Alison Roberts - Undressed by the Rebel

It would belittle something that meant the world to Ellie. Make a mockery of her accepting a proposal and saying vows that included ‘till death us do part’. She couldn’t… wouldn’t do it.

Was it fate that made Max appear at the very instant she knew why she couldn’t possibly accept his offer?

‘Hey…how’s it going?’

Ellie smiled. ‘All good. Very quiet. Mouse has been asleep for hours and I’ve been enjoying the view. I love how hilly Dunedin is.’

‘It’s a nice little town. I haven’t been here that long myself but I’m getting to know it. It’s a good place to live.’

‘Mmm.’ Ellie was trying to find the right way to tell him that she wasn’t going to be living here.

‘I went past the office and had a chat to your nurse. Looks like you’ll get the all-clear for discharge after rounds tomorrow morning. You can get out of here and go home.’

Ellie stared at Max.

Go home?

Where was that, exactly?

Most of her belongings were in storage in Wellington and all she’d come here with had been an overnight bag and her passport. If that became known it would ring alarm bells for the medical staff for sure. The kind of alarms that would set wheels in motion. Social service type wheels because they couldn’t let a mother who was only just on her feet after a life-threatening event go off and provide sole care for a newborn baby.

And if she got sucked into that system there would be no hiding her real identity. Marcus would be able to trace her in a flash. He would turn up and she would be weak and vulnerable and wouldn’t have Max or his friends to stand up for her. She could go further north to the town where her mother and stepfather were but they had a small house, two teenage boys and their own worries. Ellie hadn’t even told them she was pregnant. Turning up on their doorstep with a baby was an option that was definitely a very last resort.

Max was watching her. ‘You’re going to need help for a while yet, Ellie. You know that, don’t you?’

Ellie nodded. ‘I don’t expect you to provide it, Max. I’ve got to start standing on my own two feet. This is my fault, because I didn’t plan ahead. I was so busy taking it all one day at a time and relying on some airy-fairy plan that I would go and start a new life in a new place.’

‘You can still do that. Just not tomorrow.’

The small squeak from the crib was a welcome distraction from having to face a reality that had very scary blank patches. Ellie reached into the crib and gathered her daughter into her arms, holding her close enough to bury her face against her body for a moment.

The rush of love she felt for this tiny creature was enough to bring tears to her eyes and feed a seed of determination. She had someone more important than herself to think about now. Someone she loved who would love her back. As she carried the baby to the towel on the bed in preparation to change her nappy, Ellie had a moment of clarity that was as welcome as the distraction had been.

It didn’t matter that Marcus was her father. Maybe she would even thank him one day for being responsible for this incredible gift. Max had been right. Anything negative on the paternal side had most likely been due to nurture, not nature. This little girl was going to be brought up with the kind of love that would make her into a person Ellie knew she would be very, very proud of.

She was already. Taking hold of two tiny hands, Ellie bent to kiss her baby.

‘Isn’t she beautiful?’

‘Yeah.’ The word was gruff. Not that Ellie looked but she wouldn’t have been surprised if Max had glanced over his shoulder to make sure no one overheard.

Not that she was fooled. He might have tried to hide it over the last few days, with that casual dropping in to see how things were going, but Ellie hadn’t missed the sidelong glances into the crib or at the bundle in her arms. He might shrug as though it was unimportant when he was offered a cuddle but she hadn’t seen him refuse one yet. And there’d been that time when Mouse had been crying and crying and Max had turned up and taken her and she’d snuggled in to his chest and settled.

There’d been more than satisfaction in the look Max had bestowed on the baby he’d held and the look had gone on for long enough for Ellie to recognise it as the kind of connection she had found in breastfeeding. And what about that shower of gifts for her one-week birthday this morning? She was wearing one of the tiny stretch suits now and Ellie eased the small legs out, bending again to kiss a miniature foot.

She hadn’t known Max very long at all but she owed him her life and the chance to start again properly and she loved him for that along with everything he’d done since then. As a friend. She wasn’t in love with him.

But she could be. Heavens, this was turning into a series of revelations. Was it just that she was well on the road to recovery now and her brain was waking up? Yes. It would all be all too easy to fall in love with Max McAdam and what would that get her? A broken heart, that’s what.

She’d seen the way women looked at him and knew why they looked that way. He was gorgeous and successful and she knew better than any of them how kind he was. He could have anyone he chose so why on earth would he be interested in someone as ordinary as her? Someone with someone else’s child in tow, what’s more, and she knew better than most what kind of heartache that could result in.

She didn’t dare look at him for a minute. Just in case she found herself looking for something it would be very unwise to look for. Like the possibility that she was wrong. That there might be a scrap of hope that he could be interested. She needed a new distraction.

‘She really does need a proper name,’ she said, rolling up the dirty nappy to discard.

‘That’s what I came to talk to you about.’

Oh, help. As if she could get her head around explaining why she wasn’t going to accept his offer of marriage when she was trying to suppress the knowledge of how easy it would be to fall in love with this man.

‘I meant a first name. Can’t see myself enrolling her at school as Mouse.’ Ellie tried to make light of changing the subject. Cleaning the small bottom in front of her was helping. ‘It needs to be a special name, though.’

‘What’s your mother’s name?’

‘Joan.’

‘Oh…’ Max was watching as she put a clean nappy in place. ‘That doesn’t sound right.’

‘No.’

‘How ‘bout your grandmother?’

‘Beatrice.’

‘That’s not so bad.’

‘Except that she disowned my mother when she became an unmarried mother.’

‘Oh.’ Was he going to make a comment about history repeating itself? Ellie hoped not. ‘There must be someone that’s special. A name that you’d like to honour?’

Ellie looked up. ‘Yes.’ Her heart gave an odd little flip. ‘You’re right. There is. Someone I have no idea how to thank.’ She smiled at him. ‘I’m going to call her…Maxine.’

The look on his face was priceless. ‘Are you kidding me? No. You can’t do that. It’s totally wrong for her.’

Ellie had picked up Mouse again. ‘Maybe I was kidding about the name but I wasn’t joking about having no idea how to thank you.’ Suddenly the words fell into place easily. ‘You’ve done so much for us, Max, and I can’t believe you offered to marry me. I really appreciate the offer but I can’t do it. It’s…’ He’d even given her words to borrow. ‘Totally wrong.’

‘But what are you going to do tomorrow?’

‘Find a motel, I guess. Just for a week or two until I’ve got myself sorted out properly.’

Max shook his head. ‘No way. You’re not a hundred per cent yourself. I won’t let you do that.’