Zoe Markham - White Lies

“Want to talk about it? Or does that just make it worse?”

I smiled. People didn’t usually ask me about it. They usually just sort of formed their own opinions and kept their distance. Rae was different. This whole place, it seemed, was different.

“When your parents are in the army, you get really used to being the new girl. It’s not just that you’re always on the move, that bit people understand, but there’s sort of more to it that they don’t always see. It’s like – you’re always just that little bit different – kind of not quite the right fit.”

“Ha,” she chuckled. “Newsflash – none of us are the right fit. Not really. It’s just that some people are better at pretending. Am I right?”

I nodded. She got it.

“I think it’s because my mind doesn’t stick on all the things it’s supposed to. Boys, and clothes, and all that stuff,” I explained. “My focus tends to be a bit different. And, you know, different’s kind of never good. Social suicide, and all that.”

“Yeah, there’s that. But then,” Rae reasoned, “if people know… I mean, if you give them a chance to see why…”

“See, but that’s the thing though. If I explain that the reason I’m sort of not really the life and soul of the party is because there’s always this thought in the back of my head that maybe one of my parents – both, now, in fact – are getting shot at, it’s sort of an automatic downer. Which tends to just make it worse.”

She thought for a moment before replying. I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation. It was like I was talking to Beth, rather than someone I’d just met.

“So you can’t win.” She nodded. “But, you’re here now, so you won’t have to worry so much, right? No more…migratorying, at least. I reckon everything else will probably just…you know…fall into place.”

“Right.” I grinned. “Maybe. I mean, since I’m all done with the migratorying…”

She laughed. “So, anyway – more importantly – do you like pizza?”

“Is the Pope Catholic?”

She shrugged. “Couldn’t tell you. I never pay any attention in RS. Meat and cheese though, what’s not to love?”

The knot in my stomach began to ease as we made our way down the stairs, and the low-down on Scarlett’s now ‘ex’ that Rae gave me took my mind off other things.

“They’ve been together for years. If it’s really over, she’s going to be seriously cut up. Can you imagine? Total nightmare.”

I nodded. I could – maybe not quite in the way she thought – but I really could.

We headed down the main corridor towards reception, then veered off towards a set of double doors. Rae pulled one open and nodded for me to go through, as laughter spilled warmly out towards us.

“The dinner ladies aren’t back until tomorrow,” she explained, making her way towards the front. “That’s why we always get pizza on the first night back.”

The smell was so familiar, so safe , that it wrapped itself around me like a blanket. My stomach growled, and my brain purred. Rae grabbed a plate and dived in, and I was right behind her. I went straight for the Pepperoni Passion, with a sprinkling of chicken strippers and a garnish of potato wedges. Actually it was more of a mountain of each, and I was just pouring myself a Diet Coke so as to appear slightly less unhealthy, when a familiar voice rang out behind me.

“Thought we had a date, New Girl.”

Tyler. Rae looked around at me, eyes wide.

“Oh, yeah, the grand tour. I forgot. Sorry,” I said, trying to hide my heaped plate behind my back.

“No worries.” He tore off a slice of BBQ chicken pizza, my second favourite, and took a bite. “We’ve still got time.”

“We can show her around, Ty. At ease,” Rae said. I couldn’t quite make out her tone. “Come on, Abby, let’s go find Lilly.” She started off towards the tables, and I made to follow, offering Tyler an apologetic shrug; but his words stopped me in my tracks.

“How is she?”

I turned back to him. “You mean Scarlett?”

“Yeah.”

“I…don’t know. A bit upset, I think?”

Rae’s shout echoed across the room. “Abby! Lilly saved us seats. Come on!”

I gave her a wave, almost spilling potato wedges everywhere in the process, and when I turned back to look at Tyler, he was gone.

“OK,” I murmured under my breath. “Still weird.”

When I went to sit down, Lilly slipped right back into overexcited squeal mode: “Were you just talking to Tyler ?”

I nodded, looking down at my plate as everyone’s eyes seemed to swivel my way.

“What is it with you and the hotties? Teach me!”

I could almost hear the ears pricking up all around us, and Lilly came into her own and handled the introductions like a pro. She also filled everyone in on my life history again, so I didn’t have to. I had the feeling she was going to be useful like that. The only downside was that she also told everyone about Jase, despite Rae throwing a chicken strip at her.

“First lesson of dorm life,” she said. “Never tell Lilly anything .”

I forgot everyone’s name pretty much straight away, and worried about whether or not there was mozzarella all over my face, but soon everyone settled back down and concentrated on swapping summer gossip. As interest slowly drifted away from me, I asked Rae about Tyler.

“Do you not like him?”

She scrunched up her nose and shrugged. “He’s all right. Tends to follow Scar around like a bit of a lost puppy though. It gets kind of old.”

“Ah.” So that was why he’d been keen to talk to me. I just happened to be in close proximity to someone he was interested in. ‘How is she?’ presumably was meant as in ‘She’s single now, right? Please confirm.’

“Did they have a thing, or something?”

“He’d like a thing with Scar, obviously. They all would.” She indicated all the boys in the room with a wide sweep of her pizza slice. “But Scar doesn’t date boys from here. And she was pretty serious with Riley for the longest time. I think they were even on about engagement at one point.”

“Wow, that’s pretty…intense…”

“Yeah. Whatever’s happened, she’ll be ripped up inside. She won’t show it though. She’s sort of the school ‘Top Girl’, you know? Kind of has to be all…superhuman and that.”

I didn’t know, not really. If so many people liked you so much, then why wouldn’t you just be honest with them? But I nodded all the same. I didn’t have ‘social skills’ on my CV. What did I know?

“Why’d you ask, anyway?”

“Oh, nothing really, just something he said.”

“Their parents know each other,” Rae went on, around a mouthful of chocolate chip cookie. How had I missed them? “Scar and Tyler were really good friends when they were kids. Went to the same primary, I think. They used to be pretty close, but you know what it’s like when you get older. Everything gets…complicated.”

I nodded. She had that right.

I scanned the room, wondering where the girl herself had got to, and spotted her flaming hair shining over on the far table with a small group of older girls. I watched her out of the corner of my eye for a while; she wasn’t eating, just picking at the food on her plate as she talked. She really was beautiful: porcelain skin, fiery hair, and deep green eyes. Some people had all the luck. She could’ve passed for twenty easily – someone who could’ve been advertising perfume, or designer clothes, or make-up, or any number of other smooth, sexy, desirable things. And there I was, with cheese down my top, someone who’d maybe be handy for advertising the ‘before’ images for diet pills or plastic surgery.