Jill Steeples - Hopelessly Devoted To You

‘I know, I know.’ She tipped her head back against the sofa, exasperation colouring her words. ‘I’m sorry, but I think I’ve just made the biggest mistake of my life. The last thing I wanted was for Finn to be hurt like this. I know it sounds stupid, but I didn’t think he’d be that upset. Finn’s not the type of man to be on his own for long. I thought he’d walk away, nursing his wounded pride, and then a few months down the line he’d meet another lawyer type, someone he could live out his happy ever after with. Now not only have I given him a broken heart, he’s got a broken head too.’

Laura’s mouth twisted in a smile.

‘Look, it’s happened and all the talking in the world isn’t going to change that. You’re just going to have to deal with the here and now, both of you.’

Ruby sighed, her bones aching with exhaustion, her skin now free of the make-up she’d applied earlier, all the tears she’d shed having wiped her face clean. Her eyelids closed involuntarily, but immediately her mind was flooded by thoughts of Finn’s accident. Her eyes pinged open again; she didn’t want to face those images yet. She felt a warm surge of gratitude that Laura was here, looking at her fondly.

‘You look lovely,’ she said, noticing for the first time that Laura was wearing a floral floaty dress and only just realising the significance of such a rare event. ‘Oh, my goodness, your date! How did it go?’

Laura shrugged and rolled her eyes heavenwards.

‘It was a disaster. Yep, I know, another one. I’m coming to expect nothing less.’

‘Really? I thought you had high hopes for…what was his name…Max?’

She nodded.

‘I did, but I didn’t like him.’ She shuddered and pulled a face. ‘He did this weird thing of talking in different voices. He would just change accent mid-conversation. It was part of his act apparently, but over a get-to-know-you drink it was all a bit odd. It was as though he had multiple-personality disorder.’

‘Blimey. I guess there are some strange people out there.’

‘I know! And I think I’ve dated most of them now.’ She sighed and stretched her arms out in front of her. ‘Still, I reckon my luck has to change soon.’

‘Too true. Mr Perfect will be out there waiting for you somewhere.’

‘You reckon? Well, I really hope it doesn’t take too long to find him. I’m getting a bit fed up now with the dating lark. Having to look lovely and be scintillating company each night gets a bit wearing after a while. Although sometimes I wonder why I bother. It’s not as though my dates go to the same amount of trouble.’ She gave a rueful smile, looking across at Ruby. ‘Funny to think I’m putting all this time and effort into finding my Mr Perfect and you’ve been doing your best to get rid of yours.’

‘You make it sound as though I’ve been deliberately trying to finish Finn off.’

Laura quirked an eyebrow and pursed her lips together in a look of mischievousness.

‘Well, I did wonder if you pushed him down those stairs.’

‘Laura! That’s a terrible thing to say!’

‘I’m only teasing you. Finn will be all right, I’m sure of it.’

Ruby sighed, wishing she could share in Laura’s positivity.

‘Do you really think so? But what if he’s not all right, Laura? What if he dies? Or if he stays in a coma for the rest of his life? If he does wake up he might be brain damaged and need twenty-four-hour care.’ She scrunched the hair at her temples between her fingers. ‘Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? To think that I’m the one responsible for Finn’s condition. It’s horrible. No, whatever happens now, I’m determined to stand by Finn. To see him through all this. I owe him that much at least.’

‘Oh, God! I hadn’t thought of that.’ Now it was Laura’s turn to sigh dramatically. ‘Wouldn’t that be an awful twist of fate? To think that you finally get round to dumping your boyfriend only then to be chained to him for an entire lifetime because of a freak accident that leaves you feeling indebted to him out of a sense of guilt.’ She shuddered exaggeratedly. ‘It’s like the plotline of a Hollywood blockbuster!’

‘Would you just stop it, Laura? You’re not helping—you’re not helping at all. This is my life we’re talking about here. Not a film. And this morning, apart from the small matter of having to dump my boyfriend, my life was looking pretty damn good and now in the space of a few hours it’s all crumbled around me. If Finn doesn’t wake up, I don’t know how I’ll ever live with myself.’

‘Look, obviously that’s the worst-case scenario,’ said Laura, trying to drag Ruby out of the pit of despair she’d helped to create. ‘It probably won’t come to that. And besides now is not the time to make any rash decisions. He’ll probably come round in a few days’ time, if not sooner, probably tomorrow, I bet, and then everything will be fine again. Everything will be back to normal.’

‘Yes,’ said Ruby, nodding her head maniacally as though if she did that enough times it might actually make it come true.

‘Yes,’ said Laura, joining her in the nodding frenzy. ‘Everything will be absolutely fine.’

They both did more of the nodding thing, although neither of the girls were doing a good job of convincing the other that they actually believed any of it.

Chapter Five

‘Hello!’ The next morning Ruby eased open the door of Finn’s room, her heart pounding in her chest, desperate to see him and yet not really wanting to find out what was waiting for her on the other side.

She’d fallen asleep almost immediately last night after Laura had put her into bed, but she’d awoken again three hours later and had spent the rest of the night tossing and turning, the memory of Finn’s body tumbling down the stairs playing over and over in her mind. She’d thought about getting up and making a cup of tea, but she hadn’t wanted to disturb Laura, who’d insisted on staying over and was sleeping on the sofa.

Now, though, her lack of sleep was firing her veins, the surroundings of the hospital seeming reassuring and terrifying in equal measure.

‘Hello, love.’ Gerry stirred in the armchair next to Finn’s bed, when Ruby entered the room. His eyes, the same deep searching blue eyes as his son’s, flickered open. ‘I think I must have nodded off.’

‘Where’s Jan?’ Ruby asked, looking around and lowering her voice as though she didn’t want to wake Finn when in fact she longed for the very opposite.

‘I told her to go home. To make some phone calls and then to get some rest. There’s no point in us both sitting here staring morosely at Finn. She’s going to come in this evening and stay overnight.’

‘Oh, okay. Has there been any change?’ She looked at Finn, already knowing the answer.

Gerry shook his head and gave a wry smile.

‘I don’t really expect there to be yet. Perhaps we’ll find out more today.’ He stood up, stretching his arms above his head. ‘What about you? Did you manage to get any sleep?’

‘A little, although I kept waking up thinking about the accident. You just wonder, don’t you? If only Finn hadn’t come round last night or if we’d met in a restaurant instead of at the flat or if he’d left just a little bit earlier or a little bit later, then maybe none of this would ever have happened.’

‘Don’t torment yourself over it, Ruby. This really isn’t your fault. It’s just one of those things. And we can’t change what’s happened. We just have to deal with the here and now.’

‘Yes, of course.’ She didn’t expect anything else other than Gerry’s positivity. Like Finn, he wasn’t one for soul-searching or navel-gazing, he just dealt in plain facts, but she wondered whether in the dark of the night, alone with his only son, he’d entertained any of the terrifying thoughts that she’d been wrestling.