Robyn Amos - Lilah's List

She glanced out into her darkened hotel room and wondered, yet again, why she was even there. Lilah’s mind began to fill with thoughts like a tub filling with water. A few moments more and she’d overflow. There was only one outlet for her when that happened.

Using the light from the bathroom, Lilah crept into the room and settled herself at the tiny desk where she’d set up her laptop. After connecting to the Internet, she pulled up her blog.

She’d first discovered online Web journals when she was updating the Web site for her real estate firm. She employed the technology then in hopes of generating repeat traffic to the site. Later, after her divorce, she’d begun a personal blog to cope with her sadness and frustration. To her surprise it had become a therapeutic outlet as other divorced women rallied around her blog until it ultimately evolved into a virtual support group.

She began her Lilah’s List blog before coming to New York. She wanted to have a lasting memory of the experience. Now Lilah wasn’t so sure she’d want to remember it. She was already off to a rocky start.

Feeling her embarrassment rising again, she began to type.

I made out with a stranger last night.

As she channeled the words through her fingers, Lilah was able to release her misgivings. Now it was as though it had happened to someone else, she thought as she completed her entry.

So, while my first day didn’t go quite according to plan, it wasn’t a total loss. I checked a whopping four items off The List!

30. Crash a party. Sure, Lady Luck tossed me a bone in the shape of Reggie Martin’s brother, but at least I had the chance to give that bullying bouncer a piece of my mind.

28. Kiss a stranger. Which must be why I had so little of my mind left when I checked this one off. Tyler Martin wasn’t a perfect stranger. But I hadn’t seen him in over ten years, so I think it qualifies.

31. Do something scandalous. I know it’s not much by most standards, but I think making out with a virtual stranger in public is as scandalous as it gets for me.

43. Fly first-class. Blah. I may have to try this one again to see what it’s like when you’re not paralyzed with fear. But for now, check!

“What are you doing?”

Lilah had been so engrossed in her blogging that the sound of Angie’s groggy voice nearly made her jump out of her skin.

“Nothing.” Lilah hastily closed the laptop.

Angie leaped out of bed and rushed over. “Are you looking at porn?” She opened the screen and read it over her shoulder. “What’s this? I didn’t know you had a blog. I didn’t even know you knew what one was. How come you never told me about this?”

“It’s private.”

Angie stared at her. “Yeah, you only share it with your gazillion closest friends on the World Wide Web.”

“I mean, no one I know in real life knows about my blogs. It’s just my way of sorting through my thoughts.”

Angie turned away and sank down on the bed.

“What?” Lilah asked. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You’re still my best friend,” she said softly. “But I don’t feel like I’m yours.”

“What are you talking about? That’s crazy. Of course you’re my best friend.”

“Then why are there so many things in your life you don’t share with me anymore? I know we don’t live in the same state anymore, but we’re both on the east coast. New York is only an hour by plane or three hours by train. I can see if you don’t want to invest in weekly long-distance calls, but if you’re bothering to write down the details of your life in a blog, you could have let me know. I could have kept up-to-date with you that way.”

Lilah was mortified. “I’m so sorry, Ang. I didn’t mean to shut you out. I guess I’m one of those people that when things aren’t going so well, I don’t like to talk about it. I can share it with strangers because they don’t really know me.”

“Ever since the divorce I haven’t known which way was up. And even before then, Chuck required my full attention. I felt like I had an obligation to make my marriage my priority. You see how that worked out. Now, when I look around, I feel like all I have is so much wasted time.”

Lilah moved over to join her friend on the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry I haven’t been a good friend to you over the last several years, Angie. I know it’s not good enough. But it’s all I’ve got.”

Angie hugged her. “It’s okay. I just want to remind you that you don’t have to rely on a virtual world of strangers. I’m right here, and I always will be when you need me.”

Lilah hugged her friend back, nearly choking on the emotions welling in her throat. The intense moment was instantly broken when her stomach released a loud groan of hunger.

Angie laughed. “We never did get a proper dinner. I know a burger joint with twenty-four-hour delivery.”

“Really? I love New York.”

Tyler stared unseeing at his computer screen. It was nearly noon on Saturday and he hadn’t gotten much, if any, work done. Weekdays were for meetings and phone calls, but Saturday mornings, he liked to try to catch up on e-mails and light paperwork. Then he could have the rest of the weekend to himself.

But today he couldn’t concentrate at all. His mind kept drifting back to Lilah. He felt like a jerk for taking advantage of a woman who had clearly been intoxicated. He should have pulled away from the kiss immediately, but she’d caught him off guard. But that didn’t give him an excuse.

Tyler smacked his forehead as he did every time the embarrassment came flooding back to him. He could only imagine how she was feeling today.

There was only one way for him to make things up to her. He had to give her what she wanted. A date with Reggie.

If he knew his brother, and he did, Reggie would be in bed until something approaching three o’clock. Then, since he didn’t have any other appearances scheduled for the weekend, he’d hang out in his apartment playing video games until he went out clubbing with his boys around midnight.

That would leave him plenty of room to have dinner with his old, high-school tutor. Tyler expected there would be some protesting, but now the kid owed him one.

Feeling much better now that he had something proactive to do besides mentally replay last night’s embarrassment, Tyler typed the words Casablanca Hotel into his Internet browser.

Tyler had heard Angie name the hotel when he’d hailed a cab for them last night. After dialing the number, he asked to be connected to Lilah’s room.

“Hello?” a sexy, sleep-roughened voiced purred into the phone.

“Lilah? I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

“T-Tyler?”

“Yes.” His stomach muscles clenched at the way she breathed his name.

She cleared her throat, but she still sounded like a phone-sex operator. “No, we were up, but I admit, we haven’t been up long.”

We? Before he could ask the question out loud, she continued.

“Angie and I ended up ordering out in the middle of the night and didn’t get back to bed until after 5:00 a.m.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean to disturb your rest, I was just calling to see if the two of you were free for dinner.”

“Dinner? Um…”

“With Reggie,” he added before the silence could stretch on, then tried not to be offended by her quick recovery.

“Actually, yes, we are free.”

“Great. I’ll try to get some reservations at Sapa for seven. Should we pick you two up at the hotel?”

“No, I’m not sure what our agenda is for the day, but we’ll probably be out and about. It might be easier if we meet you there.”

“Then it’s a date.”

There was an awkward moment of silence, until they both tried to fill it at once.