Lisa Heathfield - Seed

My mind is stuck. Strangers at Seed.

Elizabeth kisses her palm and faces it towards Kindred Smith. ‘We will welcome them,’ she says softly as she gets up.

Heather stands up next. ‘We will welcome them.’ Her voice is strong in the air.

We all rise. I kiss my palm and face it towards Kindred Smith. His smile is wide.

‘We will welcome them,’ I say with my family. I try to mean it and ignore the doubt that is creeping around me. I look to Papa S, but his mouth is closed and I don’t recognise the expression in his eyes.

*

We watch the car from the window, Kate, Ruby and I. From here it looks so small, like a ladybird crawling closer. Slowly, it creeps up our long drive. We never have visitors and Ruby has gone silent, standing on the chair beside me. Kate’s hands go still in the sink as we hear the rumble of the car’s engine. It comes to a stop outside the main door of our house.

A woman gets out. Her hair is pulled back from her face. Her trousers are blue, her top black, and she looks nervous. Even from here, I can see the bones through her skin. I have never seen anyone who looks so fragile, as though she could break. She bends to talk to someone in the back, just as the front door to Seed opens and Kindred Smith walks out. He is beaming, and the woman seems to relax slightly as he goes towards her. They kiss each other on the cheek.

‘I’m so glad you decided to come.’ Kindred Smith’s words are muffled through the glass.

‘So am I.’ The woman smiles nervously and hesitates, before she opens the back door of her car. A little girl steps out, about the same age as Ruby and Bobby. She doesn’t smile, but her eyes are wide as she looks around at the beauty of Seed.

‘This is Sophie,’ the woman says, and Kindred Smith smiles and bends down and says something so quietly to the girl that I cannot hear.

‘And this is Ellis,’ the woman says as a boy gets out of the car. A boy from the Outside. On the front of his T-shirt is a faded, wide-open mouth with a tongue sticking out. He must be Jack’s age, but he has already grown his hair and his curls fall into his eyes. He puts his hands into his back pockets as he looks at our home. His eyes move slowly across the bricks, the ivy, the windows. Then he’s looking at us. He makes me feel uneasy and I want to duck down under the sink, but I don’t move. He smiles a lazy smile and seems to nod before he looks away.

‘Well,’ Kate says. ‘Look at our new converts.’ She doesn’t seem to notice that her hands are still dunked in the water.

‘She looks nice,’ says Ruby. I think she means Sophie, who has silently taken the woman’s hand as Kindred Smith talks quietly to them all, sweeping his arms across the fields beyond.

‘I’ll show you around,’ I hear him say and they all follow him towards the front door.

The boy still has his hands in his back pockets as he turns to glance at us again. I don’t know why, but I wish I’d already looked away.

‘Ellis,’ says Kate, as she brushes a sponge around the inside of a mug.

‘It’s a nice name,’ says Ruby.

Kate looks at me, smiling. ‘It certainly is. And he looks like a nice boy, doesn’t he?’

‘Yes, he does,’ I say. ‘It’ll be nice for Jack to have another boy our age.’

‘Oh, Pearl, please,’ Kate says. And I can’t tell whether she’s angry or laughing.

‘Are they really coming to stay?’ Ruby asks.

Just then, the kitchen door opens and Kindred Smith comes in. The new family are behind him.

‘Ah, some family for you to meet,’ Kindred Smith says. ‘Kate, Pearl, Ruby, this is Linda, Ellis and Sophie. They are our new family members.’

‘I’m Kate. It’s nice to meet you,’ Kate says, looking at Ellis.

‘You too,’ he says. His voice is low and soft. Hearing it makes my skin tingle, like I’ve been out in the sun too long. He turns to look at me. ‘Hello,’ he says. It’s strange, because I don’t really know what to say. Maybe it’s because his hair is already longer, it makes me awkward, unsure of who he is.

‘So, are you Ruby, or Pearl?’ He has a funny smile on his lips.

‘Pearl,’ I manage. I suddenly wish I’d had just a few more months to let my hair grow as long as Kate’s.

‘Hi, Sophie,’ Ruby says. ‘Will you sleep in our room?’ I know that Ruby is staring at Sophie’s dress with butterflies all over it. I can’t tell whether she’s envious, or confused.

‘Do you want to show her your room?’ Kindred Smith asks.

‘Will she not be sharing with me?’ Linda looks unsure. From this close, I can see dry patches of skin on her face. They look sore.

‘The older women sleep in different rooms.’ Kindred Smith touches her arm, and it seems to melt her hesitation.

‘It will be fun to share with other children, won’t it?’ Linda asks Sophie. The little girl doesn’t say a word, doesn’t even nod her head. She just looks at her mother with those wide eyes.

‘I’ll show you,’ says Ruby, and she reaches for Sophie’s hand. Before the little girl has time to realise it, they’re walking out of the room. Her mother’s smile looks a bit forced, as though she’s trying too hard to relax. Mother . Sophie knows her true mother. There’s a rush of something in me, but I know it is dark, so I push it away.

‘So, Ellis,’ says Kate. ‘Where do you think you’ll sleep?’ There’s a crackle of unease in the air. Kindred Smith stares at Kate. If she notices the look he gives her, she doesn’t show it. Her smile remains and Ellis looks right at her.

‘I’ll go where I’m told,’ he says, his own smile twinkling.

‘Right then, I’d better tell you.’ Kindred Smith does a funny sort of laugh. ‘Pearl, you can show Linda where her room is.’ Then he turns to Linda. ‘When you’ve unpacked your car, Pearl can show you where to park it, round the back. Then you can give the key to me.’

‘Oh,’ she says.

Kindred Smith smiles at her. ‘We don’t want the key to get lost. It’s a big house.’

‘Of course,’ Linda says, but she twists her hair nervously in her fingers as she looks out of the window towards her car waiting in the drive.

‘And do you have telephones?’ Kindred Smith asks. ‘Obviously we don’t use them at Seed.’

Linda looks flustered. ‘It’s in here,’ she says, as she reaches into the small brown bag hanging by her hip. She pulls out a black telephone. I’ve seen people from the Outside use them at the market, but it feels wrong to have one in our home. Nature has said that they block out her voice.

‘Ellis?’ Kindred Smith holds out his empty hand towards him.

‘Are you serious?’ the boy asks. He’s looking at his mother.

‘We’ve talked about this,’ she says quietly.

Kindred Smith laughs lightly. ‘I’ll keep it safe.’

I watch as Ellis takes his telephone from his pocket and reluctantly puts it into Kindred Smith’s palm.

‘We could show you around when you’ve seen your room,’ Kate says to Ellis.

‘OK,’ he says.

I just stare at him. A stranger in our home. But he looks different from the boys I see at the market. And I don’t want to turn away from him like I do from them.

Kate is left in the kitchen as we go upstairs. Kindred Smith and Ellis continue up to the top of the house, where the boys and Kindreds sleep. I take Linda into the room next to ours. Heather is making up the spare bed in the corner.

‘I saw you come up the drive,’ she says, as she goes up to hug Linda. ‘Welcome.’

‘Thank you.’ Linda’s cheeks blush red. For a moment, I’m worried that she’ll let herself cry.

‘Shall I leave Linda here with you?’ I ask Heather as she turns back to the bed. ‘Kate and I are going to show Ellis around.’