Derek Landy - Bedlam

“No.”

“Just one.”

“If you know anything at all about it,” Valkyrie said, “telling you might involve you, and we don’t want that, do we?”

“I suppose not.”

“You just focus on having a boring, ordinary few weeks, and I’ll explain it all to you when it’s over, deal?”

“I … suppose so.”

She smiled. Finally, she’d done something right. “OK then, buddy. You’d better get back to class.”

“School’s over.”

“Oh,” she said. “Don’t you usually have detention, or something?”

He sagged. “Yeah,” he said, and trudged off.

Valkyrie knocked on the staffroom door.

Militsa opened it, and grinned. “Well, this is a lovely surprise! My girlfriend’s come to pick me up from work!”

Valkyrie winced. “Actually, I’m here to see Fletcher.”

“No!” Militsa gasped, clutching her heart. “Mr Renn! Are you trying to sneak away with my woman?”

“I’ll win her back if it’s the last thing I do!” Fletcher warbled from somewhere Valkyrie couldn’t see.

Militsa grinned again, and gave Valkyrie a peck on the cheek. “He’ll be with you in a second,” she said. “I’ve got some students that need extra tutoring, though, so I shall see you tomorrow, my petal.”

“Yes, you will,” said Valkyrie, giving her a squeeze before she let her walk away.

The door opened further and Fletcher stood there with his ridiculous hair. “Hey,” he said.

“Hey.”

“Haven’t seen you in a while. Is it just you?”

Valkyrie shook her head. “Skulduggery will be here once he’s stopped being mysterious.”

“Fair enough,” Fletcher said, ushering her into the otherwise empty staffroom. “You want anything? We’re out of tea, but I can make you a coffee.”

“Ha, no thanks. I’ve heard about the coffee here. So how are things going? How’s life?”

“Ticking along,” he said. “And actually, now that you’re here … I have a question.”

“OK.”

He hesitated. “So … we dated.”

“Yes, we did.”

“We had fun.”

“Loads of fun.”

“You were my first serious girlfriend.”

“And you were my first serious boyfriend.”

“It didn’t end too well.”

“This is true.”

“You kind of cheated on me.”

“Not my proudest moment.”

“With a vampire.”

“Which turned out to be a huge mistake.”

Fletcher nodded. “It’s good of you to acknowledge that.”

“Haven’t we been over this, though?” Valkyrie asked. “I’m pretty sure I apologised about a million times.”

“Three times,” Fletcher corrected.

“Is that all?”

“I counted.”

“Three times seems … less than I remember.”

“Well, that’s how many it was.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” She smiled. “I feel like you’re skirting round a subject, however, and it’s not about Caelan the sulky vampire.”

“Did I, um … did I turn you gay?”

Valkyrie laughed. Really, really laughed. She hadn’t laughed like that in a long time.

“No,” she said when she’d finished. “No, you didn’t, you muppet.”

“Because you never indicated that you were, you know, interested in girls when we were dating.”

“I don’t see why I would have.”

“Well, yeah,” said Fletcher, “but … like, is this a new thing? I mean, I’m thrilled for you, I really am. Militsa is so cool and so, so nice. I’m happy you’re happy, basically. But did you … was there an awakening or …?”

“Wow,” said Valkyrie. “An awakening .”

“I don’t really know what I’m trying to say.”

“Do you want me to sit you down and go through it all?”

Fletcher brightened. “Would you?”

“No,” said Valkyrie. “I liked boys. And I appreciated how girls looked, but they never really registered with me in that way until I got a bit older.”

“So there was no big bombshell moment when you realised?”

“Not really. Just a growing certainty.”

“And is Militsa your first—”

“Not going to go into too much detail, Fletch.”

“Right, yes, of course. Boundaries.”

She smiled. “I have no boundaries, you should know that by now. But I’m not going to go into detail because Skulduggery’s just arrived.”

“Ah,” said Fletcher, and turned to Skulduggery, standing in the doorway. “Skulduggery, I know you don’t indulge in small talk, so all I’ll ask is: where do you need to go?”

“Seattle,” Skulduggery said.

“Seattle,” Fletcher repeated, clapping his hands. “Home to Nirvana, Soundgarden and Jimi Hendrix. I can take you to the site of the first Starbucks, which is no longer there, or the Space Needle, which is still there, or the airport. Which is still there, too.”

“We’ll need to rent a car,” Skulduggery said, “so the airport would be handier.”

“You got it,” said Fletcher, and narrowed his eyes.

After a moment, Valkyrie asked, “Is everything OK?”

“I’ve been trying to do what Nero does,” Fletcher said. “He doesn’t need to be in physical contact with other people in order to teleport with them. I can’t seem to figure out how he does it, though.”

“Nero’s a Neoteric,” Skulduggery said. “That means even he doesn’t know how he does it. You should stick to the old-fashioned method.” He put his hand on Fletcher’s shoulder. “It’s what you do best.”

Fletcher looked at his hand, then smiled. “Thanks, Skulduggery. Your support means a lot to me.”

“I’m just waiting for you to teleport.”

“Oh,” Fletcher said, and Valkyrie laughed at him.

Fletcher took them to Sea-Tac Airport and then teleported away, leaving them to rent a car. There was snow on the ground, turned to brown mud by the side of the roads. Once they were driving, Valkyrie was able to tell Skulduggery about Tanith’s arrival, and Alice’s hamster, and the rerun of the vision about Omen and Auger.

She didn’t tell him about Caisson, though. She was going to keep that to herself until after their meeting.

“I’ve been having this vision since before Abyssinia returned,” she said, “and not a whole lot about it has changed. Auger’s still injured. Omen still dies.”

“The more information we get about it, the better our chances of averting it,” Skulduggery responded. “The latest detail you picked up was that it happens here, in America – possibly in Oregon. It stands to reason – though I make no assumptions – that what we are investigating now is somehow linked to what happens to the Darkly brothers in an indeterminate amount of time. So I would suggest that we continue as we are, and learn as much as we can about what’s going on.”

“But we’ve got so many things going on,” Valkyrie countered. “We’ve got Alice’s soul to heal, President Flanery’s missing aide to investigate and now we have Temper’s melty-face people to find.”

“Kith.”

“Melty-face people is more descriptive. My point is, we can’t do everything.”

“Of course we can,” Skulduggery said. “We’re Arbiters. We’re detectives. We have incredible bone structure.”

“All that is undeniable, but aren’t we in danger of missing something if we have all these different things calling out for our attention? I don’t want to lose a chance to find Doctor Nye because we’re chasing down a lead on Flanery’s assistant.”