‘Nothing did. You had enough to deal with after the earthquake. I was not going to add to your distress.’
‘That should’ve been my choice to make.’
Regret bit into his features. ‘I told you, when it comes to you I seem to specialize in making bad situations worse.’
Her daughter—her precious baby girl—had a condition she’d never even known about. A deep shudder wracked her body. She tried to still her trembling but it got worse. A quick glance showed Cesare was caught in his own personal hell.
‘Umm...the Apocalypse thing...I didn’t mean it,’ she muttered through stiff lips.
He gave a raw, pained laugh. ‘But you were right.’ He lifted a hand as if to touch her, then dropped it back down. ‘Roberto shut himself off in Switzerland because of me. He suffered...alone for a long time because I didn’t know how to reach him.’
Ava sucked in a breath. ‘No. He shut himself off because he lost the love of his life, and decided to deal with it his way,’ she said but Cesare wasn’t listening.
‘I keep thinking if I hadn’t met Valentina in New York, hadn’t given her a job, Roberto would’ve known some happiness...had the family he wanted.’
‘Unless you have a direct dial to Fate, I think you can let go of that one. Some things you can control but sometimes things just happen.’
‘The earthquake—’
‘Just happened.’
‘Dio, Ava, our daughter shouldn’t have been there in the first place. You saw that marketplace in Bali. How could I not think she had been taken from us as payback for what I did to my brother?’
‘You can choose to live in guilt for the rest of your life or you can choose to believe that ultimately you weren’t responsible for Roberto. Even though you weren’t close, you tried to look out for him. You took the woman he loved under your wing and tried to help, even when he blamed you for what happened in New York. I think you need to give yourself a break for that.’
He digested that for a while but, even though the pain in his face abated a little, his eyes remained haunted.
‘As for Annabelle, she wasn’t taken from us. We found her,’ she added.
Another harsh laugh. ‘Yeah, we did. And look what I’ve delivered to her fragile life. You have to face the fact that I’m bad for you, I have been since the moment we met. But...’ He shoved a hand through his hair.
‘But...? You’re going to walk away again?’
‘No!’ He lifted his gaze, and Ava’s heart stopped at the gut-wrenching bleakness in his eyes. ‘I can’t. Annabelle is my flesh and blood, the most important thing in my life.’
Ava’s gut tightened until she couldn’t breathe. ‘And since I’ve made us a package deal you’re stuck with me too, right?’
‘I didn’t say that—’ He surged up beside her as she stood. ‘Where are you going?’
She shoved a hand through her hair, unable to stop the terror churning through her belly. ‘I can’t stay here—’
‘You can’t leave!’ He grabbed her arms. ‘We haven’t finished talking.’
‘Why? Is there another bombshell you’re going to hit me with?’
‘No, but we need to discuss what happens next and I—’
‘I...need some air. I have to think.’ His grip tightened. ‘Let me go.’
‘Ava, please. Stay.’
Her breath snagged in her lungs. ‘Why?’ Her question was soft because of the tears clogging her throat and because she didn’t dare to give life to the vain hope flaring inside. ‘Why do you want me to stay?’
Silence greeted her question. Then, ‘Because you are my wife. I made a vow to protect you and I believed I was doing the right thing by not burdening you with Roberto’s news.’
Pain ignited inside her. She barely managed to remain standing, so strong was the grief that wracked her. ‘You took other vows, too, Cesare. Or have you forgotten?’ The words scraped her throat.
‘They weren’t as important as your protection.’ An unfamiliar note altered his tone. Her heart hammered as she tried to read his expression. But his face remained inscrutable, his eyes a cool, impenetrable wall as he returned her stare.
‘No. I suppose to you they weren’t.’ Unable to withstand his gaze, she turned away. He didn’t stop her walking away.
All through her shower she felt numb. A part of her wanted to get into the first taxi, go and grab her daughter and hug her close. The other, more rational part of her knew she had to get her emotions under control before Annabelle returned. For her daughter’s sake, she knew the latter decision was best.
Dressed in white linen trousers and an aqua silk-trimmed cotton top, she caught her hair up in a bun and slipped the camera strap over her head.
When she entered the living room, Cesare stood exactly where she’d left him, but the tiny espresso cup in his hand showed he’d busied himself with other things. His face was devoid of expression as he gulped it in one smooth swallow, set the cup down and came towards her.
Ava backed away. ‘I...what time are your parents bringing Annabelle back?’
‘After lunch, but we can make it sooner or later. Just say the word.’
She shook her head. ‘After lunch is fine. I...I’ll make sure I’m back by then.’ She headed for the door, and stopped when he fell into step beside her.
‘What are you doing?’ she demanded.
‘I’m coming with you.’
‘No, you’re not. I told you, I need some air.’
‘There’s enough air out there for both of us, I’m sure.’
‘I meant alone.’
‘Out of the question. You’re reeling from the news I’ve laid at your feet. I recognize that, as the person who’s caused you pain, I’m the last person you want around you, but you’re my responsibility nonetheless.’
‘What? Suddenly your security detail isn’t up to the job?’
‘Why delegate when I’m in the position to do a better job?’
‘Now you choose to play the attentive husband?’
His jaw tightened. ‘I married you. I brought this chaos to your doorstep. And I’m damned if I’m going to abandon you now to deal with it alone. We deal with it together. And call me selfish, Ava, but I’m hoping staying with you will earn me your forgiveness quicker. And, who knows, if I manage to save you from being hit on by a mercenary local, then I may even gain some Brownie points.’
Her hand tightened around the camera. Looking at him, at the visible distress in his face, made the tightness in her chest loosen a little. ‘It’s not going to be that easy, Cesare. To be honest, I don’t even know what I’m feeling right now.’
He nodded. ‘Then we won’t talk. Just walk, sì?’ He moved past her and held the door open.
With a sigh, she went through it and waited while he called up the lift.
They walked for an hour without speaking, heading west instead of east where most of the popular Roman landmarks were located. Ava concentrated on documenting the local life.
But, even lost in the one thing she loved to do most aside from being a mother, she was hyper-aware of Cesare’s pain-ravaged presence beside her. The part of her that acknowledged he must be reeling wanted to offer comfort. But her own shock was too great to process.
He might have suggested they wouldn’t talk but she soon realised he had no intention of keeping his hands to himself—a hand in the small of her back to guide her across the street; around her waist to steer her clear of a group of excited tourists or a careless scooter, or a touch on her shoulder to draw her attention to a statue or a fresco he thought she might be interested in.
When the sun rose higher, he led her to a small local shop and bought her a wide straw hat, sun cream and a bottle of water.
Her breath caught as he squeezed a dollop of cream onto his fingers and applied it to her arms and face. When she lifted questioning eyes to his, his merely responded—I don’t want you to burn.
Читать дальше