Rula Sinara - After the Silence

Not at home .

“I really need to use the restroom, if you don’t mind,” she said, slipping the tote handles off her shoulder.

“First door on your left is a powder room,” Ben said.

“Nice meeting you, Hope,” Nina called as Ben followed her out the front door. As the door closed, Hope overheard her telling Ben that she was hurt that he wouldn’t be needing her anymore. Clearly there were undercurrents here she hadn’t anticipated.

But all she cared about right now was peeing.

* * *

BEN LOCKED THE door behind him, rubbed his face with his hands, then exhaled. Why did he let everything Nina did or said get to him? He toed off his sneakers and turned. Hope was staring at him. For the next three months, the only place he could be alone in his house was going to be his bedroom.

“I, um, don’t know what you’d like me to do,” she said.

“Oh.” He patted his jeans. What did he need her to do? He’d never had a houseguest or a live-in anything. Granted, he’d spent most of his married life deployed. “You probably want to settle in, right? Or are you hungry?” He was starving as if there was no tomorrow. No way soup was going to cut it for him. The mere thought of vegetable soup annoyed him. It was the way Nina had said it. As if he was to blame for Chad being plugged up and Maddie not feeling well. As if he fed them takeout three meals a day. They were veggie pizzas, for crying out loud. A complete meal. He’d eaten his fair share of restaurant leftovers growing up and he was doing just fine. Then again, maybe it was a good thing there was healthy soup to offer Hope. Her being in medicine and all.

“I’m famished,” she said. “I’d love a shower, too, whenever you are all done with the bathroom.”

“Let me check on the kids real quick. If my daughter isn’t using it, it’s yours. I have my own in my room.” He glanced around the place, from living room to kitchen. “Sit wherever you like. I’ll be right back.”

Ben hurried down the hall. Things might not feel so weird if the kids came out. Buffers. He could hear Maddie still puttering in the bathroom at the end of the hall. He cracked open Ryan’s door. Sound asleep, but the telltale gurgling sound of congestion wasn’t good. Please get through the night, buddy .

“Chad?” He crossed the hall and pushed open Chad’s door. The kid had a slightly bigger room than Ryan and Maddie, but Maddie liked the way hers overlooked the backyard and had a window seat. It made sense to set up the inflatable bed in Chad’s room for that reason. Plus, he wasn’t sure how Maddie would take to a stranger in her room, and nights would get awkward if he went in to check on Ryan and Hope was sleeping there. This way, maybe they could alternate night calls if Ryan was teething or had another ear infection. But even with its extra room, he couldn’t see how those two suitcases were going to fit. He hadn’t even thought about emptying a few of Chad’s dresser drawers, but maybe tomorrow he’d clear the top two that Chad couldn’t get into.

“Daddy!” Chad leaped up from zooming cars along the inflated mattress set in a corner of the room. He hugged Ben’s leg. “I want to sleep on that tonight.”

“Sorry, bud, but remember what I told you about having a visitor? She won’t be able to fit in your car bed.”

“But I like this one,” he said, throwing himself on it and spreading his arms and legs.

“Come say hi. We’ll talk about this later.”

“But—”

“Now, Chad. You can have a snack if you’re still hungry. Come on.”

Chad rolled off the bed and stomped past Ben. Hope was sitting at the breakfast table, digging in her bag.

“Hope, this is Chad.” Good luck with him .

“Hi, Chad,” she said, beaming. She set her bag aside. “How old are you?”

Chad twisted his body around Ben’s right leg and then looped around the left in a figure-eight. Ben picked him up and set him on his feet.

“Say hello to Miss Hope.”

“Hello, Miss Hope. Could you sweep on my car bed?”

Hope kept smiling but gave Ben an inquisitive look.

“I don’t have a guest room. There’s an inflated mattress in Chad’s room he’s taken to. The novelty will wear off soon. I’m sorry it’s not a real bed.”

“It’s no problem.” She leaned her arms on her lap and brought her face closer to Chad’s level. “I think your bed is special just for you, but I don’t mind if you want to take naps on mine in the afternoons.”

“Good luck with that.” Ben chuckled. Her smile widened. She had a really nice smile.

“Are you living with us because my mommy’s body broke?” Chad asked.

Ben’s chest cramped. Hope’s smile faded, and the corners of her eyes creased in sympathy.

“I’m only visiting for a while and helping out because everyone who lives in a house should help out. Right?” Chad grimaced. If she got him to nap and help out more with his own cleanup, she’d be a miracle worker, Ben thought. “And then I’ll go back to my home on the other side of the world,” she said.

Ben nodded and knelt down by Chad. He appreciated that Hope had set the stage, making sure his son knew she’d be leaving. In a planned way. Not unexpected, the way their mom left. The idea of his kids actually getting attached to her hadn’t crossed his mind when her visit was arranged. It was just a few months. But what if they did grow to like her and then lost her? He cursed to himself. Given the new situation, he realized that he really did need to find a new therapist for Maddie.

“Is that where my mommy is? Are you going to trade places again, so my mommy will come back from the other side of the world?”

Hope pressed her fingers against her lips, and her eyes glistened.

“I’m sorry. I said the wrong thing,” she said, shaking her head at Ben.

“No, it’s not you,” he said. God knew, Chad had a way of turning anything Ben said upside down, inside out and backward. He’d been told and had read on the internet about how kids Chad’s age and younger perceived death. How literal they were about everything. Chad often asked when Zoe would be coming back, a question that upset Maddie every time. Ben had started keeping a doorknob pick on his dresser after she began locking her bedroom door when Chad wouldn’t stop asking about their mom.

He ruffled Chad’s hair.

“Hey, buddy. Remember that I told you mommy’s not coming back? She’s not on the other side of the world. She died and went to heaven.”

Chad’s shoulders rose and sank. “Okay. Can I have some pizza? Grandma said it would conti-paste me, even if I pooed the size of a dinosaur when you were gone.”

“Then, I’d say you earned a piece. Grab a seat. You can have a slice, then it’s bedtime.”

Hope’s lips parted as Chad climbed onto the chair next to hers. She was either speechless at how fast Chad switched gears or afraid to say anything more to the kid.

“Let me help you with the pizza,” she said.

“I’m assuming you’d prefer hot soup. Especially after freezing out there. Nina is a great cook. I’m sure it’s excellent. And healthy. So don’t let the fact that we’re eating pizza sway you,” he said, pulling two pizza boxes out of the fridge. He didn’t mind cold pizza for breakfast, but this was dinner. He wanted them hot. He opened a cabinet and grabbed a microwaveable dish.

“My parents always insist on home cooking. It’s probably why I suffer from fast-food rebellion. And for the first time, my parents are too far to hover.” Hope stood at the end of the counter, sucking in her lower lip and gazing at the slices he was placing on a dish.

“You want pizza?” he asked. She was around twenty-five, wasn’t she? And her parents still hovered? His mom had never had time to hover, though he imagined that Zoe’s parents probably had.