Joan Wolf - His Lordship's Desire

Her face lit to radiance. “Can you? Would that not be too much trouble?”

“Not at all. I’ll send the curricle for him. We’ll have him here in London for you in no time.”

“It won’t be too confining for him, will it? I can walk him in the park every day.”

“He’ll be fine. The horses are more cooped up than they’re accustomed to as well. That’s why it’s good for us to get them out in the morning for a gallop.”

She nodded.

His voice deepened. “For how many years have the two of us ridden together in the morning, Dee?”

“Ever since we were children.” Her voice hardened. “Until you went away.”

They were walking side-by-side on a loose rein, the horses’ heads swinging comfortably as they went along. A slight breeze ruffled the hair on Alex’s forehead. “I had to go, Dee,” he said earnestly. “I know you don’t understand, and I know I can’t really expect you to forgive me, but it was just something in me that I couldn’t deny. I needed to go. I had wanted to be a soldier for all of my life, and then my father finally agreed…I just couldn’t pass up the chance.”

“Yes,” she said tightly. “You made your choice, Alex. I understood that very well.”

“I didn’t mean to leave you forever. I told you I would come back when the war was over. I told you I would marry you.”

She stared straight ahead, between Monty’s small, pointed ears. “You could have come back in a wooden box, like my father. What good would that have been to me?”

“I wouldn’t have been much good to you with my heart always someplace else. You knew that. That’s why you told me to go.”

She turned to look at him. “Was it as glorious as you thought it was going to be, Alex? Did you love being a soldier?”

She thought she saw a shadow pass over his face. “I wouldn’t exactly call it glorious,” he said. She could hear that he was trying to speak lightly. “It was a pretty dirty job at times. But it was a good cause, and we were successful. What happened in the Peninsula had a lot to do with Napoleon’s downfall.”

It sounded to Diana as if Alex had not been as thrilled with life as a soldier as he had expected to be. Perversely, this made her glad.

“I expect being in a battle wasn’t much fun,” she said.

“No.” His voice was clipped.

They walked in silence for a while. Then Alex turned to her. “Dee, is it really too late for us? Can’t we start over again? I know you have a right to be angry with me. But I love you. I have always loved you. I don’t want you to marry another man, I want you to marry me. Will you at least consider that?”

She returned his look, her brown eyes grave in her exquisite face. “It’s too late,” she said. “The feelings I had for you are gone.”

His mouth set in a grim line. “I don’t believe that. I can’t believe it.”

A bird flew close to Monty’s head and he sidled a little. “It’s true,” she lied. “Something in me died when you left, Alex. For a long time I was very angry with you, but now that you’re back even my anger is gone. We’re finished. That’s all there is to it. I’m sorry.”

He said, “Get off that horse and kiss me, Dee, and then tell me you have no feelings left for me.”

She raised her chin and stared ahead. “I have no intention of kissing you! You lost your rights to my kisses a long time ago.” She fought to compose herself. “We might start to trot. The horses have caught their breath.”

She started Monty going briskly forward, eager to end their conversation. After a moment, Alex followed.

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