Joan Wolf - His Lordship's Desire

“Bart!” It was Alex’s voice. “How are you, fellow? I’ve missed you!”

The horse nickered when he heard the familiar voice. Alex went over to rub his forehead and scratch under his mane in a place he clearly liked.

Diana said, “He’s a beautiful horse, Alex.”

He turned his head to grin at her. “He saved my bacon a few times, I can tell you that. Unlike many cavalry horses who simply gallop forward out of control, Bart always listened to me.” He turned back to the gelding. “You’re a good boy, aren’t you fellow?”

Bart tossed his head in reply.

Alex turned to Henley. “Is his stall ready?”

“Aye, my lord. We’ve had it ready for several days now.”

The sun glinted off the black of the horse’s coat and the black of Alex’s hair as he took the rope that had tied the horse to the carriage, turned him and began to lead him toward the barn.

Diana followed.

Once Bart had been established in his stall with a bucket of fresh water and a pile of hay, Alex turned away from the door and for the first time seemed to notice Diana’s presence.

“So you like him, Dee?” he asked.

“Very much.” She began to walk out of the barn with him. “Have you decided what horses you are bringing to London with you?”

They had left the stable yard and followed the path back to the house. “I will have the carriage horses, of course, and I will bring horses for you and Sally to ride. And I’ll bring Bart for me.”

“Do you think you could bring Monty for me?” Diana asked a little breathlessly. “Annie is basically retired. She’s lame more often than she’s not.”

He frowned. “Monty’s all right in the country, but can you trust him in the city, with all the traffic? He’s never been in a city in his life.”

“I’m sure he’ll be all right,” Diana said.

“Perhaps we would be better off buying you a horse accustomed to London. I can always go to Tattersalls and pick you up a good riding horse.”

“I’d rather have Monty,” Diana insisted. “I have grown very fond of him since you left. I ride him almost every day.”

He stopped and regarded her with lifted black brows. “So you took over my horse, eh?”

“You left him,” she said, her beautiful lips set into a grim line. “You didn’t care what happened to him.”

He kept looking at her, then he turned and began to walk again. “I left him in my father’s stable, where no horse has ever been neglected. I had no worry that he would be mistreated. Moreover, I knew from Sally that you were riding him.”

It was stupid to alienate him, she thought. Not when she wanted this favor from him. “He’s like my own horse,” she said in a softer voice. “Please, Alex, if you’re not going to bring him for yourself, bring him for me. I’m looking forward to going to London, but if I can’t ride I shall be miserable.”

“Very well,” he said abruptly. “I’ll take Monty.”

She drew in her breath audibly. “Thank you,” she said.

He nodded and they continued their walk. After a minute of silence, he said, “You don’t have to go to London to find a husband, you know. You can marry me.”

She had spent her whole girlhood thinking she would marry Alex. But that was all changed now. “That’s good of you,” she said expressionlessly, “but it’s too late, Alex.”

“You’re only twenty and I’m twenty-two! How can it be too late?”

All of the anger and pain and feelings of abandonment bubbled up inside her and this time she couldn’t push them back down. She turned on him passionately. “It was too late the day you made your decision to go into the army,” she said angrily. “That was the day you killed whatever it was that I felt for you.”

He caught her arm and held her facing him. “I can’t believe that’s true.”

She stared down at his hand and slowly he opened his fingers and let her go.

“Believe it,” she said, as she turned and walked away. “Because it’s the truth.”

It was several days since the shock of seeing Alex again had caused Diana to jump and her breath to accelerate. When he had called her Dee…no one else in this world had ever called her Dee. It was a symbol of the bond between them, that name.

But as the time passed, and the unexpectedness of seeing him began to wear off, she found herself more able to steel herself when she was in his presence. He was busy about the estate and she often didn’t see him until dinnertime. There, surrounded by the rest of the family, it was easier to be cool and composed, to let herself pretend that she was indifferent to him.

She wanted to be indifferent to him. Whatever had been between them had been irrevocably severed three years ago, when he had chosen to leave her. She believed that firmly. What she had felt then, and what had happened to her after his departure, was a chasm between them that could never be bridged.

He showed me how unimportant I was to him, she told herself. Now that he is home he thinks he can pick up right where he left off. Well, he can’t. I don’t need him. I don’t need to marry a wealthy earl. I need to marry a steady sort of man with a comfortable income, someone who I can rely on, someone who will be a good father to my children. Someone who will be there when I need him. Not like Alex.

Diana was very aware that she and her mother lived on the edge of poverty. If it had not been for Lady Standish providing them with a home and some social standing, she would have grown up in rented rooms in a city like Bath. Her father had been the younger son of a squire and the only money he had was his army pay. After he died, the Sherwoods had lived on a tiny pension, supplemented by the piano lessons that Mrs. Sherwood gave to local children. It was only because of Louisa Sherwood’s connection to Lady Standish that Diana had had the opportunity to ride horses and go to parties.

This opportunity to make a come-out in London was a godsend to her. She knew she had to marry. The thought of spending the rest of her life hanging on Alex’s generosity made her shudder. She knew a good marriage wasn’t going to be easy for a penniless girl like her. But she was aware of her beauty and she thought that in all of London there must be at least one good man who would find her beautiful enough, and personable enough, to want to marry her.

Sally would attract earls and viscounts; Diana was not foolish enough to expect that kind of attention. What she wanted was a nice, solid man, a house in the country, with dogs and horses and children. Surely that was not too much to hope for.

She only wished that Alex was not coming with them.

A few weeks after Alex’s return, an invitation arrived from Viscountess Alston asking the Devizes and the Sherwoods to a small party she was having at Reeve House. The Alstons lived some seven miles away from Standish Court and were the nearest neighbors of their own social standing. Alex’s father had been friends with Viscount Alston and when the earl was alive the two families had often socialized. Lady Standish accepted the invitation for herself and the Sherwoods.

“I’m sure they want to see you, Alex,” Lady Standish said as they discussed the invitation over dinner that night. Instead of eating in the huge formal dining room, the family usually dined in the smaller family eating room that was much cozier than the elegant perfection that Adam had created in the main room.

“Is it to be just us and the Alstons?” he asked.

“I gather from Phoebe’s note that she has asked a few other people from the neighborhood. You know we have never stood on ceremony in the country, Alex. I’m sure Dr. Lawrence will be there, and probably the squire. And Sir Burton Nable, as well.”