Max Brallier - The Last Kids on Earth and the Cosmic Beyond

My stomach doesn’t just flip. My stomach does a jackknife, a cannonball, and follows it with an atomic belly flop. We fly through the air for so long I feel like E.T. And . . .

SMASH!

We crash through the roof of a Chinese takeout joint, barrel through Wendy’s, explode through the Blue Point Diner. A total sled rampage.

Ahead of us is a truck, tilted on its side, covered in ice. It looks like something out of a racing game.

And I see something else just past the truck.

A monster.

A monster, standing massive in the swirling snow, waiting for us. A single, giant fist rests on the ground. The monster leans forward. It snarls, and –

Actually – y’know what. HOLD UP!

Now is a good time to explain a few things. Like, y’know – WHY we are sailing through the sky in a death sled. In fact, it’s time for a real-deal recap . . .

PREVIOUSLY ON. . . THE LAST KIDS ON EARTH:

It all started seven months ago – with the Monster Apocalypse. Interdimensional portal doors opened above the earth – like this . . .

Those portals flung crazy stuff into our world: massive monsters, creepy creatures, and slimy shrieking strangeness. Plus – and this is big – the horrible zombie plague that turned most of humanity undead.

There are good monsters and there are bad monsters. The good monsters are now our buddies! They live in our little town – Wakefield – in the Town Square.

The bad monsters are bad . They worship the diabolical ultra-villain Ŗeżżőcħ the Ancient, Destructor of Worlds. But, good news . . .

Ŗeżżőcħ is still stuck in the other dimension! He tried to come to our world to do bad stuff ’cause that’s what inter-dimensional villains do. But we shut down his plan!

For a while, life was great! Me and my buddies and our monster pals battled evil and had fun. But a month back, everything changed . . .

We found a RADIO.

And that radio picked up a broadcast from OTHER HUMANS . . .

So, just last week, we were like: ROAD TRIP! Destination: NYC. We packed up our monster-battling truck, Big Mama, and we were about to start our journey. But then . . .

A snowstorm hit. A snowfall so strong it might have been sent by the ice lords themselves!

This nasty snow storm trapped us and put our journey on hold. That didn’t actually bother me at all, ’cause I felt bad leaving our monster buddies, anyway. See, the concept of snow was totally new to the monsters.

And it freaked them out.

Big time.

So, we were TRAPPED and the monsters were FREAKED.

And I mean – Earth is my dimension. My world. And I didn’t like the monsters being afraid of the snow – I felt like a bad host!

So I was like, ‘I will PROVE that snow is nothing to be afraid of! I’ll prove it in the most death-defying and dramatic way possible! We’ll attack the snow head-on – by sledding! INSANE sledding – like ROCKETING OURSELVES FROM THE TREE HOUSE IN A SLED!’

First, we winterized the tree house. Take a peek . . .

The biggest winter addition was the Sled-Shot. See, the first rule of life after the Monster Apocalypse is that there are zero rules , so you can and should do everything in a totally ridiculous fashion!

Actually, I lied – the first rule is don’t get bitten by a zombie and also don’t get eaten by a monster – but after that, it’s the rule about over-the-top ridiculousness.

So, we climbed into the Sled-Shot, our monster buddies flung us, we went sailing way too far and way too fast , and now . . .

‘Dudes!’ June cries out. ‘We are on a direct collision course with that one-armed monster’s mouth!’

‘I know it, I know it!’ I say.

Rapid-fire, I analyze the situation, seeing every possible manoeuvre and attack. I think it’s a skill I picked up from watching too many movies, reading too many graphic novels, and playing too many video games . . .

So as we sail toward the great monster’s maw, I realize the courageous, valiant, lion-hearted action that must be taken . . .

‘OVERBOARD!’ I scream. ‘FLEE! EMBRACE YOUR INNER COWARD, BUDDIES!’

‘But my vehicle, Jack!’ Quint cries out.

Quint’s brain is not an action hero brain. It’s a different, awesome brain. But he simply cannot process abandoning something he’s worked so hard on. He doesn’t worry about the imminent death.

So I have to worry about it for him. I grip his sweater and –

Overboard was the right decision.

There’s a gulp – and the great beast’s belly rumbles. The sled has been swallowed. Two seconds later and he would’ve swallowed us , too.

A monstrous roar cuts through the air.

‘C’mon!’ June shouts. She yanks me to my feet. Dirk pulls Quint from the snow, and we race out onto a wide street.

Snow whips through the air, like I’m inside a snow globe. It’s like when you have to get up in the middle of the night to pee but you can’t see anything . Only then, the worst-case scenario is you fall into an open toilet. Here the worst-case scenario is – y’know – death by monster.

Our bodies bounce. The snow-cracking CRUNCHES are deafening. The monster’s coming after us, but I only see its huge stomping legs.

‘Guys! We need to get to cover!’ I shout.

I’m using my Louisville Slicer like a cane, staggering forward while poking around. And that is not what the Louisville Slicer is for. It’s for battling monsters! It’s my ultimate weapon. I slayed Blarg with the Louisville Slicer! I battled Thrull with it! I sliced the lassos that held the King Wretch with it!