Tuhin Sinha - Daddy

I’ve noticed that when I’m pushed into a corner, I usually come out stronger and more determined. In keeping with that trait, I wanted to have a baby quickly to get the better of my astrological fate. Roughly a year into our marriage, we started trying. It took a year before we got the good news. Eight months later, Tanish came into our life. In hindsight, I had put undue pressure on Ramyani without realising I was being unfair to her. She believed that if something was destined for her, she’d get it against all odds. And being a mother was one of them.

At times I envy people who fall in love early and get married in their mid or late 20s. Such couples get a larger window to make the best out of their married lives before planning a baby. My brother Tanmay, a corporate lawyer with one of the world’s largest venture capital funds, got married when he was 27. Both he and his wife are the same age. “We wanted to spend the first few years slogging it out in our careers and travelling around the world. It was only after three-and-half years of marriage that we gave a serious thought to having a baby,” he says. Tanmay and his wife Lopa are expecting their first baby in December 2014.

If you settle down post 30, women are in constant fear of that fast-ticking fertility clock. That could leave them no choice but to have a child soon after marriage. That apart, nobody likes to be an old mom or dad. The other advantage of having your first child early is that it buys you more time to plan a second one. Given that both Ramyani and I were on the wrong side of 30 when we got married, we didn’t want to wait for too long before we started trying. My good friend Abhishek Srivastava, an associate professor at IIT Indore, got married at 35 and became a father before his first anniversary.

Before you decide to get into parenthood, it is becoming increasingly important to consider a few factors.

Start counting your pennies

Having a baby is expensive, so make sure your finances are in place before moving ahead. If you’re used to living on a double income, keep in mind that your wife is entitled to a paid maternity leave for only 3 months. After that you’re on your own. A freelancer friend panicked when his wife had to suddenly quit her job in her third month due to a medical complication. Burdened with mounting costs, he took on more work than he could handle. It came as no surprise when he messed up most of it. Ultimately, with just a month to go for the baby’s arrival he had to take up a full-time job.

Your expenses start going up way before the child is born. It helps to be aware of the additional costs incurred during pregnancy months. Doctor’s consultation, medical tests, ultrasounds, maternity wear, etc will cost you at least Rs 15,000 (there is no upper limit). At the time of delivery, a decent hospital in a metro city charges upwards of Rs 50,000 for a normal delivery and upwards of Rs 80,000 for a C-section (again, there is no upper limit). Immediately after the baby’s birth, you will be required to spend on formula milk, diapers, the paediatrician’s fees and immunization.

In recent years, medical insurance policies have begun to cover pregnancy expenses up to a specified limit, subject to terms and conditions. If you plan your pregnancy well in advance, you can avail of this. It also helps if you can get all pending loans and debts out of the way before the baby arrives.

Professional Considerations

Having a child impacts the mother’s career greatly, so it makes matters easier if she is professionally well-settled. If she’s been with the same company for long, she can demand perks like a work-from-home option, flexible hours and an extended maternity leave.

During the pregnancy months and even after the baby’s arrival, the distance from the mother’s workplace to home assumes crucial importance. We lucked out in this regard. Around the time we were trying to conceive, Ramyani found a job where her office was a mere 300 metres from home. This was a huge blessing. It not only afforded her the luxury of working till 10 days before her expected due date but also meant she could take a shorter maternity break.

Happy parents make happy babies

A couple should be emotionally in sync and have a deep understanding of each other’s temperaments before becoming parents. This is especially crucial if you’ve had an arranged marriage or a brief courtship period. In this case you might want to take more time to get to know each other before jumping into anything. For those in a troubled marriage, it’s best to hold off on baby plans till you sort out differences. You can’t raise a child if you’re not on the same page with your partner. I know of cases where couples have had kids to save the marriage. This is not a wise option. Chances are that it will backfire, and that too on the unsuspecting child.

Once your wife’s pregnancy is confirmed, the very first call that the expecting couple has to take is picking the right doctor and hospital. Many couples tend to delay this decision. Often the absence of complications in the initial weeks makes them take things easy. But this is where you need to be vigilant. A potentially life-threatening condition known as tube pregnancy or ectopic pregnancy, wherein a fertilized egg settles and grows in the fallopian tube instead of the inner lining of the uterus can sometimes show no symptoms. Often it creeps up on you only during an ultrasound. Therefore the first ultrasound should not be delayed beyond 5-6 weeks.

Ideally you should check in with a doctor the moment you know there is a baby on the way. I also suggest you register yourself on www.babycenter.in from the word go. The weekly mailers provide you the most comprehensive and up-to-date information on the progress of your wife’s pregnancy. These mailers continue well after your baby is born.

Before zeroing in on a doctor and hospital, speak to your friends who have already been through this process. It is safer to opt for a doctor that comes highly recommended by friends or people whose opinion you trust. It could be that the hospital they suggest doesn’t suit your budget or that the doctor’s chamber is far off. In that case, keep a second and third option handy.

When it comes to deciding on the hospital for the delivery, every couple has their own priorities. Some prefer smaller, more economical hospitals that have all the facilities in place but may not be counted among the most reputed brands. Others may feel safer to go for a more well-known brand, even if it is a little out of the way. One of my screenwriter friends in Mumbai, Shobhit Jaiswal, had his wife check into Kokilaben Hospital in Mumbai, one the biggest in the city, the moment he realised there would be complications leading up to the birth. The hospital was nearly 12 kms away from where they lived but the reassurance of a reliable brand made them feel more secure.

From my personal experience, I would suggest factoring in a well-equipped Neo Natal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) unit while making your decision. I ended up paying a heavy price for overlooking this seemingly small thing. But more on that in a later chapter.