Alison Roberts - Undressed by the Rebel

‘Of course it’s allowed,’ he snapped. ‘Why wouldn’t it be? Might be a good idea if you all left us to it.’

They went, closing the door behind them. Max drew the curtains over the windows on the corridor side of the room.

‘What should I do?’

‘Nothing,’ Ellie said. She was peeling away baby blankets. ‘I need to undress…her.’ She was fumbling with the ties on the baby’s gown but then she looked up and Max could see the tears in her eyes. ‘She hasn’t even got a name,’ Ellie choked out.

‘Yes, she has.’ Max stepped closer. He knew how to take that gown off. ‘She’s Mouse. Because she’s tiny and cute and sometimes she twitches her nose. Do you need the nappy off as well?’

‘I…I don’t think so.’

‘Skin to skin, right?’

Ellie didn’t meet his eyes. ‘Mmm. I need to put her…um, Mouse, between my breasts.’

Max swallowed. ‘OK. I’ll hold her for a tick while you sort your gown.’

He was used to holding this baby when it was virtually naked. The movements of small, unfettered limbs no longer triggered alarm. He held the baby against his chest and, by some miracle, it calmed her. He could feel the rub of that tiny nose against his shirt and the high-pitched cries softened into noisy snuffles.

‘She likes you,’ Ellie said.

‘She just knows me. Maybe it’s a smell thing.’ Max was busy not looking at Ellie as she took her arms from the sleeves of her gown and pushed it down to her waist.

‘Mmm.’ Her voiced sounded oddly strangled. ‘That’s what the book said. The baby needs to see and hear you and smell and taste. I put her face down between my breasts and stroke her back and she learns my smell and then she should start moving her head around until she finds the nipple all by herself.’

‘Really?’ Max was surprised enough to look up and there was Ellie with her breasts exposed. Small and round, like the rest of her. Pale and firm looking, with a tracing of blue veins and nut-brown nipples.

Max had to swallow hard again. He shouldn’t be doing this. He really shouldn’t. He could see the same discomfort in Ellie’s eyes when he hauled his gaze away, a flush of something like guilt warming the back of his neck. For two pins he’d give her the baby and leave her to it but he couldn’t do that, could he? They wouldn’t let her do this alone and if she had a complete stranger watching, the chances of this going well might be greatly diminished.

So, instead, he smiled. ‘You look like a Madonna,’ he told her. ‘You ready?’

‘Mmm.’

Max had to position Mouse and that inevitably meant that his hands had to touch her breasts. He tried to ignore the awareness. The odd tingle it gave him deep in his gut. At least it didn’t take long and then he could step back and simply observe. Be there in case Ellie needed rescuing.

It seemed to be going well. The baby stopped even snuffling as it lay there against its mother’s skin. Ellie stroked her gently down the middle of her back and then raised her hand slowly to repeat the motion. Again and again.

So softly. Her fingers tracing a miniature spine. The movement had to be soothing.

It was certainly soothing Max.

Mouse was moving now, pulling her little legs up and then pushing them down again.

‘Do you think she needs a blanket?’ Ellie spoke in a whisper.

‘It’s pretty warm in here. See how she goes.’

The baby had looked up at the sound of Ellie’s voice.

‘She’s watching me.’ There was wonder in the whisper now.

Max watched Mouse. He saw her put her hands up to her mouth and then fling an arm sideways to make contact with a breast. She started to move her head from side to side, rubbing her nose on Ellie’s skin the way she had been doing on Max’s shirt not so long ago.

He opened his mouth to make an encouraging comment but then shut it again. He didn’t want to break whatever magic was happening here. Voices and other noises from beyond the door faded into irrelevance and there was a silence in this room that had a very different feel to it. Both Max and Ellie were watching the baby, totally caught up in something they had no need to interfere with. Something primaeval and instinctive.

Something very wonderful.

Mouse was bobbing her head now. Then she stretched her neck and her whole head jerked so that it landed on top of Ellie’s breast. With a tiny gasp, Ellie moved her hands to support the baby who had opened her mouth to poke out her tongue and lick the skin right beside a nipple.

Max held his breath. He could swear his heart stopped in that final moment when the baby’s mouth closed over Ellie’s nipple. And then he could hear the sound of sucking. When a tiny hand came up and pressed against the pale skin of Ellie’s breast, he actually had to swallow past a constriction in his throat that felt horribly like tears were not far away.

Ellie looked up then and she had tears she wasn’t bothering to swallow away. They rolled down her cheeks and her eyes shone with more of them but Max had never seen such an expression of joy in anyone’s face. He couldn’t look away. Couldn’t swallow quite hard enough either but it didn’t seem to matter that his own eyes got so wet.

This was a moment he would remember for the rest of his life. This joy. This connection. Between Ellie and her baby. Between Ellie and himself.

It made everything that had happened in this crazy week worthwhile because if he hadn’t pretended to be the father of this baby, he wouldn’t be here right now. He wouldn’t have witnessed that little miracle of nature.

He and Ellie had shared the magic. No one else could be part of it or even begin to understand it. It was Ellie who finally broke that eye contact and he could sense what an effort it had taken. She looked down again. So did Max.

And there was Mouse. Sucking blissfully and staring up at her mother. Ellie wouldn’t look up at him again. Max knew what it felt like to be caught in that gaze. He could blink away the moisture in his eyes now. Take a deep breath and let it out very slowly. He could even smile.

His work was done.

‘HAPPY birthday, dear Mouse…Happy birthday to you.’

Ellie was laughing. ‘She’s only a week old!’

Max was holding a bunch of rainbow-hued balloons. He tied them to the doorhandle and then ducked outside the room again. Ellie’s jaw dropped when he returned moments later with his arms overflowing with parcels. He put them on the end of her bed where there was plenty of room because Ellie was sitting crosslegged, her back against her pillows and her baby in her arms, seemingly engrossed in being fed.

‘Max…what have you done?’

The intent look she received from those dark eyes was out of kilter with the satisfied smile that was fading a little.

‘You didn’t have a whole lot of baby stuff ready, did you?’

‘No.’ Ellie bit her lip. ‘I thought I had plenty of time and…and I had other things on my mind.’

The smile brightened again. ‘I thought as much. And they’re talking about letting you guys escape so I thought you’d need a few things to start you off.’

‘Oh…Max…’ It was embarrassing how easily tears came to her eyes these days. Ellie had never been one to cry much. ‘As if you haven’t done enough for us already.’

Max shrugged. He stepped closer and peered down at the baby. ‘Is she done? Looks like she’s asleep.’

‘She is.’ Ellie slipped her little finger into the corner of the tiny mouth to break any remaining suction. It also exposed her nipple to Max but any embarrassment over something like this had long since vanished. It had probably evaporated that very first time, in fact, when they had shared that amazing experience of Mouse finding Ellie’s breast by herself.