Lemony Snicket - Shouldn't You Be in School?

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Before he wrote 'A Series of Unfortunate Events', before the Baudelaires became orphans, even before the invention of Netflix, Lemony Snicket asked all the wrong questions. Four to be exact. This is the account of the third question.Young apprentice Lemony Snicket is investigating a case of arson but soon finds himself enveloped in the ever-increasing mystery that haunts the town of Stain’d-by-the-Sea.Who is setting the fires? What secrets are hidden in the Department of Education? Why are so many schoolchildren in danger? Is it all the work of the notorious villain Hangfire? How could you even ask that? What kind of education have you had?In the tradition of great storytellers, from Dickens to Dahl, comes an exquisitely dark comedy that is both literary and irreverent. You’ll laugh only if you find humour in gothic and mysterious things involving detectives and crime solving.Lemony’s other literary outings in ‘A Series of Unfortunate Events’ have sold 60 million copies worldwide and been made into a Hollywood film starring Jim Carrey and a Netflix series starring Neil Patrick Harris. These regrettable developments mean that millions of fans have found out about the dreadful plight of the Baudelaire orphans, but you do not have to. You have been warned.Have you read all four mysterious titles in the Wrong Questions series? ‘Who Could That Be at the This Hour?’‘When Did You Last See Her?’‘Shouldn’t You Be in School?’‘Why is This Night Different from All Other Nights?’Author Lemony Snicket was born before you were and is likely to die before you as well. He was born in a small town where the inhabitants were suspicious and prone to riot. He grew up near the sea and currently lives beneath it. Until recently, he was living somewhere else. He is a broken man, wracked with misery and despair as a result of writing 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'. He spends his days wandering the countryside weeping and moaning and his evenings eating hastily-prepared meals.Artist Seth has portrayed suspicious circumstances and shady characters in much of his work. He is a multi-award-winning cartoonist, author and artist, whose works include Palookaville and Clyde Fans.Praise forWho Could That Be at This Hour?:‘Charming, clever and enormously enjoyable’ Guardian‘Wonderfully eccentric and addictive … Just beautiful writing’ Observer‘Better than ever’ Independent‘A dazzlingly clever, funny and literary concoction’ Irish Times

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“Give us a hint,” Moxie said.

Jake thought for a second. “Two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom.”

“That’s water,” I said.

Moxie tasted again and smiled. “Watermelon.”

Jake nodded. “Tomato-watermelon gazpacho. It’s what they serve in Spain when it gets too hot. And the stuff on the bread is a habanero pepper jam I made myself.”

“I wish all mysteries were that easy,” I said.

“And this delicious,” Moxie said.

Jake told us thank you and we kept eating. The food made me feel better. Good food always does. For a few minutes I stopped worrying about Hangfire and schoolchildren and arson and the Department of Education. I wasn’t even worrying about Ellington Feint. I was just enjoying lunch, and my only worry was who was going to get the last piece of toast.

I should have kept worrying, though, because when I stopped worrying about the case, somebody else solved it. They solved it incorrectly and dimwittedly and disastrously, which is to say they didn’t solve it at all. But solving a mystery is like naming a dog. If enough people call it one thing, that’s the name that tends to stick. I was savoring my last sip of soup when Hungry’s door swung open and the wrong solution to the mystery hurried in. It was S. Theodora Markson and she had a huge grin on her face, which was never good news. Sharon Haines was right behind her with a grin just as wide, and when Theodora waved to me, I saw that both women had matching freshly painted nails. The nails were wrong too. They were bright, bright yellow, brighter than anybody likes.

“There you are!” Theodora sang out to me, in a voice as bright as the fingernails. I’d never heard her use that voice, and I didn’t like it.

“Tell him the good news,” Sharon said, in a matching voice.

“We have good news, Snicket,” Theodora said. “We’ve solved the case.”

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