Tina Beckett - Midwives On-Call At Christmas

And Bonnie didn’t want to grow old alone. She’d been stung by her cheating ex and it had made her wary. But it didn’t stop her hoping that somewhere out there would be a man who would love and respect her the way she did him.

Would make her skin tingle and send pulses through her body from a mere look, a touch.

Trouble was, the only person who fitted the bill right now was Jacob Layton.

Could she really trust him with her heart? And with Freya’s too?

CHAPTER NINE

JACOB STARED AT the letter in his hand.

This was it. The appointment he’d been waiting for. The one that could be the end of the big black cloud that had been hanging over his head for the last fifteen months.

His scheduled appointment was fourteen days away but he’d phoned and asked for a cancellation. He couldn’t wait any longer to find out his results—good or bad.

Professional courtesy in the NHS went a long way. CT scan and blood tests tomorrow. Appointment with the specialist the day after.

His stomach twisted. Over the last few days he’d reverted to form and he knew it. He was snapping at people again, being grumpy at work.

All because of what was happening inside.

Something had hit him. Ever since he’d had that conversation with Bonnie and kissed her he couldn’t think straight. His house was now full of Christmas decorations and happy, smiley people. And for the first time in his life he actually wanted to be a happy, smiley person too.

But he just couldn’t be. Not with this hanging over his head.

The possibility of a real relationship—a real connection with someone—was there. But he felt as if it were slipping through his fingers like shifting sands.

Talking about his mother had been an enormous help. Sharing with Bonnie had given him a connection he hadn’t felt since he was a young child. Bonnie was a woman he could trust. A woman he could love with his whole heart.

His grip tightened on the letter in his hand. So why hadn’t he told her about this?

The truth was he wasn’t ready. Cancer was a burden. Cancer was a relationship deal breaker. He was still at that uncertain stage with Bonnie. He didn’t want to be a burden to her and Freya—particularly if the news he was about to receive was bad.

If it was, he would step back and fade into the background of their lives. He would probably stop making up reasons she shouldn’t move to any of the properties that she’d shown him and help her and Freya take the next steps in their lives.

Above everything he didn’t want Bonnie to feel sorry for him. To form a relationship with him out of sympathy or pity. He didn’t want that kind of relationship.

He wanted the kind that had started to burn inside him already. The kind where she was his first thought in the morning and his last thought at night. The kind where he could walk into the labour suite and sense she was there without even seeing her.

The kind where her scent would drift across the room towards him and wrap itself around him like a magic spell. So the first face he would see would be hers and her smile would send him a thousand unspoken promises.

Bonnie and Freya had been badly let down before. He didn’t want that for them again. And until he found out about his test results, he couldn’t even begin to have the kind of conversations with Bonnie that he should be having.

Would she even consider their relationship progressing? How would she feel knowing that he’d had cancer? How would she feel about his position on children? She already had Freya, but Bonnie struck him as the kind of woman who’d want to expand her family. Could she be in a relationship with a man who didn’t want to pass the risk of cancer—no matter how small—on to his kids?

So many unanswered questions. So many dangerous assumptions. Crabbit. That was how she’d good-naturedly described him the other day. It was a good Scottish word for him—because that was exactly how he felt.

Unsure. That was another word that described him right now.

He’d always spent his life knowing exactly who he was and what he wanted.

Bonnie—and Freya—had literally turned his world upside down.

‘Jacob?’

He crumpled the paper in his hand and thrust it into his pocket. ‘Yes?’ Bonnie was standing at his office door. A furrow ran across her brow.

‘Sean just phoned. Someone else phoned in sick for tomorrow. He wondered if you could cover the theatre list?’

Jacob hesitated. He’d never refused to cover for a fellow doctor before. His automatic default position was always to say yes.

But this was different. If he missed the tests tomorrow, he’d have to wait another two weeks before his routine appointment came up. There were another four obstetricians at CRMU. Sean had probably just asked him first as a matter of routine. He took a deep breath. ‘No. Sorry, tell him I have obligations that I can’t break. He’ll need to ask someone else.’

Bonnie hesitated and took a little step towards him. ‘Jacob?’

He shook his head. He couldn’t have this conversation with her—not right now. He swept past her, before her light perfume started to invade his senses. ‘Tell him to ask Isabel. I’m sure she’ll oblige.’

He carried on down the corridor. One look from Bonnie’s confused blue eyes was enough for him. He had to be so careful. She’d been hurt badly by her husband. He’d already done damage when he’d torn down the Christmas decorations. For the next two days it would be best if he could avoid her. He’d find a reason to work late tonight. And another reason to stay out of her way tomorrow. His tests were in the afternoon. Then he’d just have to wait twenty-four hours to find out his results.

He glanced at his watch. He needed to have a conversation with Dean Edwards about a baby in Special Care. He could go there. Bonnie would be tied up in the labour suite for the rest of the day.

He sucked in a breath as he pushed open the swing doors. Forty-eight hours. Forty-eight hours, then he’d know if his life was about to begin, or could be about to end.

CHAPTER TEN

SOMETHING WAS WRONG. She could feel it in her bones.

Jacob was avoiding her—and avoiding Freya. Last night he’d come home when they’d both been in bed. When she’d got up and gone downstairs to make a cup of tea and talk to him, it had been obvious he had other things on his mind.

It was painful. It was embarrassing to be around someone that had kissed her so passionately a few days before and now acted as though he didn’t want her around.

Maybe it stung so much because she actually cared. She cared what Jacob thought about her.

And caring was the one thing she shouldn’t be doing.

Jacob had told her about his mother. But there was something else he was keeping from her. And it made her uncomfortable.

She deserved better than that—Freya deserved better than that.

Worse than anything, she didn’t even feel as if she could call him on it. They weren’t even in a proper relationship. She had no right to ask where he was going, or what he was doing. She just had that horrible sensation of being taken for a fool.

It didn’t help that she was staying in his house. In fact, it made things ten times worse. If she’d met him through work and they’d maybe just shared a kiss, or gone on a date, she would be able to take a step back and distance herself.

Living under one roof made things a whole lot more complicated.

She tapped at the computer screen. It was only a few weeks until Christmas and the choices seemed even more limited than the last time she’d looked. Seven flats—all within her price range. All white, bland, soulless rooms in a range of buildings she wasn’t sure she wanted to stay in.

Two in tower blocks. Three in areas that were less than salubrious. And that hadn’t come from Jacob—a few of the other members of staff in the labour suite had recounted tales of staying in some of the surrounding areas. One looked in the same state as the motel she and Freya had stayed in, and another was nearer Freya’s school but was a tiny one-bedroom flat.