Rachel Dove - The Long Walk Back

The Captain looked at her again, and she felt a flush creep across her skin as his eyes ran over her body. For a nude man, he had the undressing people with your eyes thing nailed. She was the one who felt naked, exposed in front of him.

‘I know you don’t get it Missy, but this is my life. Without it, there’s not much to stay alive for.’

‘How can you say that?’ Kate said, stunned. ‘It’s a job, not your life. It’s what you do, not who you are. You have a chance to keep living, you should take it. Now.’

Cooper crossed his arms gently, his pale face wincing at the pain of his movements. He was looking sicker and sicker as time passed, and she knew he must feel it.

‘So you’re here for what, a paycheck? That bauble on your finger not float your boat enough? No kiddies to pop out at home, no dinner to make, slippers to fetch? The boy on that roof never even got to grow up. I know about life doc, and I choose not to live with one freakin’ leg.’

Kate’s hand made a fist, and she felt the engagement ring that Neil had given her dig into her palm. ‘How dare you! Being a wife isn’t a job, and you don’t know anything about my life! It’s just a leg, you can survive this! Otherwise, what’s the point?’

‘No!’ Cooper boomed. ‘There is no point! And you don’t know anything about my life either! You see a wedding band, eh Missy? Tell me, if you couldn’t be a doctor, what would you do? How would you spend your life?’

Kate’s mind flashed to an image of Jamie, at home with Neil, the man she had flown to a warzone to get some space from, and she closed her mouth, tensing her jaw.

‘My life is here, I have no plan B!’ Cooper said, slamming his hand into his chest as hard as he could. He coughed violently, gasping audibly at the pain it caused. She went to help instinctively, but he waved her away.

Kate stood there, her body erect, as the pair glared at each other. She thought of his wallet, bearing no pictures of home or family, and wondered if there would be anyone flying a banner for the Captain when he touched down on the tarmac. She pushed the thought away, taking a breath.

‘Maybe if you weren’t such a stubborn jackass, you would think about this some more. The clock is ticking, Captain. Your time’s not up yet.’

He relaxed a little then, offering her a cheeky half-smile as he rested back against his pillows.

‘Jackass eh? Well maybe if you took that stick out of your arse, we could have more cosy chats. I need to sleep now Missy, so do me a favour; leave me alone, okay? Go plump someone else’s pillows.’

Kate scowled at him, her whole body seething at the sound of his nickname for her.

‘With pleasure, Captain Jackass,’ she said, and she walked away, ignoring his lethargic chuckle at her retreating form.

Kate was sleeping in her cot when she was shaken awake by a frantic nurse. ‘Dr Harper, Cooper is crashing.’ Kate jumped from her bed, still fully dressed in her scrubs and raced to the tent with the nurse hot on her heels. ‘How long has he been down?’ she shouted over her shoulder.

‘Less than two minutes, I came straight here.’

‘Where’s Trevor?’ Kate screamed, racing across the dust for the entrance to the tent, ignoring the burn of the sand in her eyes from the dust her frantic feet were kicking up.

‘He’s in surgery, we had another IED casualty come in an hour ago.’

‘Shit,’ Kate said. Racing across to the Captain, she saw doctors and nurses running around. Whipping back the covers, she saw what she had feared and she sent up a curse to the almighty. His infection had taken hold with a vengeance, the discoloured skin now seeping well past Trevor’s pen line.

‘Okay, let’s run the code. Charge to 300.’ Kate grabbed the paddles, hands shaking. ‘Now guys, let’s go, his organs are failing!’

The machine bleeped its readiness. ‘Clear,’ she shouted, shocking the Captain’s chest. She checked the monitor again. ‘No output, charge to 350. Prep for amputation.’ She waited for the sound of the charge, but nothing came. The monitors continued their music, the beeping of a man circling the drain of death. ‘Move, people!’

Nurse Abby looked at Kate. ‘Kate, he refused amputation. He’s been down for three minutes, and unless we amputate, his body will continue to shut down. I think we need to call it.’

Kate stood, paddles in hand, trying to think. ‘Have you called Trevor?’

‘He’s in surgery, he can’t come.’

‘Did he sign the DNR?’ Kate asked frantically, trying to justify the decision she knew she wanted to take. ‘Did he put anything in writing?’

Abby shook her head. ‘No, but he told Trevor. We could wait for him, he’s being told right now.’

Kate looked at the man on the bed, and thought of the boy on the roof. If Cooper died, what would be the point in any of this? Would she want Jamie’s death to mean something, if her child had been on that rooftop? Life was made of split second decisions, and Kate had made enough to know that she would rather choose fast and live with the fallout. The thought of letting him die felt wrong. She just knew that the world still had plans for this soldier, even if he didn’t realise it yet. She would live with her decision,. If the Captain couldn’t deal with it, then that was his choice. He could die, just not today, and not on her watch.

‘Patients change their mind. Do you want to be responsible for a death that could have been prevented? Abby, please – charge!’ Kate looked at the nurse, feeling the sweat drip down her spine inside her scrubs. She was terrified, but she just couldn’t let him go out like this. Her mind was set. Abby looked at her and the others around them, and shaking her head, she clicked a button.

The beeping noise told Kate the unit was charged.

‘Clear!’ she shouted, shocking the Captain again. His body jerked and his eyes fluttered. She looked desperately at the monitor. Nothing. Nothing on the screen but a line, and a beep heralding the call of the end. Nothing, nothing, then a beat, beat, beat. The pixels on the screen danced across, levelling into a pattern. The prettiest pattern Dr Harper had ever seen.

‘We have him back,’ she said, putting the paddles away. ‘Gown me up,’ she ordered.

Abby looked at the other nurses, no one moving. Kate’s eyes whipped around her colleagues. ‘Did you hear me? Let’s get him under, and gown me up!’

Abby shook her head. ‘It’s against patient wishes. It’s one thing bringing him back once, but this … I can’t.’

Kate glared at her. ‘This man ran across a battle zone to save his colleagues. We can’t let him die like this. If you won’t help, then go!’ she screamed.

The staff all looked at each other, and seconds later, the bed was the centre of a whirlwind of medical professionals. ‘I need a bone saw and a ten blade, now.’

Abby nodded, running to the sterile equipment store and grappling for implements with shaky hands. Kate snipped away the bandages, another nurse prepping the surgical field, and a doctor worked on anaesthetising the Captain.

Moments later, someone passed the blade to her. She took a deep breath, looking at Cooper’s unconscious face, and made the first cut.

Please forgive me.

CHAPTER FOUR

Cooper

I dreamt I was running across the dust, bullets whizzing past my ear as I raced for shelter, my gun tight to my side. The radio was buzzing in my jacket, shouting my name. ‘Cooper, Cooper, come in.’

Around me, the crumbling buildings fell apart, destroyed by shells and the anger of men. The ground was unsafe, potholes forming before my eyes, rocks shooting up like newly erected buildings. The radio voice kept insisting I move. Keep moving, don’t stop, or you’ll be no more.