Rachel Dove - The Long Walk Back

Trevor stared at her, his anger evident in his expression. ‘Exactly. You would. That would be your choice, too. The fact is Kate, he is a grown man, an army man, he knew what he wanted and you listened and still chose to ignore him. It is exactly that – his life, not yours. What you would do in his shoes is irrelevant, and you know it.’ Trevor winced at his own choice of words, but said nothing. He looked tired, and Kate realised that had they not been such good friends, she would already be relieved of duty and on the next plane home.

She nodded at him, accepting his words and looking down at the floor. She turned to leave when her phone rang. Seeing her husband’s name flash up on her screen, she looked at Trevor. ‘It’s Neil.’

He waved her away. ‘I will speak to you later, but Kate, I’m disappointed. I taught you better than this.’

His words hit her like a bullet to the heart, and she flinched. She didn’t trust herself not to cry, so she kept her mouth shut, hitting the answer button on her phone.

‘What?’ She shouted down the phone. Neil’s voice sprang back just as angry. Great, now she had annoyed him. She had pushed her mood straight down his throat, when they were meant to be figuring things out. She walked towards her bed, wishing that the day was over already.

CHAPTER SIX

Abby came into the small office area off the ward, to see Kate surrounded by various charts and files.

‘He got you doing paperwork? I swear, he’s in such a rotten mood today.’ Kate smiled at her friend, standing up from her position sprawled out on the hard canvas covered floor and stretching out her aching limbs.

‘Yep, it’s my punishment, and I am afraid the bad mood is probably down to me too. I’m really sorry that I put you all in that position. It was my choice, you shouldn’t have to suffer.’

‘I get it Kate, you had the ability to save him, and you didn’t want to let him just slip away like that. I get it. Anyway, it’s done with now. He’s alive. Trevor is more pissed at you than us.’ Abby nodded to the countertop, clicking on the kettle. ‘Coffee?’

Kate looked at the desk next to her, where an assortment of dirty cups littered the surfaces. ‘Sure, one more can’t hurt. I won’t sleep anyway. You might need a mug though.’ She got to work, dumping all the crockery into the sink and washing them. She passed two mugs to Abby, who was busy munching away on a cereal bar like a starving squirrel. ‘How is he?’

Abby snorted. ‘I told you, he has a major bee in his bonnet. He’s making anyone who doesn’t look exhausted already clean everything in sight. I thought one of the soldiers was going to punch him earlier. He didn’t—’

‘No,’ Kate said, moving closer. ‘How is he ?’

Abby’s eyes sparked with recognition. ‘Ooh, HIM!’ She stage whispered the rest. ‘He’s stable, but still out. He’s hopefully going to be weaned off the meds a bit tonight, we’ll see how he feels then. The operation worked though, signs of sepsis are gone.’

Kate felt her heart beat, as though it had taken a misstep. ‘Drain? Any signs of wound infection, tissue necrosis? Urine output?’

Abby took the barrage of questions in her stride. ‘Drain should be out tomorrow, no infection or necrosis. The site looks good Kate, you did a good job. Urine output is low, but he was a little dehydrated from the field anyway. We’re still pushing fluids.’

Kate ran through the knowledge in her head, looking for anything she missed. Abby tapped her on the arm.

‘Kate, you didn’t miss anything. He made it. He will make it. You did good. For what it’s worth.’

Kate didn’t hear the praise. She just thought about what it would take to get to see him before he left. She had to make him understand, even though she wasn’t entirely sure herself what her reasons were. She thought of her conversation with Neil earlier. Yet again he had called to moan about how much he had to do; the washing, Jamie, work. He was mad at her for leaving, though he never said it outright. It just hung in the air between them. He seemed different, more stressed, distracted. She had apologised, as she always did; she apologised for choosing to keep chasing her own career, quenching her own drives while the product of her womb was cared for by another. He was looked after by his own father, who helped make him, but this of course went unsaid, as usual. She often wondered what the world would look like if humans were like seahorses, and the men had to carry babies through to birth. Odds on, it would grind to a shuddering halt.

‘Has he been awake at all?’

Abby shook her head, making the coffees for them both. ‘Nope, thankfully. He needs the rest. Does his family know? I haven’t checked his file yet for contact details.’

Kate shook her head. ‘No, he has no one.’

Abby pursed her lips. ‘Jesus. Well, he had someone to fight for him. If it means anything, I think you were right. I’m sorry I got in your way. You have some balls, Kate Harper.’

Kate took a sip of her own drink, feeling the jolt of caffeine top up her already wired body.

‘Thanks,’ she said, heading back over to the piles of paper she still had to wade through. ‘I hope they both see it that way, eventually.’

Abby went to head out, but Kate’s voice stopped her.

‘Abs, if you get an opportunity, I’d like to see him … if you could turn a blind eye.’

Abby spoke without turning around. ‘Keep your phone on. I’ll text you when the coast is clear, but if he catches you, I wasn’t part of it and I absolutely oppose your decision. I need the reference.’ Kate saluted her.

‘Ten four. I get it, no warpath for Abby. Appreciate it, thanks.’

Abby gave her a fake cheesy grin. ‘Right, time to pretend I am very happy to be working with him today, and everything is sunshine and rainbows!’ She waggled her phone at Kate, before thrusting it back into her zip pocket. ‘Phone.’

Kate nodded and Abby left, leaving her alone with the piles and piles of charting and silent recriminations of her actions and words of the last few days.

***

Kate was back in her bunk, sleeping off the exhaustion and taut limbs that a day full of paperwork and reasoning with Neil in her head had brought on when her phone beeped. She jerked awake, reaching for the handset. Abby had messaged an emoji of a pair of eyes, with the words COAST CLEAR. Kate deleted the text quickly, and sprang from her bed. She shoved a clean pair of scrubs on, dressing quickly and quietly as others slept and relaxed around her. She turned her phone to silent, not wanting it to go off while she was in the medical tent. It was late, and the patients would be sleeping. She entered the tent, and thankfully there was only Abby there. Abby had her back to her, bent over her desk, but she waved her hand towards Cooper’s bed. Plausible deniability. The girl was smart. Kate took a breath and looked around. There were only three patients in the beds, the others having been patched up or medevac’d home. Kate walked over to the Captain’s bed, looking to see if he too was asleep. She neared the foot of the bed, and he turned his head to face her. He had been awake, seemingly staring at the wall. Kate felt a jolt as he looked straight into her eyes. He looked pale and exhausted, his jaw set like a block of stone. The green of his eyes weren’t diminished though, and she had a flashback to the day he came in. The look in them was very different today. There was nothing in them but hate, reflected straight back at her.

Kate stopped walking, looking across at the chair at the side of the bed.

‘Do you mind if I sit?’

He didn’t say anything at first, he just looked at her with those green eyes. He was acting like he was chewing his tongue. She wondered if he was suffering. She took a step closer to the chair.