Justine Davis - Operation Unleashed

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Drew was thankful Alyssa didn’t seem inclined to fight with him. Maybe she was just so thankful Luke was home safe, thankful that they’d dodged a large bullet, that her relief made her more forgiving. Or maybe, as he had, she’d just learned the futility of it. All they did was go round and round in the same old rut, digging it deeper and deeper with each circuit.

More likely she just felt like he did, now that the adrenaline that had spiked when she’d called to tell him Luke was missing had begun to ebb. The thought of Luke out there, alone, lost and maybe scared, had knifed at him. That it was probably his fault had only driven that knife deeper.

He paced the living room, seeing nothing of the familiar surroundings. He’d built this house for them, done much of the labor himself, but it all meant nothing. None of his success, his work at building the business his grandfather had begun, of hanging on to it through the toughest times, and now building it again, meant anything next to the biggest job he’d ever taken on.

He worked hard at being a father. Harder than at anything in his life. It wasn’t in his nature the way it seemed to be in Alyssa’s. She was automatically loving and understanding and generous—too generous in some cases—by nature. And it was that generosity that got them into trouble. Or more accurately, his reaction to it. Because that generosity made her excuse Doug even after what he’d done. And that clawed at something buried deep inside him. Made him, to his shame, lash out every once in a while.

And if he sometimes wished for a little more of that generous understanding for himself, well, that was his problem. She’d agreed to this arrangement for Luke’s sake, because at the time she’d had little choice. She wasn’t the one who was now chafing under the terms.

She hadn’t asked him to fall in love with her.

She still loves Doug, he reminded himself. For all his sins, she still loves him, and probably always will. It didn’t matter that he didn’t understand it, didn’t understand what she’d seen in his brother that had made her willing to throw her life away for him.

He’d long ago admitted he knew what Doug had seen in her, although he had his doubts whether his feckless little brother had seen the real woman behind the sweet face and the big, innocent blue eyes. In his more sour moments he suspected it was that innocence that had drawn Doug; it took a certain amount of innocence to be taken in by his act.

And there he was again, striking out even in his mind. Doug was dead—and hating him for what he’d done was pointless.

“We did this.”

Her voice was soft, almost a whisper from behind him. He spun around. She’d gone up with Luke to get him warm and dry, and set him up with his current favorite book. He was already reading well for his age, on to third-grade level readers, and Drew knew that was thanks to Alyssa. Not only had she read to him regularly, she’d made up a game where she’d written simple words on cards and hidden them around the room in reachable places for a child. Then she’d sent Luke off on a treasure hunt, making him tell her what words he’d found. At first Drew had thought it kind of silly, but when he’d seen the results—and heard Luke’s proud crowing when he got one right—he’d quickly changed his mind.

“Yes,” he said, his voice nearly as quiet as hers. “We did.”

“It has to stop, Drew.”

“Yes.”

“What can I do to make that easier?”

God, he hated this. She was being so reasonable, so understanding. And he felt like a fool because the only answer he had was “Stop loving my brother.”

“I’m not Luke,” he said, not quite snapping. “Don’t treat me like a six-year-old.”

“Luke,” she said sweetly, “is leaving temper tantrums behind.”

He drew back sharply. Opened his mouth, ready to truly snap this time. And stopped.

“Okay,” he said after a moment, “I had that one coming.”

“Yes.”

In an odd way, her dig pleased him. Not because it was accurate, he sheepishly admitted, but because she felt confident enough to do it. She’d been so weak, sick and scared when he’d found her four years ago, going toe to toe with him like this would have been impossible. But she was strong now, poised and self-assured. And he took a tiny bit of credit for that. She’d done the hard work. Once she’d gotten well she’d pulled herself up and found her way, but he’d given her the means, and the protection she’d needed to get it done.

“You’ve come a long way,” he said quietly.

“Because I don’t cower anymore?”

He frowned. “I never made you cower.”

For an instant she looked startled. “I never said you did.”

She crossed her arms and began to move, pacing almost the same track he had taken around the living room.

“You saved us, Drew, don’t think I don’t know that, or will ever forget it. I have come a long way, and it’s in large part because you made it possible.”

It was a pretty little speech, a sentiment she’d expressed more than once. And not so long ago it had been enough. More than enough. It had told him he’d done exactly what he’d intended. That he’d accomplished his goal. That she was stable now, strong, and he’d had a hand in that.

And it wasn’t her fault that wasn’t enough for him anymore.

“That’s what we dull, boring rocks do,” he said, using his brother’s terminology. Doug had always insisted it was a joke, but Drew had always known there was a certain amount of venom behind it. His insisting it was a joke just made Drew look touchy if he took offense. Doug had that little game down to a science.

Alyssa turned then. “There’s a lot to be said for being the rock of the family.”

Yes, she had come a long way. There was a time when she’d meant it just as Doug had, but no more. He had to give her that.

“Is there?” he asked.

“Yes. We’ve been safe, thanks to you. Back then I didn’t appreciate how important feeling safe and steady was. Now I do.”

He supposed that was something.

For a moment she just looked at him. One hand stole up to push her hair behind her right ear. She’d gotten it cut recently. He’d thought he would miss the long waves of golden blonde, but he liked this smooth shape, how it swept forward onto her cheeks, making her eyes look even bigger and bluer. He’d wondered what was behind the radical change, but had been wary to ask. Their relationship was such a minefield sometimes. She too often took a simple question as a criticism, when he never meant it that way.

But when you practically force somebody to marry you, you took what you got, he supposed.

“Thank you,” he finally said. That had to be safe enough, didn’t it?

“Thank you,” she said, “for not blaming me.”

His brows lowered in puzzlement. “Blaming you for what?”

“Luke slipping away.”

He drew back slightly. “It wasn’t your fault. He’s a smart kid, he knew when to sneak out.”

“Which brings us back to why he did it.”

Drew let out a compressed breath. “Okay. I get it. It was my fault.”

“I’m not saying that.”

“Then what are you saying?”

“I’m saying I appreciate that you don’t hold your feelings about your brother against Luke.”

“Appreciate?” What an insipid, bloodless word that suddenly seemed. “I love him like he was my own.”

“I know that,” Alyssa said in that patient way of hers that worked wonders with Luke but tended to spark his temper. “I know you love him completely. But Luke needs to know his father loved him, too.”

“His father didn’t even stick around to know him.”

“That wasn’t by his choice, Drew. You know that.”