Nikki Benjamin - Rookie Cop

“He’s probably hungry again,” Megan said by way of explanation. “There’s a bottle of formula in the diaper bag. Would you run it under some hot water for me for a minute?”

“Sure thing.”

Glad to have a task that not only took his mind off the past, but also grounded him firmly in the present, Jake hurried out of his office. He asked one of the young officers to call Children’s Protective Services for him and request that a social worker be sent to the police station at once. Then he walked back to the stroller, found the bottle of formula in the diaper bag and headed for the station’s small kitchen. Along the way, he paused to ask Darcy to wheel the stroller back to his office just in case the baby also needed a change of diaper.

By the time he made his way back to his office, warm bottle in hand, the baby’s cries had increased in volume. Megan paced the narrow space in front of his desk, patting the infant’s back and murmuring words of reassurance while Darcy looked on sympathetically from the doorway.

“Phone’s ringing,” Jake said, shooting her a reproving look as he walked past her.

“I’d better answer it, then.” Obviously regretting what she would be missing, Darcy backed out of the office and headed for her desk.

Taking the bottle Jake held out to her, Megan spared him a grateful glance, then sank into her chair again, shifted the baby in her arms and offered him the bottle. He quieted immediately, latching onto the nipple and sucking greedily.

As he hovered just inside the doorway, Jake was hit yet again by a twist of pain deep in his gut. Watching Megan, her attention focused solely on the baby, brought back even more memories he couldn’t bear to face. The longing in his former wife’s eyes, the tender curve of her lips, the whisper-soft nonsense she spoke to the child in her arms had him turning on his heel and walking away, hands clenched at his sides.

He wasn’t sure which was harder to quell—the urge to rage at the heavens or the urge to sob his heart out. Somehow he made it back to the tiny kitchen without doing either. Somehow he filled a paper cup with water and gulped it down. Somehow he managed to breathe again, and to wipe away the lone tear trickling down his cheek before Darcy bustled in to tell him that Alice Radford from CPS had arrived.

Though she had most of her attention focused on Matthew as he nursed greedily from the bottle, Megan was aware of the exact moment when Jake left her alone in his office. She also had a pretty good idea of why he had fled in such an obvious hurry.

She’d seen the anguish in his eyes when she first met his gaze, and she had known then that she wasn’t the only one doing battle with painful memories—memories stirred by the sweet baby she held in her arms. And they were both dealing with those memories in the same way they had dealt with the reality of Will’s death.

She had faced her sorrow squarely while doing, on her own, what needed to be done. And Jake, obviously unable to admit to face the depth of his pain, had gone off to immerse himself in his work.

Megan wasn’t surprised by his sudden desertion. After all, he was only behaving true to form. She would have been foolish to expect anything else of him. As for her disappointment, that was of her own making. She shouldn’t have allowed herself to entertain even the slightest illusion that Jake would grieve with her over the memory of their young son any more than he had grieved with her over Will’s death.

But seeing him again, up close and personal—looking fit and trim in khaki pants and a white shirt, sleeves rolled to his elbows, his dark, shaggy hair softening his hawkish features, his brown-eyed gaze warm and direct—had stirred a longing in her for days past. A longing that had brought with it memories of all the hopes and dreams of happily ever after she had so staunchly set aside when she’d left him two years ago.

Over and over again as Megan had answered Jake’s questions about the baby, she’d had to remind herself that she’d come to him on Matthew’s behalf, not her own, and then only because she trusted him to do his job, nothing more.

She didn’t dare allow herself to think anything else. Nor could she allow her heart to soften toward him even the tiniest bit. She would end up being hurt all over again, and that she could definitely do without.

Aware that Matthew was watching her with his big blue eyes as he finished the last of the formula in the bottle, Megan smiled down at him. She should be enjoying what time she had with him instead of letting thoughts of Jake get her down. He was such a good baby and he seemed so content. He didn’t fuss at all when she set the bottle aside, shifted him to her shoulder and gently patted his back.

Will had been a good baby, too, she remembered. Such a good, good baby—

“Well, what have we here?”

Drawn from her reverie by the sound of a familiar feminine voice coming from Jake’s office doorway, Megan glanced over her shoulder. The baby lifted his head, too, obviously curious, and let loose a gurgling burp.

“Hello, Alice,” Megan said, smiling at the social worker she had first met several months ago. “It’s good to see you again.”

“It’s good to see you again, too, Megan.” Alice Radford returned her smile as she stepped into the office and set her briefcase on Jake’s desk. Though dressed conservatively in tailored black pants and a black-and-white striped shirt, she wore her iron gray hair cut short and spiked with mousse. And she fairly bristled with energy as she added, “Very good, under the circumstances.”

“You two know each other?” Jake asked as he paused just inside the doorway.

“Oh, yes,” Alice answered, her gaze settling intently on the baby. “Meg completed CPS’s training program for prospective foster parents just three weeks ago, and a good thing, too.”

From the corner of her eye, Megan saw Jake glance her way, a frown creasing his forehead. She only had a moment to wonder what he must be thinking. Then Alice demanded her full attention again as she held out her hands for the baby.

“Jake filled me in on the details of how you ended up with this little guy. And you have no idea at all who the mother might be?”

“None,” Megan replied, experiencing an odd mixture of reluctance and relief as Alice took Matthew from her.

He wasn’t her baby, but in the all-too-short time she had cared for him since she’d found him on her front porch, he had wiggled his way into her heart. For whatever reason, he had been entrusted to her care. Even with Alice ready to take over for her, she couldn’t quite set aside the feeling that she was still responsible for his well-being.

Not that the social worker was being anything but gentle as she looked Matthew over with a practiced eye. And she would make absolutely sure that he was placed with a kind and loving foster family.

“He seems healthy enough, and he doesn’t appear to be neglected in any way,” Alice stated. “No signs of physical abuse, either—at least none that I can see.”

“None that I could see, either,” Megan agreed.

“We’ll have to stop by the hospital with him and let one of the staff pediatricians give him a thorough checkup just to be sure. Then we can stop by my office, fill out the necessary paperwork, and he’s yours.”

Alice held the baby out to Megan and she took him without hesitation. When the social worker’s last words sank in, however, she stared at the woman, unable to hide her dismay.

“Mine?” she asked, her voice high and tight.

“You’re fully qualified to foster young Matthew,” Alice assured her, waving a dismissive hand.

Megan wasn’t heartened in the least by the social worker’s statement. Granted, she had gone through the foster parenting program offered by the county, but only so she could provide a home for older children, especially siblings who might be separated otherwise. A home similar to the one where she’d been placed in Serenity after her parents had been killed.