Natália Gomes - We Are Not Okay

NATÁLIA GOMEShas an MLitt in Scottish Literature & Creative Writing and an MEd in Education. Inspired by her experiences as a special education coordinator in a public school district in the US, Natália started writing fiction with a focus on mental health among young adults. Her debut novel Dear Charlie is endorsed by Amnesty International and was longlisted for the 2018 International Dublin Literary Award.

Natália currently lives in Scotland with her chocolate labrador Charlie, and is completing a PhD in English Studies.

If you want to get in touch, follow Natália on Twitter @nd_gomes and on Instagram @ndgomes

Copyright Copyright Dedication SOPHIA LUCY ULANA TRINA SOPHIA LUCY ULANA TRINA SOPHIA LUCY ULANA TRINA SOPHIA LUCY ULANA TRINA SOPHIA LUCY ULANA TRINA SOPHIA LUCY ULANA TRINA SOPHIA LUCY ULANA TRINA SOPHIA LUCY ULANA TRINA SOPHIA LUCY ULANA TRINA LUCY ULANA TRINA Acknowledgements About the Publisher

An imprint of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF

First published in Great Britain by HQ in 2019

Copyright © Natália Gomes 2019

Natália Gomes asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

Ebook Edition © May 2019 ISBN: 9780008291853

This book is dedicated to the numerous campaigns

and charities that challenge us on how we think

and speak about sexual violence and bullying.

#WeAreNotOkay Songlist

DAUGHTER–Youth

CIVIL WARS & TAYLOR SWIFT–Safe & Sound

JOY WILLIAMS–Don’t Let Me Down

GABRIELLE APLIN–Please Don’t Say You Love Me

PHOEBE BRIDGERS–Georgia

FOXES–Devil Side

CHVRCHES–The Mother We Share

STAVES–Make it Holy

BROODS–Worth the Fight

LANA DEL REY–Love

PHOEBE BRIDGERS–Smoke Signals

JAPANESE HOUSE–Face Like Thunder

LORDE–Yellow Flicker Beat

DAUGHTER–Home

BIRDY–Wild Horses

PHOEBE BRIDGERS–Motion Sickness

BROODS–Heartlines

THE WIND AND THE WAVE–It’s a Longer Road to California Than I Thought

SMITH & THELL–Statues

BIRDY–Wings

Contents

Cover

About the Author NATÁLIA GOMES has an MLitt in Scottish Literature & Creative Writing and an MEd in Education. Inspired by her experiences as a special education coordinator in a public school district in the US, Natália started writing fiction with a focus on mental health among young adults. Her debut novel Dear Charlie is endorsed by Amnesty International and was longlisted for the 2018 International Dublin Literary Award. Natália currently lives in Scotland with her chocolate labrador Charlie, and is completing a PhD in English Studies. If you want to get in touch, follow Natália on Twitter @nd_gomes and on Instagram @ndgomes

Title Page

Copyright Copyright Copyright Dedication SOPHIA LUCY ULANA TRINA SOPHIA LUCY ULANA TRINA SOPHIA LUCY ULANA TRINA SOPHIA LUCY ULANA TRINA SOPHIA LUCY ULANA TRINA SOPHIA LUCY ULANA TRINA SOPHIA LUCY ULANA TRINA SOPHIA LUCY ULANA TRINA SOPHIA LUCY ULANA TRINA LUCY ULANA TRINA Acknowledgements About the Publisher An imprint of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF First published in Great Britain by HQ in 2019 Copyright © Natália Gomes 2019 Natália Gomes asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work. A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library. This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins. Ebook Edition © May 2019 ISBN: 9780008291853

Dedication This book is dedicated to the numerous campaigns and charities that challenge us on how we think and speak about sexual violence and bullying.

SOPHIA

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Acknowledgements

About the Publisher

SOPHIA

His fingers graze my lips. Inside I explode.

His hand reaches behind my neck and scoops a handful of my hair. Tipping my head back slightly, he kisses my neck.

I grip the edge of the bed, clutching a handful of the floral quilt cover. My other hand slides up his torso, over his navy T-shirt, and up to his head. I pull him in closer and feel a churning in my belly. When his lips find mine again, the butterflies disappear.

Everything about him is familiar but new at the same time.

He brushes a stray strand off my face and loops it between his fingers.

I don’t know where his other hand is until I feel it on the belt loop of my jeans, then it’s on my stomach.

My body lurches. I don’t like his hand there. He must feel that loose saggy skin around my middle, the curve of my belly after a big meal, the fat.

I scoot my body to the side, away from his hand.

‘Are you OK?’ he whispers.

If I draw attention to it then he’ll be thinking about it, like me. I’ll be unattractive to him. Disgusting. So I just nod and then pull him in again so he forgets what just happened.

He presses harder against my lips, then slides his hand back over my stomach but this time he moves it before I have a chance to. He’s moving it upwards though and now it’s at the edge of the cardigan around my shoulders. He shimmies it off my shoulder and I shift my weight slightly to let him bring it down around my elbows. My green vest with the lace scalloped trim is exposed. It’s really a PJ top – well, one half of a shorts set from Next that I got for my birthday one year. It’s not supposed to be a top. He’s not supposed to see it. But he is. And I’m letting him.