Laura Ellen Anderson - Amelia Fang and the Memory Thief

The fairies appeared to be crying sparkly tears

of joy.

‘Tangine La Floofle,’ said Miss Inspine with a look of shock on her skull. ‘That was quite

possibly the best presentation any student has

ever given in my class. TOP MARKS!’

CHAPTER 3

SUBLIME

After lunch, Amelia and her friends made their

way to the Coughing Classroom, in the deepest

recesses of Catacomb Academy, for a brand-

new lesson.

‘I WONDER WHAT OUR NEW LESSON IS?’

said Florence.

‘I hope it’s more fun than Zombie Social

Studies,’ said Grimaldi.

Amelia giggled. ‘I’m excited to meet our new

teacher,’ she said. ‘I heard it might be someone

from Glitteropolis!’

Amelia and her friends approached the

classroom, where a plump and wrinkly man

with thick-rimmed glasses, a big curly moustache

and huge fairy wings was waiting by the door.

‘STUDENTS!’ he smiled, his teeth shining blindingly white. ‘Come in, come in! Welcome, welcome!’

Amelia, Florence, Grimaldi and Tangine took seats at the back of the classroom, carefully

avoiding any snot that the Coughing Classroom spluttered in their direction.

As Amelia looked around the Coughing Classroom, she noticed it had been adorned from top to bottom with glossy print-outs of Ravishing Recipes and pictures of the new teacher posing with various cooking instruments.

Once the class had settled down, the teacher half-skipped

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to the front of the classroom

and threw his arms out as if he

were about to invite everyone

over for a great big hug.

‘Hellooooo, students of

Catacomb Academy!’ he sang. ‘I

am terribly delighted to be

joining you all in your

wonderfully dark and dismal

city of Nocturnia. I’m your new

cookery teacher, Mr Sublime!’

‘Oooh, cookery class!’ said

Amelia and Tangine in unison.

‘HEH, SOUNDS LIKE MR

SLIME,’ Florence guffawed.

‘Florence!’ Amelia whispered,

half-smiling.

‘I can’t wait to share some of

my favourite Glitteropolan

recipes with you. We’re going to

have a lot of fun making

a LOT of food!’ said

Mr Sublime.

Tangine’s eyes lit up

and a string of dribble

slipped its way down his

chin. ‘Hmmmm fooooood!’

he gurgled happily.

AHEM!

‘Yes?’ said the teacher,

looking round at the

students expectantly for

more sentiments of

appreciation.

‘IT WEREN’T ANY

OF US THAT MADE

THAT NOISE, MR

SLIME. THAT WAS

THE ROOM. THAT’S

WHY IT’S CALLED

THE COUGHING CLASSROOM,’ explained Florence.

‘Oh, I see,’ said Mr Sublime, looking a little ill as he watched a trickle of snot slide down the back wall, between two particularly dramatically posed pictures of himself with

a frying pan.

Grimaldi was trying not to laugh.

Amelia elbowed Florence in the belly.

‘You can’t call him Mr Slime!’ she whispered.

‘It’s Mr Sublime!’

Grimaldi and Florence smirked.

Recovering himself, the teacher flung

his arms out wide with a flourish. ‘Well,

let’s get started with your first cookery

class like no other! And do you know WHY

it’s like no other?’ Mr Sublime didn’t wait

for anyone to answer. ‘Because it has

been said by many – not myself,

you understand – that I am the BEST cook

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you’ve ever met or are likely to meet.’

‘That’s quite a statement,’ whispered

Grimaldi. ‘I always thought my Grimpapa

was the best cook around . . .’

‘I think you’ll find Wooo is definitely the

best!’ Amelia replied.

‘Tonight, class, we will be making my

favourite recipe!’ continued Mr Sublime.

‘I wonder if it’s Boasting Buns!’ Grimaldi

giggled.

‘Oh no . . . we’ll be making those next week,’

said the teacher looking straight at

Grimaldi, whose deathly pale cheeks flushed

with embarrassment. ‘This week, we’ll be

making Sublime Cookies!’

‘HEH, SLIME,’ said Florence.

Tangine rolled his eyes. ‘Are you

going to do that every time?’

‘YEH AND WHAT’S IT TO YOU?’ said

Florence, nudging Tangine off his plinth.

‘You’ll find a copy of my recipe book It’s

SUBLIME Time! on your desks. Find a partner

and turn to page fifty-five for the Sublime

Cookie recipe,’ said the teacher. ‘All the

ingredients you need are in the cupboard at

the back of the classroom.’

The sounds of spoons and spatulas clinked

and clunked as the class split off into pairs

and began cookie-making. Amelia paired with

Tangine, who had grabbed five whisks to mix

with. Florence and Grimaldi teamed up

and seemed more interested in flicking

ingredients into Grimaldi’s eye socket than

making the cookies.

‘Stop messing around you two,’ said Amelia,

as a Perfumed Pea went flying into her mixing

bowl.

‘You’ll get us

into trouble before

we’ve even finished our

first lesson! Also, what are you

doing with those peas? There aren’t

any Perfumed Peas in this recipe . . .’

‘SORRY,’ said Florence, getting ready

to shove another Perfumed Pea up

Grimaldi’s nose. ‘COOKING S’NOT

REALLY MY FING . . .’

‘What?’ said Tangine, raising his

eyebrows. ‘But cooking is

so fun!’

‘THE EATING PART IS FUN.

JUST NOT THE MAKING PART,’

said Florence.

‘Well, keep your peas

to yourself,’ Amelia smiled.

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‘Tangine and I

actually want to cook!’

As Amelia studied the

Sublime Cookie recipe, she

couldn’t help giggling at the

numerous pictures of Mr Sublime in

a flowery apron.

‘First, we need to combine one

hundred and fifty grams of Sunflower

Root with two spatulas of powdered

Scorpion

reading through a list of ingredients.

‘Wow, I’ve never heard of any of

these things before.’

Grass . . .’ said Amelia,

‘That’s because they can only be

found in the Fairy Forest in the

Kingdom of the Light,’ said a

voice next to Amelia, making her

jump.

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‘Oh!’ she exclaimed. ‘Hello, Mr Sublime . . .’

Florence leaned over. ‘HEH, SLI—’

‘Don’t!’ interrupted Tangine, shoving a

spatula in Florence’s mouth.

Grimaldi now had around fifty Perfumed

Peas in his eye socket.

‘The Fairy Forest is teeming with millions

of amazing and mysterious plants. Even I, an

expert, couldn’t possibly know about them

all!’ said Mr Sublime with a smile. ‘What’s

your name, young vampire?’

‘Amelia Fang.’

Mr Sublime raised his eyebrows. ‘I believe I’ve heard of you . . .’

‘And I’m Prince Tangine!’ interjected

Tangine. ‘You’ve probably most definitely

heard of me, because I’m sort of famous.’

‘You’re the daughter of the Count and

Countess Fang?’ said Mr Sublime, ignoring

Tangine.

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‘Oh, yes,’ said Amelia shyly. ‘That’s Mum

and Dad.’ Amelia’s chest tightened as she

remembered the argument she’d had with her

mum the night before.

‘I heard your mother puts on a ravishing

Barbaric Ball every year!’ said Mr Sublime. ‘I

expect you’ll follow in her frightful footsteps?’

‘Hmmm, she’d love that, but I’m not really

into party planning and all that stuff,’ said

Amelia, feeling a little deflated. ‘I really want