Brenda Novak - A Husband of Her Own

It was the differences in their basic natures that she thought of as the truly positive factor in their relationship. Nothing riled Buddy. On a scale of one to ten, the intensity of his emotions fell somewhere below a one. He immediately and completely withdrew from any and all confrontation. Rebecca, on the other hand, had never backed away from a fight in her life. Until today. “Stay calm,” was quickly becoming her silent mantra.

“I don’t understand why you keep doing this,” she said, still admirably rational. “Are you having second thoughts about us?”

“No…not really.”

Not really? She considered asking Buddy if she could call him back after she made a cigarette run. Only she was already too engrossed in the conversation to walk away from it now.

“I just…I don’t see any need to rush into anything,” he was saying.

“We wouldn’t be rushing,” she responded. “We’d simply be going ahead with our plans. Why can’t we show your aunt the video when she comes to town? I mean, weddings aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. It’ll be more fun to get to know her in a relaxed atmosphere.”

“It’s not just my aunt.”

“You said you weren’t having second thoughts about us. At least, I think that’s what you said. You said ‘not really.’ I don’t know what I’m supposed to make of that. I guess it means you could be having second thoughts, or you could be having some second thoughts or—”

“You’re putting words in my mouth,” he said. “I’m thinking about the advantages, that’s all. We’d have more money if we waited, and I’ll have saved up a few more days’ vacation time.”

“What about me?” Rebecca slapped a nicotine patch on her other arm. “I’ve already given my notice at Hair And Now, and Erma has a new girl I’m supposed to train starting in a few weeks. There won’t be enough business for her if I keep my current clients. Besides, the lease is up on my house and—”

“Has anyone else come forward to rent it? Maybe you could talk your landlord into letting you stay another few months.”

Wasn’t he listening? She didn’t want to stay any longer. She didn’t want to see the doubt in her father’s eyes when she told him the wedding had been postponed a third time. And she sure as heck didn’t want to share such news with her three perfect sisters, all of whom had husbands and families of their own. They’d paved the road before her with such high expectations she’d never measure up. And everyone down at the Honky Tonk, the redneck bar that served as the center of Dundee’s weekend entertainment, was already placing bets on whether there’d really be a wedding. She couldn’t have the whole town laughing at her. Not again.

“The invitations are at the printers,” she said. She could feel the reassuring adhesive of both nicotine patches clinging to her skin but somehow it wasn’t the same as a smoke.

“You could probably catch them if you called right away,” he replied.

“Maybe, maybe not. Maybe we should just forget about the wedding and elope.”

“Elope?”

His voice had definitely gone a bit high, but Rebecca barreled on. “Yeah. Let’s fly to Vegas and do it. Forget the cake and the flowers and the food. Forget the guests!”

“My mother would kill me.”

“Why? My parents are the ones who’ve already spent a lot of money.” Her parents had been so excited that she was finally getting married, they’d promised to give her the same kind of wedding they’d provided for her sisters, even though she was thirty-one. The vein in her father’s forehead had momentarily appeared when she mentioned the cost of her dress, but her mother had quickly quelled whatever he was about to say with one of her magical warning glances. He’d nodded vacantly and walked away, and they hadn’t discussed the expense of the wedding since.

“See?” Buddy said. “We can’t elope. Your parents would be furious.”

“Some things, like the food and hall and the photographer, we can still cancel. The rest I’ll pay for myself, a little at a time.”

“And the memory of having your father give you away and all that?”

“I don’t think my folks care whether or not I have a wedding. They just want me to be happy.”

“That might be true. But I’m an only child and my father died when I was eight. It’s perfectly understandable that my mother would want me to do things the traditional way.”

Rebecca was beginning to feel a little desperate. He had an answer for everything, but they weren’t answers she could understand. Two people who were madly in love wanted to be together as soon as possible. They didn’t put off their wedding for a great-aunt. It was the one time in life a couple was allowed to be selfish.

Or maybe she was getting carried away by the emotion of the moment. Maybe she wasn’t thinking like other people. It had happened before.

“Okay,” she said, shifting to damage control. “What if I move out there and we live together until the wedding? That should make everyone happy.”

“Um…I don’t think so. My family wouldn’t like it.”

“Your family wouldn’t like it? What about you, Buddy?”

He immediately picked up on the edge in her voice. “There’s no need to get upset, Beck. Would you please calm down?”

Calm down? How could she respond any more calmly and still have a pulse? “What do you want me to say?” she asked. “I can’t help that I’m not happy about this.” As a matter of fact, the bubble of her anger was rising inexorably toward the surface, and she feared she’d no longer be able to hold it back. Worse, she could barely remember why it was important to do so. If Buddy didn’t love her, all the soft-spoken words in the world wouldn’t change a thing. And he couldn’t love her if he was putting everyone else’s feelings before hers.

“Just try to understand,” he said.

She pinched the bridge of her nose. “I want to know what’s really going on.”

“There’s nothing going on. I want my aunt to come to the wedding. Reading anything more into this would be blowing it out of proportion.”

“What about my family? They’ve been making hundreds of scrolls with that silly romantic poem we chose.”

“Which we’ll use…eventually.”

“Eventually.” Rebecca felt as if her hold on the rope that was supposed to rescue her from Dundee had just grown a little more tenuous.

“I’ve got to go,” Buddy said.

“Wait! I want to talk about this. I admit I’m upset, but I think I have good reason to be.”

Silence.

“Buddy? Answer me, dammit. Not every conversation we have has to be pleasant. That isn’t even realistic.”

Nothing.

“What if one of my aunts can’t make it in January? Do we put if off again? We can’t possibly accommodate everyone.”

“Let’s talk about it later, okay?”

“Why?”

“Because maybe by then you’ll have cooled off.”

“And maybe not. Can’t you work with me here? I’m disappointed and frustrated and—”

“And I’d talk to you now if I thought it would help, but arguing won’t solve anything,” he said. “Come on, Beck. I’m just asking for a few more months. What’s the rush?”

He didn’t get it, and Rebecca knew she couldn’t explain it to him without dredging up her past. Which she definitely didn’t want to do. She was moving to Nebraska to start over. “I thought we were in love,” she said.

“We are in love. And we’re going to be just as in love in January, right?”

How could she answer that without conceding it would be okay to wait? “I guess.”

“At least, I’m still going to be in love with you,” he added, and Rebecca felt herself soften. She didn’t want to wait any longer to be married, but if it would make Buddy happy, how could she refuse? “Okay,” she said at last.