Alison David - Help Your Child Love Reading

Having rules

So, how do you strike that balance? The most obvious and best place to start is by establishing some basic rules. Marking out boundaries is a positive thing for children – they know what is expected of them and it makes them feel secure. They also know that when they have kept to the rules they have done well. But so many families I meet feel they can’t, or don’t want to, say no to their children about screen time. I think they confuse having rules about it with punishment. When you restrict screen time you are not punishing your child, you are creating space and time to do other things. Rules about screen time teach self-control and discipline.

Our children all read a lot. My wife has a real gift for finding interesting books and we are very strict with computers and mobile phones. If they had no restrictions they would probably stop reading immediately!

Dad to Claire, age 15, Eva, age 13 and Luke, age 7

You need also to establish consequences if the rules are broken: if you have set a limit of one hour for gaming and your child won’t stop at the end of it, you can cut the amount of time when he next uses the machine or even take away the privilege. You are in charge. That is the only time when taking away screen time is a punishment; the rules themselves aren’t.

Ideas and suggestions for rules

I can’t tell you exactly what rules to establish because they have to be workable for you and your family. But I can share effective ideas that I have come across in my conversations with numerous families.

Reading will most definitely sufferif there are screens in the bedroom. Research among 4,000 pupils in England found children with TVs in their bedrooms and children who own their own mobile phones suffered significant falls in reading achievement. So, do not have screens in the bedroom: no TV, no computer, no DVD player and no consoles. As your children get older and get mobile phones, make sure they are removed from their rooms at bedtime. If your child needs a computer for homework and works in their own room, consider getting a laptop, so that it can be put somewhere else at bedtime.

EXPERT VIEW

Increasing screen time is about access and consumption. Think about it, if you put a fridge in your child’s bedroom they’re likely to eat more. And if you told them one compartment had broccoli and sprouts, and the other had Ben & Jerry’s, your child is likely to eat more and it won’t be those healthy vegetables on offer.

Dr Aric Sigman

Limit school-day screen time. I met a family who have a rule that says no recreational screen time at all from Monday to Thursday – although of course if the children need to do homework on the computer that is allowed. Their children accept this. I have also met a family who allow their 12 year old 45 minutes in the evening, but only after their homework is done.

At weekendsyou might want to give a longer time for screens – maybe even up to 2–3 hours at a stretch as a maximum for teenagers. At younger ages you should probably reduce this amount of time but, again, adapt this to your child. Watch how they behave and feel after an extended period of play and change the time if necessary.

Turn off screens(including TV) at least 30 minutes before bedtime to give your child a chance to wind down and to give them a decent amount of time to read.

When you are dealing with very young childrenwho don’t understand the concept of time, using an alarm or timer of some sort can be very useful. You could say they are allowed 30 minutes and when the alarm goes off, time is up. I used this strategy very successfully with my son when he was younger and he would simply turn off the laptop when the bell rang, no questions asked.

For older childrenwho better understand time, it’s very useful to give a 5– or 10–minute warning that time is nearly up.

Make sure that your child asksif they can use the computer or games console before they turn it on. This reinforces that it is a privilege and not a right. You can answer ‘yes’, or ‘no’, ‘later’, ‘yes, for 30 minutes’, or ‘yes, if you’ve done your homework’ – whatever matches the rules you’ve laid down or agreed.

Even if you have no problemsrestricting screen time with your child at the moment and an informal, ad hoc arrangement seems to work just fine, or if they are young and perhaps not especially keen on digital entertainment as yet, I urge you to think ahead. Imagine your child is young, say four, and from time to time she wants to play on your iPhone. You let her do that and when you say that’s enough she complies. There is no problem. Before long she won’t comply, however, as she finds her voice and more firmly forms her likes and dislikes. Children grow up. So just make sure when you say ‘Yes, you can play on the iPhone’, you give a time limit too. For instance: ‘You can play on the iPhone for ten minutes, then we’ll get the crayons out, or we’ll read a book.’

If you establish house rules about screen time now, you will be well set as and when demands for more screen time come your way, which inevitably they will. Do this and your child will grow up accepting there is no unfettered access to screens.

Establishing rules for older children

If your child is older – say age eight upwards – and you are intending to introduce screen time rules, be prepared for the fact that your child may not take it well. How cross they get will in part depend on their age and how long they have been accustomed to doing what you want to restrict. I can only say stick to your guns! Older children may be more difficult to manage but that’s normal because they are learning about life, that things don’t always go their way, and they do have to learn that when you say no, you mean it.

If your child complains that everyone else in their class can play all evening or that their best friend can spend as much time as they like, your reply must be something along the lines of ‘Every family has rules and these are our rules.’ I remember being with a family who had no set rules about screen time and it backfired on them. Their daughter was happily playing on her DS and her mum said, apparently out of the blue, ‘Turn it off, you’ve had enough now.’ Of course, the girl made a huge fuss and there was a family row because she saw it as her mum ruining her fun. Because there was no warning before the time was up, the girl didn’t feel in control. An easier way for all involved would have been to tell her up front that she had a certain amount of time and give her a five–minute warning before the time was up.

Remember that children ultimately like boundaries; they like to know they have been good, and you make it easy for them to be good and be praised by having rules to stick to. To be honest, you will find it a whole lot easier if you set up screen time rules from a young age when children are less rebellious and more accepting. You can then adapt them as your child grows and you will be in a much better position to keep them enforced when they reach their teens and seem to want to immerse themselves in digital entertainment and not much else. If your children are more mature and you think you can reason with them effectively, why not sit down and agree the time limits with them?