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. But we can’t be selfish, Lisa. Boys as young as fourteen are running away to enlist. To fight, to make a difference. How will it look if I do nothing? Please, try to understand.’

‘You would walk away from me, say goodbye and leave me in Kiev?’

‘What choice do I have?’

Lisa sobbed and said nothing.

‘Will you wait for me?’ asked Alexei.

‘What choice do I have?’ she replied, and Natasha heard heartbreak in her voice.